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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School mum flirting with my dh

380 replies

silverfish00 · 31/03/2021 22:55

Dh and I have been married 15 years, two dc both primary age.

Due to work dh does all school runs apart from the odd occasion when I will go myself.

A few months back dh started mentioning one of the mums at the school was openly making it clear she fancies him. Never had a conversation but always looking out for him, trying to catch his eye etc. Our dc are not in the same years but their classrooms are nearby so plenty opportunities to end up having a conversation.
Dh said she has only ever spoke to him once and she was talking about the weather.
I didn't really think anything of it and it all got forgotten.

Fast forward a few weeks later dh mentions it's very odd how she acts like he doesn't exist when I'm with him on the school runs.
I thought maybe it's all in dh's head and she was just being friendly and he was thinking far too much into it.

A week or so after all that I notice dh now has her as a friend on Facebook as she commented on a wildlife photograph he had taken. I asked him why and he said she sent him a request and although he only likes family and close friends on his Facebook he accepted her so as not to seem rude.
Dh was mainly concerned with as to how she knew his full name, in the end we guessed she had seen him on the school Facebook page and just added him.
Anyway, I ignored all of this and again put it to the back of my mind.

After all was forgotten and it hadn't been mentioned again for a couple of weeks I decided to join dh on the school run.
I sat in the back of the car with youngest dc and our other dc in the front with dh.
We were parked up on the side of the road outside the school when the mum drives towards us. She didn't see me in the back as the windows are tinted, she only say oldest dc and dh in the front. She slows right down and pulls up alongside, rolls her window down and shouts "hello you" with a big smile. Car behind her started papping their horn as she's blocking all the traffic which made her move on. That is the first time I ever saw her acknowledge dh, she went out of her way when he wasn't even looking in her direction, yet when he's with me she refuses to look anywhere near him let alone say hello Confused

This made me realise it's not all in dh's head at all and call me paranoid/childish but the next time we went to the school I stayed in the car which you can see the playground clearly from.
I watched dh walk onto the playground, she immediately spots him and can't take her eyes off him, she kept looking over, smiling then talking to one of the other school mums who she's very close with and giggling like a teenager. She was very openly flirting with him.

All of this rather annoyed me but I kept my cool and ignored it ever happened. Dh deleted her off Facebook saying she probably wouldn't notice and he could tell I wasn't very happy about it all.

All went quiet again but it started playing on my mind after seeing what she was doing. I haven't been with him on the school run for a week or so now and she hasn't been mentioned until tonight when dh comes and shows me she's sent him another friend request on Facebook after she must have realised he deleted her. He declines it in front of me but told me she's continued giggling and openly flirting with him at the school.

I don't know how to handle this and it's making me feel like complete shit Sad Do I do something about it? What would you do in my situation? Or would you just leave it alone?

OP posts:
Tankflybosswalkjam · 01/04/2021 01:22

Weird. Where I’m from, she’d get battered.

Susannahmoody · 01/04/2021 01:30

I never see any hot men on my school run 🤔😢

onemorerose · 01/04/2021 01:41

Lol at some of these posts, especially the begs and licking face. It’s annoying when you know someone is blatantly flirting with your oh but as pp you need to have trust.

IHateCoronavirus · 01/04/2021 01:42

Op it sounds like you have a good and honest DH.

Feel sorry for her, she is obviously a very lonely woman, the school run may be her big social event of the day, especially at the moment with covid etc. She might pull back once things open up more.

Let her see you occasionally with DH on the school run. Be present with him in a naturally loving manner, hold hands, talk etc but don’t go overboard. Let her see your solid foundation built on trust and respect.

You could always give him
A couple minutes head start, so she approaches him, then when you join him he could introduce you as his better-half.

EKGEMS · 01/04/2021 01:42

@NinthCircle LMAO I'm almost crying over the mental picture

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 01/04/2021 01:45

There are definitely some hot guys at ours.

All coupled up with equally hot women sadly and and mainly young enough to be my grandsons.

WisnaeMe · 01/04/2021 01:47

Send Her a Friend Request OP.

Tankflybosswalkjam · 01/04/2021 01:49

Truly Finest Mumsnet:

I advise OP to come into the playground two minutes after her DH has arrived, make eye contact with the other mum, and then squat down and piss all over her DH's shoes whilst maintaining constant eye contact with the other mum the entire time

PeggyHill · 01/04/2021 01:53

I don't think you need to feel like shit. Your DH is so clearly not interested and has been very open with you about the whole thing, so you really have nothing to worry about.

However, I can understand that it doesn't feel very nice to know that she's behaving like this. The fact that she's still doing this even though he deleted her off Facebook makes me think that she's quite pushy.

