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AIBU?

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Original poster

School mum flirting with my dh

380 replies

silverfish00 · 31/03/2021 22:55

Dh and I have been married 15 years, two dc both primary age.

Due to work dh does all school runs apart from the odd occasion when I will go myself.

A few months back dh started mentioning one of the mums at the school was openly making it clear she fancies him. Never had a conversation but always looking out for him, trying to catch his eye etc. Our dc are not in the same years but their classrooms are nearby so plenty opportunities to end up having a conversation.
Dh said she has only ever spoke to him once and she was talking about the weather.
I didn't really think anything of it and it all got forgotten.

Fast forward a few weeks later dh mentions it's very odd how she acts like he doesn't exist when I'm with him on the school runs.
I thought maybe it's all in dh's head and she was just being friendly and he was thinking far too much into it.

A week or so after all that I notice dh now has her as a friend on Facebook as she commented on a wildlife photograph he had taken. I asked him why and he said she sent him a request and although he only likes family and close friends on his Facebook he accepted her so as not to seem rude.
Dh was mainly concerned with as to how she knew his full name, in the end we guessed she had seen him on the school Facebook page and just added him.
Anyway, I ignored all of this and again put it to the back of my mind.

After all was forgotten and it hadn't been mentioned again for a couple of weeks I decided to join dh on the school run.
I sat in the back of the car with youngest dc and our other dc in the front with dh.
We were parked up on the side of the road outside the school when the mum drives towards us. She didn't see me in the back as the windows are tinted, she only say oldest dc and dh in the front. She slows right down and pulls up alongside, rolls her window down and shouts "hello you" with a big smile. Car behind her started papping their horn as she's blocking all the traffic which made her move on. That is the first time I ever saw her acknowledge dh, she went out of her way when he wasn't even looking in her direction, yet when he's with me she refuses to look anywhere near him let alone say hello Confused

This made me realise it's not all in dh's head at all and call me paranoid/childish but the next time we went to the school I stayed in the car which you can see the playground clearly from.
I watched dh walk onto the playground, she immediately spots him and can't take her eyes off him, she kept looking over, smiling then talking to one of the other school mums who she's very close with and giggling like a teenager. She was very openly flirting with him.

All of this rather annoyed me but I kept my cool and ignored it ever happened. Dh deleted her off Facebook saying she probably wouldn't notice and he could tell I wasn't very happy about it all.

All went quiet again but it started playing on my mind after seeing what she was doing. I haven't been with him on the school run for a week or so now and she hasn't been mentioned until tonight when dh comes and shows me she's sent him another friend request on Facebook after she must have realised he deleted her. He declines it in front of me but told me she's continued giggling and openly flirting with him at the school.

I don't know how to handle this and it's making me feel like complete shit Sad Do I do something about it? What would you do in my situation? Or would you just leave it alone?

OP posts:
shrumps · 31/03/2021 22:59

Doesn't seem like your DH is doing anything wrong from what you've described. What do you want him to do? Have you any other reasons to suspect he's up to no good?

firedog · 31/03/2021 23:00

Any reason you feel so insecure?

ButIcantsitonleather · 31/03/2021 23:01

First things first, it sounds like you have a decent and honest H. He’s told you everything, no? And beyond that, not much else really matters. She can flirt all she wants, but he’s happily married to you.

steff13 · 31/03/2021 23:01

I don't know that you need to do anything. Surely if he doesn't reciprocate she'll eventually back off.

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/03/2021 23:05

What could you do? People fancy other people. She’s making a tit of herself and other parents will be noticing but that doesn’t reflect poorly on you or your DH. The kids have to be picked up, he’s the one best suited to doing it. You can’t police her actions. You haven’t said you want to but I don’t know what options you feel you have. I’d shrug it off. People don’t steal other people, she can’t take him off you and he’s been open with you from the sounds of things.

EKGEMS · 31/03/2021 23:05

Walk right up to her,introduce your self as the Mrs. and thank her if she would "stop openly ogling your husband". Then tell your husband if he doesn't knock off his participating in this melodrama he will be in the dog house

SpongeCakeAddict · 31/03/2021 23:07

I'd want him to take me with him and make a fuss of me but subtly so it's not a huge show... Just enough that she's likely to notice he's not interested, without having to resort to anything loud or uber obvious which might just make her up her game.

