To consider a termination in these circumstances?

[impossiblenow]

I just don't know what to do. Very accidentally pregnant again age 40 (pill failure). Have already got 2 small children. Life has just been exhausting recently, covid, home school, looking after ill parents, a lot of other massive life upheaval and major stress meaning that I just feel constantly battered.

And now this. I always said I'd like another child but my husband didn't, although he is being fantastic about this and happy to do his half if I do have it. I guess just faced with reality, more years of a dependant baby, more tiredness when I'm dead on my feet most days already, putting off my work for more years, I just don't know if I can or should. It would mean that my husband was still raising kids till his retirement. It would mean the kids had another 7 months of me being useless and awful (I am terrible at being pregnant and already mostly useless at 6 weeks) and after the year they've had I just don't know if it's fair on them. And did I mention the tiredness

But I'm worried I'll regret it if I do... my head says I really can't have another child right now, my heart says I always wanted one more. I just don't know what to do. Has anyone else been here?

@Whybot

These pole will support you whatever decisions you make www.crosswaypregnancy.org.uk

That’s an anti-choice site

Yes I agree @normalsaline That is not a balanced or supportive site. It is a Christian, anti-abortion site pretending to offer unbiased advice.

I was in a very similar situation but had a 4th child. She’s the greatest gidt we’ve ever had as a family and we’ve all adjusted brilliantly. Hard work in the early years for sure but I can’t imagine life without her. I was devastated when I found out I was pregnant but am now so convinced she’s the greatest gift to our family and she’s taught us all to be so much more giving and appreciative. Whatever decision you make will be right for you.

Just to say, no, you're not unreasonable to consider a termination.

That said, I have three kids and was 42 when the last was born. Easy it ain't but we're muddling through. Just try to feel your way to whatever feels right, or, under current circumstances, less wrong. I'd try a long walk, if you can face that.

Best of luck with what you decide to do

For what it’s worth, I would definitely terminate if I got pregnant again. I like our family dynamic the way it is and while I’m sure I’d like it eventually with more children, I wouldn’t be willing to go through all the upheaval again before getting to that point. I don’t think that’s selfish, it would be a massive lifestyle change for every family member.

I had an unexpected 3rd when I was completely exhausted with 2 under 2 already and running an extremely intense and full on business. My husband did tentatively ask about whether termination was an option due to finances, exhaustion and stress but I always wanted 3 and I'm stubborn and often think I'm more capable than I am. It was bloody exhausting, the last 2 weeks nearly killed me off. But he's here, he's nearly 2 and he's an absolute maniac and I couldn't love him and my brood more. I'm more exhausted, more stressed and I've never laughed so much as I have since having 3 kids. It's not for the faint hearted but it is worth it (to me). Nobody can tell you what to do, but if you do decide to go ahead you'll make it work and you will survive the exhaustion.