Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how I can find my friend?

168 replies

Knitterbabe · 31/03/2021 23:49

I was great pals with my friend Angela all through secondary school, but we lost touch after leaving school, bar a couple of letters, I haven’t heard from her since. No social media in those days!
I have tried searching on Facebook, but have no idea of her married name, so no luck.
We attended a convent school in Birmingham.
Any ideas of how I might attempt to find her?

OP posts:
Original poster
Knitterbabe · 01/04/2021 01:09

Some people are si quick to jump on anything! Why would they ‘just’ have experienced a bereavement! And even so, if someone had contacted me after seeing that my father had died ( aged 101), I would be robust enough to be delighted.

OP posts:
AcornAutumn · 01/04/2021 01:12

@Knitterbabe

Some people are si quick to jump on anything! Why would they ‘just’ have experienced a bereavement! And even so, if someone had contacted me after seeing that my father had died ( aged 101), I would be robust enough to be delighted.
Okay, cool

I shall remain under the radar 😂

Good night.

GrimDamnFanjo · 01/04/2021 01:13

Can you remember anyone else you were at school with? They may be on Facebook and friends with her?
It's often easier to go sideways and eventually find the connection.
You can access fairly recent marriage records at ancestry.co.uk. To find out if she married.

Original poster
Knitterbabe · 01/04/2021 01:22

@GrimDamnFanjo

Can you remember anyone else you were at school with? They may be on Facebook and friends with her? It's often easier to go sideways and eventually find the connection. You can access fairly recent marriage records at ancestry.co.uk. To find out if she married.
Thank you; I have tried Facebook but it was an all girls school and it seems everyone married. I don’t know any married names.
OP posts:
youshallnotpass9 · 01/04/2021 01:29

If you are on facebook, you could try a local group near where the school is, it could be a bit of a long shot, but if you know her name, a street she lived on and maybe her parents name, someone might remember and be able to point you in the general direction.

Of you could get lucky and a child of her's (or grandchild) might see it

GrimDamnFanjo · 01/04/2021 01:31

@Knitterbabe use ancestry to see if you can find marriages. If you know names and year/place of birth it should be quite straightforward.

Cokecake · 01/04/2021 01:39

You could get a private investigator maybe?

There’s plenty of people getting asking for help to find long lost friends on tiktok. And there are many success stories! Don’t give up trying to find your friend despite how negative other posters are being.

cariadlet · 01/04/2021 01:40

You could try writing to the local paper. There are regularly letters in my paper from people trying to get in touch with old friends from the pre-social media era.

MySocalledLoaf · 01/04/2021 06:33

Have you tried searching by maiden names anyway? When you sign up there’s an option to attach your maiden name to your account.
Do you remember if your close friends had any brothers? You might be able to find people through a brother’s friends list.

lughnasadh · 01/04/2021 06:41

These posts are like a handbook for stalkers.

For all we know the OP is an abusive ex, who'll be hoping a 'helpful' poster suddenly remembers their neighbour 'Angela' and passes on everything they need to know. Hmm

People value their privacy for a reason

Cartwheelingdinosaur · 01/04/2021 06:49

My DH got a letter during lockdown from a lady who went to school with his mum. She had been trying to find her for years. She had traced the family using ancestry.com I think it was. Using the marriages and electoral roll info. My MIL and her friend are now in their 80s. They have not seen each other in about 50 years. But now speak regularly on the phone. They have spent hours chatting together during lockdown.

MichelleScarn · 01/04/2021 06:54

@lughnasadh

These posts are like a handbook for stalkers.

For all we know the OP is an abusive ex, who'll be hoping a 'helpful' poster suddenly remembers their neighbour 'Angela' and passes on everything they need to know. Hmm

People value their privacy for a reason

Sadly I agree, or in the case of a closed adoption (if that's the right word) if birth family have any info at all they might try and use this as a starting point. Not saying either is you op, but there can be not so nice people out there.
pasturesgreen · 01/04/2021 06:55

Please don't go too far with this

This. Some things are better left in the past. So you once were great pals. You presumably haven't heard from her in at least 10 years, since you say that social media wasn't around back then.

It's entirely possible that you may not have anything in common now and she may not be open to hearing from you. Enjoy the memories and move on!

Blyatiful · 01/04/2021 06:59

An old friend of mine, who moved overseas half way through secondary school asked on the school FB group if anyone was still in touch with me. One friend was - she messaged me and asked me if it was OK for her to give the person my married name for her to contact me. I said it was fine. It was so nice to hear from her after all this time, and we are in regular contact now.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 01/04/2021 07:14

I seem to recall that someone called Angela was the Hide-and-Seek regional champion for the Midlands for quite a few years.

greenfrogs1 · 01/04/2021 07:16

Some people on Facebook list the school or college they attended in their 'about me' section. If you get Facebook there may be a way to search for people by the school they attended. If you find other mutual friends, your friend may be on their 'friends list'.

MassDebate · 01/04/2021 07:17

The Salvation Army have a tracing service which I have used (although it may just be for family). It’s sensitively done as they only put you in touch if the person is happy to be found by you.

Standrewsschool · 01/04/2021 07:25

Can you start a Facebook page for past pupils of the school? Slowly up you’ll have people,joining it.

SunInTheSkyYouKnowHowIFeel · 01/04/2021 07:26

If someone hired a private investigator to find me, I'd find that really weird!

Ditto if someone started a Facebook page about me Confused

redtshirt50 · 01/04/2021 07:26

Op, I don't know why people are assuming this lady doesn't want to be found!

I would be delighted if one of my old school friends still cared enough to want to reach out. There's clearly no bad blood.

And if you find her and she doesn't want to be contacted - she can just ignore you.

HamFisted · 01/04/2021 07:28

If you type their original name and school into Facebook search, they might come up. Or someone who knows them might.

sonjadog · 01/04/2021 07:30

I would return to Facebook and see if you can find anyone in your year or the years above or below. A lot of people will have changed their name, but some won't. If you find someone, then you can look at their friends list, find other people (even if the name has changed, you will recognise the photo often) and then you may find her after looking around enough, or someone else who would know her and ask them.

lagerandblack · 01/04/2021 07:31

I would get a free trial on ancestry and look at marriages for your friend and then check the electoral roll for her. If she has a slightly unusual name this will make the process easier.

notacooldad · 01/04/2021 07:35

I'm not on social media because I think if you lost touch its for a reason
Dont be ridiculous. There doesn't have to be a bad reason why people lise touch. 40 years ago when I left school there was no sm or mobile phones. It was much harder to stay in contact. All it took was one to move to the city and another one to start a family and time soon passed.
In the lastvfew years I have been reconnected with a lot if old friends with the link being one very out going and popular bloke from school getting ing I touch with everyone he could and asking then if they were in touch with anyone else. Our old friends are living in Alaska,Tokyo, Florida, Denmark, as well as Australia and New Zealand.We wouldn't have kept in touch as easy without sm. Its fabulous being in touch.

Geamhradh · 01/04/2021 07:36

Obviously there's a difference between finding old friends via FB etc and hiring a PI.
I've found people on SM from my primary school who I'd not spoken to in over 45 years. Just this week someone who lived next door to me in the 70s sent me a friend request.
It's not all nefarious.
Obviously if a PI contacted me to say my neighbour was looking for me I'd think it was weird. And if the bitch who bullied me sent me a request, I'd simply block her.

Swipe left for the next trending thread