But I'm not good at people.

Mellonsprite · 31/03/2021 23:08

You need to send her a subtle signal that you’ve clocked her somehow. How confident are you?
Could you just go into the playground, stand near her then start talking to her, just pleasantries, to disarm her a bit?

B33Fr33 · 31/03/2021 23:11

Let her behave like a twat, she'll probably get over it eventually. If your DH is keeping you in the loop he's obviously got no intention of following up on it. But it'd be great fun if you did happen to give her a big old friendly wave when you're doing the school run together.

JudyGemstone · 31/03/2021 23:11

God no don’t do that, you’ll look mental.

Keep your eyes and ears open but otherwise I don’t think there’s much you can do at this point. The fact he’s being open is encouraging, if he starts being secretive that’s much more concerning.

Youaremysunshine09 · 31/03/2021 23:11

Just openly tell her to fu*k off and stop flirting with you're husband. Nothing controlling about that, it's clearly 1 sided and making both you and you're husband uncomfortable

JudyGemstone · 31/03/2021 23:11

Sorry, by that I meant EKGEMS post

NinthCircle · 31/03/2021 23:12

@EKGEMS

Walk right up to her,introduce your self as the Mrs. and thank her if she would "stop openly ogling your husband". Then tell your husband if he doesn't knock off his participating in this melodrama he will be in the dog house
Yes, and Danny Dyer should do the voiceover as you both wrestle in the playground, pulling one another’s hair and screaming ‘Gerroff, you slag, ‘e’s mine!’ Hmm
B33Fr33 · 31/03/2021 23:12

Really? Would it look mental giving another parent a wave across the playground? Ok. Ignore me then.

Yummymummy2020 · 31/03/2021 23:12

She sounds like a total wagon. I don’t think you should let her make you feel shitty though I think your husband is doing the right thing though really would have been better if he never accepted the friend request off her, he wouldn’t be showing you the repeat request I don’t think if it was dodge. She is def making a show of herself and if I saw that as another parent I would think badly of it knowing the person was married!!!

B33Fr33 · 31/03/2021 23:13

Oh ok.

Miranda15110 · 31/03/2021 23:14

Just ignore her. So what, it's not like it's reciprocated. Is he mega good looking and has he had other people attracted to him in this way before?

Original poster
silverfish00 · 31/03/2021 23:19

@Miranda15110

Just ignore her. So what, it's not like it's reciprocated. Is he mega good looking and has he had other people attracted to him in this way before?
It's hard to ignore. I'm not usually an insecure person but I'll openly admit that this situation is making me feel a bit shit. Dh is of course attractive to me but if I'm to be honest he's definitely not what the majority of women would ever swoon over if you catch my drift? He's just a normal looking man which I suppose leaves me feeling even more confused as to why she's showing him all this attention.
OP posts:
Summersun2020 · 31/03/2021 23:20

It’s natural to feel a bit jealous OP, don’t worry. It sounds like your husband has done nothing wrong, been totally open and honest and seems to feel a bit awkward over the whole thing. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.

DimidDavilby · 31/03/2021 23:25

She's the one making herself look a twat. Don't do anything.

Mrgrinch · 31/03/2021 23:30

I'd have to tell her to stop to be honest.

ijustgiveup · 31/03/2021 23:34

I'm a complete bitch so I would probably laugh in her face.

To openly flirt when she knows he is married is just disrespectful. She's a beg. A desperate beg

RazzleToes · 31/03/2021 23:35

At the car you should have wound the window down and said ‘Oh Hi!!’ with a big smile and watched her squirm. Other than that be quietly confident and kill her with kindness and smiles. Maybe find an excuse to say ‘oh my husband said you... like wildlife/photography or whatever’ so she knows you and he are very much together with healthy communication. She sounds like a predator.

Notapheasantplucker · 31/03/2021 23:37

DH should tell her to stop acting inappropriately. If it comes from you I can guarantee she'll carry on. Your DH needs to make it clear that he isn't interested.

bennibooboo · 31/03/2021 23:38

Just leave it OP. So she fancies him...or so you both think. Maybe she's like that with all men. Who actually cares? You would look like a bigger freak for approaching her about something you "think" is a fact. Because really and truly you making a lot of assumptions based on a few instances. You sound a little unhinged tbh

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