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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

School mum flirting with my dh

380 replies

silverfish00 · 31/03/2021 22:55

Dh and I have been married 15 years, two dc both primary age.

Due to work dh does all school runs apart from the odd occasion when I will go myself.

A few months back dh started mentioning one of the mums at the school was openly making it clear she fancies him. Never had a conversation but always looking out for him, trying to catch his eye etc. Our dc are not in the same years but their classrooms are nearby so plenty opportunities to end up having a conversation.
Dh said she has only ever spoke to him once and she was talking about the weather.
I didn't really think anything of it and it all got forgotten.

Fast forward a few weeks later dh mentions it's very odd how she acts like he doesn't exist when I'm with him on the school runs.
I thought maybe it's all in dh's head and she was just being friendly and he was thinking far too much into it.

A week or so after all that I notice dh now has her as a friend on Facebook as she commented on a wildlife photograph he had taken. I asked him why and he said she sent him a request and although he only likes family and close friends on his Facebook he accepted her so as not to seem rude.
Dh was mainly concerned with as to how she knew his full name, in the end we guessed she had seen him on the school Facebook page and just added him.
Anyway, I ignored all of this and again put it to the back of my mind.

After all was forgotten and it hadn't been mentioned again for a couple of weeks I decided to join dh on the school run.
I sat in the back of the car with youngest dc and our other dc in the front with dh.
We were parked up on the side of the road outside the school when the mum drives towards us. She didn't see me in the back as the windows are tinted, she only say oldest dc and dh in the front. She slows right down and pulls up alongside, rolls her window down and shouts "hello you" with a big smile. Car behind her started papping their horn as she's blocking all the traffic which made her move on. That is the first time I ever saw her acknowledge dh, she went out of her way when he wasn't even looking in her direction, yet when he's with me she refuses to look anywhere near him let alone say hello

This made me realise it's not all in dh's head at all and call me paranoid/childish but the next time we went to the school I stayed in the car which you can see the playground clearly from.
I watched dh walk onto the playground, she immediately spots him and can't take her eyes off him, she kept looking over, smiling then talking to one of the other school mums who she's very close with and giggling like a teenager. She was very openly flirting with him.

All of this rather annoyed me but I kept my cool and ignored it ever happened. Dh deleted her off Facebook saying she probably wouldn't notice and he could tell I wasn't very happy about it all.

All went quiet again but it started playing on my mind after seeing what she was doing. I haven't been with him on the school run for a week or so now and she hasn't been mentioned until tonight when dh comes and shows me she's sent him another friend request on Facebook after she must have realised he deleted her. He declines it in front of me but told me she's continued giggling and openly flirting with him at the school.

I don't know how to handle this and it's making me feel like complete shit Do I do something about it? What would you do in my situation? Or would you just leave it alone?

OP posts:

Ladydayblues1 · 31/03/2021 23:39

I would go with him on the school run more often. If she approaches him again then he needs to tell her to stop sending FB friend requests as he isn't interested. This needs to come from him though, he's the only one who can nip this in the bud. If he's not interested and let's her know in no uncertain terms I'm sure it will quickldie down.

Mrgrinch · 31/03/2021 23:39

@ijustgiveup

I'm a complete bitch so I would probably laugh in her face.

To openly flirt when she knows he is married is just disrespectful. She's a beg. A desperate beg

What's a beg?

DianaT1969 · 31/03/2021 23:42

Go with him and put on a public display of affection. Hand-holding, arm around him.... In between all the smiling and happy family pleasantries, give her a side stare that says you'll kill her.

emilyjane29 · 31/03/2021 23:43

@bennibooboo

Just leave it OP. So she fancies him...or so you both think. Maybe she's like that with all men. Who actually cares? You would look like a bigger freak for approaching her about something you "think" is a fact. Because really and truly you making a lot of assumptions based on a few instances. You sound a little unhinged tbh

This is just rude, and tbh, a very strange and weirdly defensive response to the post.

OP, you don't sound unhinged at all. It's perfectly normal to feel jealous in this situation. But all you can do is keep your head high, and try not to let her get to you. I cringed when you said she added him again, after he so clearly deleted her. But just let her be. Sounds like you've a good husband there, and very honest too. As long as he's not reciprocating anything, you'll be fine. Take it as a compliment she fancies him haha

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/03/2021 23:45

What’s a beg and what’s a wagon?

moanieleminx · 31/03/2021 23:47

Your DH is being open and honest. I would kill her with kindness tbh. Big smiles, say hello etc

Caterinaballerina · 31/03/2021 23:49

My serious advice would probably to do nothing and be pleased you have such a lovely DH. However I feel situations and threads like this are best served with a few good suggestions of something PA you could (but should decide not to) do. So in for a penny, my suggestion would be to orchestrate a situation where you can be accidentally overheard by her calling her your DH’s fan club and you both having a laugh about it. So she knows you’ve both clocked it.

imalmostthere · 31/03/2021 23:52

Just leave it, honestly. She's smiling and giggling, an friend request and a hello - it's not grounds for confrontation. Honestly, there's as much chance of her mucking around with her friend than actually fancying him by what you've described. She's clearly immature, don't stoop to her level. If you catch her eye, smile. That's all that needs doing at this point in time.

bennibooboo · 31/03/2021 23:58

my suggestion would be to orchestrate a situation where you can be accidentally overheard by her calling her your DH’s fan club and you both having a laugh about it. So she knows you’ve both clocked it

Ffs it's not a fucking American high school movie they are in!!

