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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how I can find my friend?

168 replies

Knitterbabe · 31/03/2021 23:49

I was great pals with my friend Angela all through secondary school, but we lost touch after leaving school, bar a couple of letters, I haven’t heard from her since. No social media in those days!
I have tried searching on Facebook, but have no idea of her married name, so no luck.
We attended a convent school in Birmingham.
Any ideas of how I might attempt to find her?

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 31/03/2021 23:57

How long ago was this? Maybe try writing a brief note to her at her last known address, with your address on the envelope so that they will return it to you if not delivered.
Does the school have a FB page you could check on, rather than the friend herself? Or ring the school and ask? I doubt they would tell you, but they might agree to forward your details to the last known address for Angela they had.
Do you remember the names of her parents or siblings? They may be available on FB, particularly if they have an unusual name.

2bazookas · 31/03/2021 23:58

Does the school have an old girls association, or a website link up page?

does friends reunited still exist?

Original poster
Knitterbabe · 01/04/2021 00:11

There is a Facebook group for the school, and I have asked to join, but my request is ‘pending’ after many months and the last post on the page was in 2012 saying that the person who started the group had died.
I don’t remember her address. She had a sister; I have tried searching for her too, but again, probably married so no luck.
The school was a private convent but was taken over and became a comprehensive school; I doubt there would be any records going back so far.

OP posts:
Original poster
Knitterbabe · 01/04/2021 00:11

I don’t think Friends Reunited is still going.

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AcornAutumn · 01/04/2021 00:16

Please don't go too far with this

One reason I can't be found online is this, but annoyingly my parents had a few calls from people who had found their number.

Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow · 01/04/2021 00:18

One reason you can't be found online is what?

AcornAutumn · 01/04/2021 00:20

@Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow

One reason you can't be found online is what?
People from the past trying to get in touch.
Stichintime · 01/04/2021 00:22

I'm not on social media because I think if you lost touch its for a reason.

SarahBellam · 01/04/2021 00:26

Look up other people in your circle of school friends on FB and see if they have an Angela in their friends list, or check LinkedIn.

Leeds2 · 01/04/2021 00:27

If you want to, there is nothing stopping you starting a new FB page. May get a few people to join, who may have information.

Original poster
Knitterbabe · 01/04/2021 00:33

@Stichintime

I'm not on social media because I think if you lost touch its for a reason.
Well yes! The reason being that we both moved away to study and communication was very different in those pre-mobile phone days. People tended to marry young and set up home away from family. I’m not stalking anyone and I have no reason to think she would be anything other than delighted to hear from me!
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Original poster
Knitterbabe · 01/04/2021 00:34

I hadn’t thought of setting up a page myself; thank you

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Original poster
Knitterbabe · 01/04/2021 00:36

@SarahBellam

Look up other people in your circle of school friends on FB and see if they have an Angela in their friends list, or check LinkedIn.
Thank you, I have tried. All girls school and everyone seems to have married. Also tried linkedin but again name problem, plus more than likely retired.
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Original poster
Knitterbabe · 01/04/2021 00:37

@AcornAutumn

Please don't go too far with this

One reason I can't be found online is this, but annoyingly my parents had a few calls from people who had found their number.

Go too far?? I’m not sure what you mean!
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AcornAutumn · 01/04/2021 00:41

Knitter I mean, don't call others looking for her. That is a bit creepy.

Happycat1212 · 01/04/2021 00:43

Maybe she doesn’t want to be found?

Original poster
Knitterbabe · 01/04/2021 00:45

@AcornAutumn

Knitter I mean, don't call others looking for her. That is a bit creepy.
I can’t! I’m not in touch with any of them to call! If I found one in Facebook I would message but its a very long shot.
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IfYoureCrappyAndYouKnowIt · 01/04/2021 00:46

Search the online obituaries from her hometown with her surname. They mention the names of relatives and you might find someone in her family to get in touch with.

OysterMonkey · 01/04/2021 00:46

Is there a local Facebook group for where you used to live? If so, you could join that and post about your friend in the hope that someone from your school still lives in the area.

Original poster
Knitterbabe · 01/04/2021 00:49

@Happycat1212

Maybe she doesn’t want to be found?
Maybe, but I don’t think that’s the case. It’s just really difficult to find people who have married and are not of the social media generation, especially if they have likely retired. I doubt she would find me easily, though I do have a very unusual first name, which would help.
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Original poster
Knitterbabe · 01/04/2021 00:51

@IfYoureCrappyAndYouKnowIt

Search the online obituaries from her hometown with her surname. They mention the names of relatives and you might find someone in her family to get in touch with.
Thanks, I’ll try that. I remember her father’s name and he is probably dead by now.
OP posts:
luckyrabbits · 01/04/2021 00:52

If it was St Paul's the have a old girls association that might be able to help, info is on their website.

Original poster
Knitterbabe · 01/04/2021 00:53

@OysterMonkey

Is there a local Facebook group for where you used to live? If so, you could join that and post about your friend in the hope that someone from your school still lives in the area.
I could try that; the school took pupils from all over Birmingham and beyond; I lived in Sutton Coldfield. Thank you. Yes
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Original poster
Knitterbabe · 01/04/2021 00:57

@luckyrabbits

If it was St Paul's the have a old girls association that might be able to help, info is on their website.
Thanks; not St Paul’s, St Agnes. There doesn’t seem to be an Old Girls’
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AcornAutumn · 01/04/2021 01:02

@IfYoureCrappyAndYouKnowIt

Search the online obituaries from her hometown with her surname. They mention the names of relatives and you might find someone in her family to get in touch with.
So... You're suggesting tracking someone down by finding a relative who has just experienced a bereavement?
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