Page 5 | To ask how I can find my friend?

Knitterbabe · 2021-03-31T22:49:50+00:00

I was great pals with my friend Angela all through secondary school, but we lost touch after leaving school, bar a couple of letters, I haven’t heard from her since. No social media in those days! I have tried searching on Facebook, but have no idea of her married name, so no luck. We attended a convent school in Birmingham. Any ideas of how I might attempt to find her?

Rukaya · 01/04/2021 09:30

For all we know the OP is an abusive ex, who'll be hoping a 'helpful' poster suddenly remembers their neighbour 'Angela' and passes on everything they need to know

Paranoid AND nonsensical. An abusive ex is going to know an awful lot more about "Angela" than anyone here, ffs. Like her name?

BertramLacey · 01/04/2021 09:33

So I just thought, 'yeah alright, Princess Precious.' Whatever.

I'm starting to think maybe she had her reasons for remaining hidden.

JinglingHellsBells · 01/04/2021 09:38

from my experience there are many 60's and 70's very active on social media, especially FB. Anyone of that age who wants to find or be found will be on there. If they avoid SM it's a big clue that they don't want to be found by randomers from 50 years back.

Well, that's not my own experience.
People don't join Facebook 'to be found'. And to 'find' someone on SM you have to be on Facebook yourself. I use FB but in a very limited way for my work. You can adjust your settings so you don't appear in search engines. And that you can adjust the settings so you can't be contacted. And if people do contact you, it's very easy to ignore, block and delete.

Mellivora · 01/04/2021 09:38

I contacted an old friend from primary school, we had been in touch since leaving school but she moved overseas and I am not keen on social media, so it was almost 20 years. She was delighted to hear from me. I had heard via another friend that this woman’s Father had died and I had such wonderful memories about him.

I think it’s fine to try and I think in lockdown many of us have been thinking about the past. I suppose if you do find her don’t be upset if she is not interested though.

4Mongrels · 01/04/2021 09:41

Search marriage records (ancestry.co.uk or similar type sites) and see if you can find a marriage.

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 01/04/2021 09:50

I don’t know why people are acting like OP is a demented creep when she’s just doing exactly what lots of us do, trying to reunite with an old friend? If the friend isn’t interested then nothing lost.

If you message me her name and some details I can have a look for you? Trick is marriage records, using “” on google and a bit of patience. If you drop me a line I can have a go for you.

Slingsanderrors · 01/04/2021 09:51

@Knitterbabe (I’m a crochet babe by the way!)
If you can remember where your friend studied, there might be a fb page or website. I’m in my 60’s and now in touch with people I did my nurse training with in the 1970’s. It’s great!

MySocalledLoaf · 01/04/2021 09:51

As if a wouldbe stalker would fail because they didn’t get answers on a mumsnet thread. There must be much more detailled sources of information.
I find it sad that women in the pre social media generation are hampered in finding former friends in a way their male counterparts aren’t.

ToffeeNotCoffee · 01/04/2021 09:55

@ToffeenotCoffee Given your attitude to her declining further contact I can see why she didn't want to remain in contact.

Thank you. How kind.

whiskersonkittenss · 01/04/2021 09:57

Hi, I know it's not Sutton but try a Facebook group called Erdington Massives. There are thousands of members and it's not too far away from there. Someone might be able to help

ToffeeNotCoffee · 01/04/2021 10:03

I don’t know why people are acting like OP is a demented creep when she’s just doing exactly what lots of us do, trying to reunite with an old friend? If the friend isn’t interested then nothing lost.

This. With bells on.

ZiggyBaby · 01/04/2021 10:33

@SunInTheSkyYouKnowHowIFeel

If someone hired a private investigator to find me, I'd find that really weird!

Ditto if someone started a Facebook page about me

Me too. What a strange idea.

Maybe she doesn't want to be found? I don't have social media because I don't want to be connected to anyone from my past (very bad time) bar the people I choose to stay in touch with, so wouldn't appreciate basically being stalked.

MoonCatcher · 01/04/2021 10:55

[quote ToffeeNotCoffee]**@ToffeenotCoffee Given your attitude to her declining further contact I can see why she didn't want to remain in contact.

Thank you. How kind.[/quote]
As is "Princess Precious", "ugly personality" and "up yours"

Original poster

Knitterbabe · 01/04/2021 10:56

@ToffeeNotCoffee

I don’t know why people are acting like OP is a demented creep when she’s just doing exactly what lots of us do, trying to reunite with an old friend? If the friend isn’t interested then nothing lost.