@emilyjane29 she has no concrete evidence that the woman "fancies" him...just a few incidents where she has ASSUMED she does. She is doing too much thinking around this to be honest. And let's just say the woman was to actually say out loud "I fancy your husband" what IS she going to do? She can't STOP her. She needs to just get on with it and stop doing everyone's thinking and her own.

RogueMNerKnowsNoShame · 31/03/2021 23:59

@bennibooboo

Thank you!

Thought it was just md

Namechangeforspring2021 · 01/04/2021 00:00

I quite like it when women flirt with my boyfriend, makes me feel proud to be with him (he is lovely I’d totally flirt with him too if I wasn’t already in a relationship with him 😀)

youshallnotpass9 · 01/04/2021 00:02

I would do nothing, you husband is adult enough to have kids, he should be adult enough to deal with this situation. If its making him uncomfortable, he should say something.

You draping yourself over him on the school run, is just going to reflect badly on you.

LettuceAveIt · 01/04/2021 00:13

@EKGEMS

Walk right up to her,introduce your self as the Mrs. and thank her if she would "stop openly ogling your husband". Then tell your husband if he doesn't knock off his participating in this melodrama he will be in the dog house

No way, what an ego boost for the woman to see you feeling threatened.

YouWereGr8InLittleMenstruators · 01/04/2021 00:15

I had a similar situation with DP, so can relate. DP first became the focus of attention for a couple of mums when DC1 was at nursery; he wasn't a super confident dad and would faff with bags and buggy, or struggle to get DC settled and get a bit flustered. These two mums would chat with him and try to help put DP at ease. DP is uncommonly handsome, and they were clearly enjoying flirting a bit with him I was told by one of the nursery nurses who was in the same choir as me. No harm done.
Then, when DC1 started school, the same mums and a third one started DP baiting for want of a better expression; they would look out for him in the playground at drop off or pickup and giggle and seemingly dare eachother to approach him, or call him over to chat but be weird and coy, and ignore me. It wasn't upsetting, just a bit strangely school-girly.
I definitely would not approach your DH's admirer; she clearly doesn't quite see how she comes across, and if she does, she certainly doesn't care. Just let your DP be persistently boundaried and clear.
Good luck, OP.

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 01/04/2021 00:20

Accompany him to school pick up and do a full on PDA with snogging in the playground in front of her? (Your DC may never live it down though)

Get him to message her something explicit and if she replies message back 'oh god how embarrassing that was meant for my wife'

Or in the real world just ignore.
Be glad you have a gorgeous DH who loves you and is loyal to you.

user1481840227 · 01/04/2021 00:20

I've had loads of men openly stare at me or make it obvious they fancy me, I've had one dad at the school saying that he loved the school run cos he got to look at my arse .

I'm single now, but I certainly would never have made a big deal out of it to my ex because and if I did mention it and he had to come along to witness it for himself then really that is just ridiculous and dramatic.

Also any talk about you confronting her or telling her to stop is just OTT, all she's done is said hello and smile and look at him, sure, it's annoying but you can't police things like that. She can't force him to run off with her or anything. Women have to put up with that crap all the time and we manage to control ourselves!

I never accepted any friend requests from any men like that though!

If she is making your husband feel uncomfortable then let him handle it and tell her straight out that it makes him feel very uncomfortable!

AnotherKrampus · 01/04/2021 00:28

Just come along on some school runs and kinda dry hump him when she's looking

berrygirlie · 01/04/2021 00:32

Since we're all having a competition about who can suggest the most deranged solution, I suggest you organise a brunch gangbang in the middle of the playground with all the parents except her - then for a bit of added spice, run her over with your car on the way back home.

CodMouth · 01/04/2021 00:35

Don’t smile at her and definitely don’t befriend her....she’ll start coming around to your house when you’re not home.

SeaShoreGalore · 01/04/2021 00:37

Doesn’t sound like she’s done much wrong to be honest. There’s one of the dads at my DDs school I used to smile and say hello to because I used to feel sorry for him, but didn’t really acknowledge his wife because she was a mardy arse. Could it be something like that?

If she does fancy him then saying something to her will confirm it as a love triangle in her mind. So don’t do that, unless you enjoy the drama

Suzi888 · 01/04/2021 00:39

Do nothing? your DH has told you everything, he’s unfriended her on fb, (he could block her). If you say anything, she’s going to deny it and I think you run the risk of looking like the crazy, insecure wife.

EmergencyHydrangea · 01/04/2021 00:48

Why would you care? So someone fancies your husband, as long as you trust him it doesn't matter.

Famousinlove · 01/04/2021 00:49

Tell DH to start wearing crocs on the school run?

VettiyaIruken · 01/04/2021 01:18

Go with him on the school run, stick out your tongue, lick his face from chin to eyebrow then look her straight in the face.

I used to do that with chocolate when I was a kid so I didn't have to share.

Bagsied.

(Seriously though, it sounds like a silly crush. Nothing to worry about)

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 01/04/2021 01:22

If we're going for the most deranged solution, then I advise OP to come into the playground two minutes after her DH has arrived, make eye contact with the other mum, and then squat down and piss all over her DH's shoes whilst maintaining constant eye contact with the other mum the entire time

If we're living in the real world however, then OP & her DH are best off just ignoring this woman, and taking the piss out off her hair-flicky, eye-meet, hand on forearm ways. It is bloody unsettling. DP gets a lot of attention from other women, despite not being remotely physically attractive, and it winds me up, but he's learnt to see through it now. I still hate it, especially when I know women befriend me to get close to him. I can't control him or them, but I can just laugh about it now, because they won't ever have him.

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