It's really up to your DH to shrug her off. Perhaps next time she goes to talk to him he should say to her "can you stop sending me fb friend requests please? You're making me feel uncomfortable". Or he could just deny the request and then block her. He should definitely be brushing her off every time she tried to speak to him.

Notapheasantplucker · 01/04/2021 02:15

@Famousinlove
Tell DH to start wearing crocs on the school run?
Best answer everGrin

PutItInNeutral · 01/04/2021 02:15

Your DH is in the clear. She’s bonkers. He needs to actively ignore her, every time, and if that doesn’t work, he needs to tell her. She’s bold.

WisnaeMe · 01/04/2021 02:17

Sounds like your DH is maybe enjoying the attention a tad OP, knowing someone fancies him has maybe boosted his ego, but other than that, I suspect that's all this is. Only you know truly how he reacts etc.

When I suggested sending Her a FriendRequest, it was to find if might give a clearer picture. If she accepts fine, if she doesn't then she's gone out her way to target your DH 🌸

Silvetmoon · 01/04/2021 02:22

Her behaviour is weird. Personally I think your DH should unfriend her - he never should’ve accepted the request in the first place.

Rustygriswold · 01/04/2021 02:24

She’s just got a crush.
It’s harmless, so ignore it.
Your husband has made it clear he’s not responding to her.

Anything you do to mark your territory with him in front of her could escalate her behaviour ; he’ll then become more of a challenge, something stalkers thrive on. Which is the worst case scenario of what she could be. At this stage, probably not.

Husband isn’t doing anything wrong. Why are people saying he’s ‘encouraging the melodrama’ ?

MorningNinja · 01/04/2021 02:27

Are you sure there isn't anything going on between them OP? You haven't seen how your DH acts when you're not there.

He told you he thought she fancied him yet he still accepted a friend request from her when he only usually has friends and family? He shouldn't have done that out of respect for you.

If her behaviour is OTT he needs to have a quiet word in her ear. As for you, just drop the kids off without any comment/daggers/PDA and retain your dignity.

WeekendCEO · 01/04/2021 02:36

There’s no way my partner would accept a friend request from some random mum at the school, especially one acting like some immature teenager. He needs to be very cool with her, only say hello and only if he can’t avoid her. Other than that, don’t let it affect you, shes irrelevant.

munchiemunch · 01/04/2021 03:05

Whatever you do don’t befriend her!!

1forAll74 · 01/04/2021 03:21

I would not do anything about it at all,Your Husband tells you what she gets up to, and she seems to be a bit of a pest.. Just ignore her Facebook stuff..I dare say that she keeps looking at your Husband , but you can't do much about that. If she ups her game, then you can giver her an earful !

Freyaismyname · 01/04/2021 03:28

@Tankflybosswalkjam

Weird. Where I’m from, she’d get battered.
Hmm I was thinking the same thing
nimbuscloud · 01/04/2021 03:35

Did you post about this before?

Laserbird16 · 01/04/2021 03:44

Um surely just cackle like a drain and enjoy that your hot DH is with you, is the correct procedure? Or perhaps you could try a threat display like a chimpanzee and do a back flip off the play ground equipment?

I'm biased I think my DH is smoking. I find it rather funny when he gets checked out. He gets all flustered and blushy.

picknmix1984 · 01/04/2021 04:36

Can't you just say'my husband is somewhat confused' and she will reply 'confused by what?' And you reply 'he has noticed to waving, talking to him and sending Facebook requests to him and thinks you must have mistaken him for someone else. Do you know him? Because if you do I can let him know. If not I didn't want you to embarrass yourself' Wait for answer. walk away.

WisnaeMe · 01/04/2021 04:47

@picknmix1984

Can't you just say'my husband is somewhat confused' and she will reply 'confused by what?' And you reply 'he has noticed to waving, talking to him and sending Facebook requests to him and thinks you must have mistaken him for someone else. Do you know him? Because if you do I can let him know. If not I didn't want you to embarrass yourself' Wait for answer. walk away.

🤣😂

sykadelic · 01/04/2021 04:50

I understand why you feel shit. It feels insulting to have someone be so rude and disrespectful of you/your relationship to be openly flirting with your husband.

That said, she can only have as much power over how you feel, as you allow her to have. She's found someone to latch onto. She's not getting anything out of it. She's literally just a rando to him, and he needs to make that clear by not friending her again. You also need to think of her as nothing more than someone at a coffee shop serving drinks. Just someone that you have contact with at various times, but no relationship/friendship outside of that.

If she asks why he hasn't or why he deleted her (I'd hope she wouldn't but you never know)... he can just say he thought she was someone else, he only adds friends/family, no offense, hope she has a great day. Gotta get home, bye.

BlackCatShadow · 01/04/2021 05:01

This thread is brilliant! Grin

I mean obviously not for the op.

I'd just ignore her though.

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