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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School mum flirting with my dh

380 replies

silverfish00 · 31/03/2021 22:55

Dh and I have been married 15 years, two dc both primary age.

Due to work dh does all school runs apart from the odd occasion when I will go myself.

A few months back dh started mentioning one of the mums at the school was openly making it clear she fancies him. Never had a conversation but always looking out for him, trying to catch his eye etc. Our dc are not in the same years but their classrooms are nearby so plenty opportunities to end up having a conversation.
Dh said she has only ever spoke to him once and she was talking about the weather.
I didn't really think anything of it and it all got forgotten.

Fast forward a few weeks later dh mentions it's very odd how she acts like he doesn't exist when I'm with him on the school runs.
I thought maybe it's all in dh's head and she was just being friendly and he was thinking far too much into it.

A week or so after all that I notice dh now has her as a friend on Facebook as she commented on a wildlife photograph he had taken. I asked him why and he said she sent him a request and although he only likes family and close friends on his Facebook he accepted her so as not to seem rude.
Dh was mainly concerned with as to how she knew his full name, in the end we guessed she had seen him on the school Facebook page and just added him.
Anyway, I ignored all of this and again put it to the back of my mind.

After all was forgotten and it hadn't been mentioned again for a couple of weeks I decided to join dh on the school run.
I sat in the back of the car with youngest dc and our other dc in the front with dh.
We were parked up on the side of the road outside the school when the mum drives towards us. She didn't see me in the back as the windows are tinted, she only say oldest dc and dh in the front. She slows right down and pulls up alongside, rolls her window down and shouts "hello you" with a big smile. Car behind her started papping their horn as she's blocking all the traffic which made her move on. That is the first time I ever saw her acknowledge dh, she went out of her way when he wasn't even looking in her direction, yet when he's with me she refuses to look anywhere near him let alone say hello Confused

This made me realise it's not all in dh's head at all and call me paranoid/childish but the next time we went to the school I stayed in the car which you can see the playground clearly from.
I watched dh walk onto the playground, she immediately spots him and can't take her eyes off him, she kept looking over, smiling then talking to one of the other school mums who she's very close with and giggling like a teenager. She was very openly flirting with him.

All of this rather annoyed me but I kept my cool and ignored it ever happened. Dh deleted her off Facebook saying she probably wouldn't notice and he could tell I wasn't very happy about it all.

All went quiet again but it started playing on my mind after seeing what she was doing. I haven't been with him on the school run for a week or so now and she hasn't been mentioned until tonight when dh comes and shows me she's sent him another friend request on Facebook after she must have realised he deleted her. He declines it in front of me but told me she's continued giggling and openly flirting with him at the school.

I don't know how to handle this and it's making me feel like complete shit Sad Do I do something about it? What would you do in my situation? Or would you just leave it alone?

OP posts:
WisnaeMe · 01/04/2021 05:04

He really should just be blocking her

Cocogreen · 01/04/2021 05:08

Don’t do anything, except hold hands with your husband while you walk into the playground. Every single time.
Poor man must be embarrassed by her.

PeggyHill · 01/04/2021 06:08

There’s no way my partner would accept a friend request from some random mum at the school, especially one acting like some immature teenager.

Yes, I thought that too. I've had similar situations in the past (DH is a doctor and for some reason as soon as the daycare mums found out a few of them started fawning over him like flies round shit, it was cringey as fuck) but my DH told me about it at home and we laughed at how pathetic they were. He wouldn't have accepted friend requests from them just to "not be rude". That is quite obviously encouraging the behaviour. He is very cool and distant from the flirty ones and avoids interacting with them. Your DH should probably be doing this.

SandysMam · 01/04/2021 06:34

There are a few variables here though OP, is she attractive? It shouldn’t make a difference but it does. The “Hello You!” would indicate a level of closeness (unless she actually is unhinged) that I would feel uncomfortable about.

Geamhradh · 01/04/2021 06:43

Just realized this is in AIBU not Relationships which explains most of the posts.
How did he introduce his theory to you about her fancying him? Because nothing you've said indicates that until the "hello you" moment.
How did he react at the "hello you" moment?
He told you she fancied him, then you found her on his FB? And of all the people from whom he doesn't accept friend requests, he accepts the woman who is making a play for him? Really?
If he accepted her to not hurt her feelings, (weird in itself) he could just have then set his FB so she never saw anything he posted.
Is she still on his FB? Why? He knows you're stressed about this.

You don't need to do anything. Except listen out for his mentionitis. He needs to get her off his SM for a start. I'd be analysing the "hello you" moment a bit more deeply but I'm a forensic linguist. Who do you (or anyone) say that too? Exactly.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/04/2021 06:49

He ignores her when he knows you’re looking. What about when he does not? I’m not trying to make you paranoid. Just that I have read threads from women, who say they’ve been cheated on with women their partners said they had no interest in. Hopefully not and hopefully accepting the friend request is people pleasing.

Shoxfordian · 01/04/2021 06:54

As long as you trust him then you should ignore it

I’m not sure why he felt the need to accept the friend request though so I’d keep an eye on that

Aposterhasnoname · 01/04/2021 06:59

DH should block her on Facebook, that should send enough of a message that he’s not interested. Other than that just ignore, she’ll soon get bored and move on to the next one.