This. With bells on.

Thank you!

OP posts:

Original poster

Knitterbabe · 01/04/2021 10:56

@whiskersonkittenss

Hi, I know it's not Sutton but try a Facebook group called Erdington Massives. There are thousands of members and it's not too far away from there. Someone might be able to help

Will give that a go!

OP posts:

AnnaFiveTowns · 01/04/2021 10:57

I have a friend from 30 years ago who I really wanted to trace but only knew her maiden name. I googled her maiden name and the profession that I thought she might now be in and did a google images search and amazingly after scrolling forba while a photo of her came up even though she has a different name now. Although she's 30 years older I recognised her immediately and under the photo was her new name. I then hoped to be able to find her on Facebook but it seems like she's not on there which is a shame. I don't really want to write to her place of work as that's starting to get a bit weird but if she was on social media I would definitely send her a message.

MoonCatcher · 01/04/2021 10:58

That's my point really. If someone who has changed their name doesn't include their old name on SM accounts I'd take that as a clue that they're not desperate to be found by people in their past.

MoonCatcher · 01/04/2021 10:58

@MoonCatcher

That's my point really. If someone who has changed their name doesn't include their old name on SM accounts I'd take that as a clue that they're not desperate to be found by people in their past.

That was for you OP - I tried to quote your post but MN wouldn't let me.

AnnaFiveTowns · 01/04/2021 11:00

Not necessarily. I didn't have my maiden name of any social media and yet I'm still happy when old school friends get in touch. If I'm not interested then I just ignore their message / friend request.

KingsHeathen · 01/04/2021 11:11

I was going to suggest that if it was St. Paul's...she is probably working there!
They have a number of old girls that do.

Those suggesting Google death notices for her surname in her town obviously live in tiny places. Searching for someone named Carter or Hughes would yield thousands of results for Birmingham, let alone Smith, Jones, Martin etc.

@FiveNightsAtMummys you are hopelessly naive if you think everyone on the internet is who they say they are.

FiveNightsAtMummys · 01/04/2021 11:23

Kings, she said she was looking for an old friend. I suggested what I'd do. I don't believe everyone is who they say they are online, to be fair half the people in real life aren't who they say they are either! 😊

hadtojoin · 01/04/2021 11:29

I found a school friend of mine after a very long search. I found her dad's name in the local papers funeral announcements that gave her husband and childrens first names but still didn't know her married name. After many years I searched the local papers again for 60th birthday messages and found her. Then searched FB - she wasn't there - but found her children, messaged one of them and we are now in touch and have met for lunch every few months. She had also wanted to find me but had the same problem of not knowing my married name.
If you remember a brother or male cousin of hers or any close friends of hers you may be able to find them in his friends list or birthday wishes on thier FB page. Not every girl in your class will have married or changed their name so it could be worth searching for as many as you can remember.
Good Luck with your search.

AcornAutumn · 01/04/2021 11:44

@Cartwheelingdinosaur

My DH got a letter during lockdown from a lady who went to school with his mum. She had been trying to find her for years. She had traced the family using ancestry.com I think it was. Using the marriages and electoral roll info. My MIL and her friend are now in their 80s. They have not seen each other in about 50 years. But now speak regularly on the phone. They have spent hours chatting together during lockdown.

This worries me

Did the person physically check the electoral roll?

I am not on the online one.

Glad to see others are weirded out too.

HaveringWavering · 01/04/2021 11:45

@Nocar

Either set up a page for your old school and see who joins, maybe she will or maybe she won’t join but it might be a good way to reminisce with your other old school friends. Ask on your local towns Facebook page ‘ looking for angela’ , one of her children or other relatives might see it and pass it on. I’ve not got a problem with anyone from my old school contacting me, if I don’t want to chat with them then I can politely decline, but I would be a bit creeped out if they had been obtaining death certificates ( I know this wasn’t your suggestion) or any other above and beyond methods to find me.

I didn’t suggest she obtained death certificates, I suggested going online to look at the register of deaths. How is it creepy to start by checking that the person you are looking for isn’t dead? Surely it’s just a time saver?

AcornAutumn · 01/04/2021 11:55

Toffee "If you can remember her parents names, look them up on Free BMD. If you can ascertain when they died, you could request a copy of their death certificate/s because it is a public record. It will detail their address. Maybe if she dealt with the admin after they died it will have her name and address as the informant."

This can't be true....my address is a matter of public if I do probate myself? Shit.