KindChick · 01/04/2021 07:10

I hate women like this.
I agree with other posts - how did your husband respond when she said Hello You.
Is his Facebook set to private so she can’t see any of your life.
She will persist and she will also read massively into anything she perceives as him ‘connecting’ back - eye contact, a wave let alone accepting on Facebook.
My husband went out with a girl in his teens. Roll forward 30 years and she literally giggles, waves, drives past where he works - like she has never moved on from being 15. What I do know is she won’t ever drop it and is looking for any opportunity.
Does your hubby definitely not give anything back at all. This woman will keep on going.

Livelovebehappy · 01/04/2021 07:15

The best thing to do is to ignore her and the situation. If she gets any idea that you’re insecure with her attention to your DH, she will take it that you feel threatened, and she might think that you see her as a threat and press on with her flirting. Just think of her as sad and desperate - pity her in your head.

LEMtheoriginal · 01/04/2021 07:18

Am i the only one who's spidey senses are tingling? FB deletions and rerequests. "Hello You" implies that there has at least been conersations between them. I think hes rather enjoyig the attention and/or covering his arse!

Note - im usually the one who doesn't see suspicious things on threads where everyone calling OW but the Hello You? You simply don't say that to someone youve not spoken to.

Blossomplease6 · 01/04/2021 07:19

I’m sorry but I imagine he has quite enjoyed it and that’s why he is mentioning it to you. It sounds like they’ve possibly communicated when you are not there. You wouldn’t randomly pull up alongside someone’s car and say “hello you” if you’ve never spoke to them before. Sounds like he enjoys the attention and drama.

Bluntness100 · 01/04/2021 07:22

Surprised at these responses. She’s literally said “hello you”, looked over whilst giggling, and made a friends request on face book a couple of times,

I mean literally that’s it.

OhShitShit · 01/04/2021 07:23

The “hello you” suggests your DH hasn’t been QUITE as cool with her as he’s telling you. It’s something you say to someone you have a two-way rapport with (platonic or not), not a one-way crush.

Also I think it’s weird your DH accepted her on FB and that he keeps telling you about the flirting. Surely it’s just delete/block/ignore if you’re so not into it?

Personally, I think his heads been turned a little bit, he’s gone along with the flirting a bit and he feels guilty.

But I’m not there, I don’t know. Just something about the story doesn’t suggest DH is as innocent as innocent can be...

Geamhradh · 01/04/2021 07:24

@LEMtheoriginal

Am i the only one who's spidey senses are tingling? FB deletions and rerequests. "Hello You" implies that there has at least been conersations between them. I think hes rather enjoyig the attention and/or covering his arse!

Note - im usually the one who doesn't see suspicious things on threads where everyone calling OW but the Hello You? You simply don't say that to someone youve not spoken to.

No, you're not the only one. There's something well dodgy about his behaviour. It's very easy to believe (or want to) the person we love, and to put all the blame onto the woman. It might be the case that he's totally innocent. But he needs to show he's dealing with it. I'd be looking through his phone as well tbh.
lollipoprainbow · 01/04/2021 07:30

@RazzleToes 😂😂

Morgan12 · 01/04/2021 07:31

I'd be quiet for a good few weeks and then dig deeper.

Your DH seems way too 'honest' about all this. Its not a big deal and hardly seems worth mentioning tbh but yet he's made a huge deal out of it.

Surely she would have taken the hint when she was deleted as a friend?

And 'hello you'? Call me skeptical but this situation screams of 'being open and honest to throw you off the scent'.

Time to play detective and make sure it really is innocent.

mrsduff · 01/04/2021 07:32

I think DH wearing Crocs on the school run would definitely nip any of this in the bud Grin

Do you know the other mums in the class, can you discreetly ask them if this woman is a known nutcase? What's her story? A bit more perspective could be useful..

everythingthelighttouches · 01/04/2021 07:34

I think hes rather enjoyig the attention and/or covering his arse!

This^

Oblomov21 · 01/04/2021 07:35

This thread is mental. Playground politics eh? Laughing at Danny Dyer fight! Grin

DrSbaitso · 01/04/2021 07:36

I really wouldn't do any of the public displays of ownership or OTT toxic sweetness to her or anything else designed to communicate something to her while retaining plausible deniability so you can try to save face when you inevitably look like a total loon. If you have something to say, own it fgs.

But I don't think you have anything to worry about. Your husband isn't interested and it's his actions, not hers, that will dictate what happens or doesn't happen. Talk to him, not her. He sounds like a good 'un, he could reassure you.

EssentialHummus · 01/04/2021 07:36

If it was my DH I'd be telling him how uncomfortable it made me and asking him not to talk to her/make eye contact/anything on the school run. Pretend to be on his phone if need be. Be cold towards her.

ShutUpAlex · 01/04/2021 07:37

If he’s not doing a thing back then you just have to get over it. People flirt with mine all the time, he’s hot!

BoozeBegone · 01/04/2021 07:39

Grin Grin
Op, why do you need to do anything?

BoozeBegone · 01/04/2021 07:40

That was meant to quote the postrr who put :gerrof you slag, He's mine!!"

Hilarious.

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