School mum flirting with my dh

[silverfish00]

Dh and I have been married 15 years, two dc both primary age.

Due to work dh does all school runs apart from the odd occasion when I will go myself.

A few months back dh started mentioning one of the mums at the school was openly making it clear she fancies him. Never had a conversation but always looking out for him, trying to catch his eye etc. Our dc are not in the same years but their classrooms are nearby so plenty opportunities to end up having a conversation.
Dh said she has only ever spoke to him once and she was talking about the weather.
I didn't really think anything of it and it all got forgotten.

Fast forward a few weeks later dh mentions it's very odd how she acts like he doesn't exist when I'm with him on the school runs.
I thought maybe it's all in dh's head and she was just being friendly and he was thinking far too much into it.

A week or so after all that I notice dh now has her as a friend on Facebook as she commented on a wildlife photograph he had taken. I asked him why and he said she sent him a request and although he only likes family and close friends on his Facebook he accepted her so as not to seem rude.
Dh was mainly concerned with as to how she knew his full name, in the end we guessed she had seen him on the school Facebook page and just added him.
Anyway, I ignored all of this and again put it to the back of my mind.

After all was forgotten and it hadn't been mentioned again for a couple of weeks I decided to join dh on the school run.
I sat in the back of the car with youngest dc and our other dc in the front with dh.
We were parked up on the side of the road outside the school when the mum drives towards us. She didn't see me in the back as the windows are tinted, she only say oldest dc and dh in the front. She slows right down and pulls up alongside, rolls her window down and shouts "hello you" with a big smile. Car behind her started papping their horn as she's blocking all the traffic which made her move on. That is the first time I ever saw her acknowledge dh, she went out of her way when he wasn't even looking in her direction, yet when he's with me she refuses to look anywhere near him let alone say hello

This made me realise it's not all in dh's head at all and call me paranoid/childish but the next time we went to the school I stayed in the car which you can see the playground clearly from.
I watched dh walk onto the playground, she immediately spots him and can't take her eyes off him, she kept looking over, smiling then talking to one of the other school mums who she's very close with and giggling like a teenager. She was very openly flirting with him.

All of this rather annoyed me but I kept my cool and ignored it ever happened. Dh deleted her off Facebook saying she probably wouldn't notice and he could tell I wasn't very happy about it all.

All went quiet again but it started playing on my mind after seeing what she was doing. I haven't been with him on the school run for a week or so now and she hasn't been mentioned until tonight when dh comes and shows me she's sent him another friend request on Facebook after she must have realised he deleted her. He declines it in front of me but told me she's continued giggling and openly flirting with him at the school.

I don't know how to handle this and it's making me feel like complete shit Do I do something about it? What would you do in my situation? Or would you just leave it alone?

He's a man, so it's clearly his fault and the poor women has been caught up in his evil plans. OP should be getting her ducks in a row, collecting up an escape fund and making plans to LTB.

@AnneLovesGilbert

What’s a beg and what’s a wagon?

I assumed that "wagon" was the same as calling a woman a "bike", but I have no idea what a "beg" is - unless it means she's desperate!

I’m sorry but I imagine he has quite enjoyed it and that’s why he is mentioning it to you. It sounds like they’ve possibly communicated when you are not there. You wouldn’t randomly pull up alongside someone’s car and say “hello you” if you’ve never spoke to them before. Sounds like he enjoys the attention and drama.

^I agree with this. And you certainly don’t accept Facebook friendship requests from someone you’re trying to avoid.

I wouldn’t worry sounds like you’ve got a hubby with his head on straight. And really if you did anything to confront her or make your feelings known then she’ll know she’s hit a nerve. Better to let her seethe wondering why she can’t even get on his friends list - like she’s so nothing that she hardly makes an impression! 😉 which is true from what I can see!

@LEMtheoriginal

Am i the only one who's spidey senses are tingling? FB deletions and rerequests. "Hello You" implies that there has at least been conersations between them. I think hes rather enjoyig the attention and/or covering his arse!

Note - im usually the one who doesn't see suspicious things on threads where everyone calling OW but the Hello You? You simply don't say that to someone youve not spoken to.

Absolutely this!

The only people I say "Hello you!" too are small children and dogs that come up to me and sniff me.

Saying it to an adult implies a degree of intimacy . . . it's cringey. I think he's been flirting back, and is now worried because it looks like it may go further than he wants - he liked the flattery but doesn't actually want to do anything more.

The 'hello you' part would concern me.
If your dh has remained polite to her by just saying hello or the odd wave, it seems like a weird thing to say.

There are a lot of dads in my ds class and we say hello to each other. I couldn't imagine pulling up to one of them and saying hello you.

Send her a Facebook friend request.

@alanpartridgefromtheoasthouse

Send her a Facebook friend request.

Pmsl you so should

@EKGEMS

Walk right up to her,introduce your self as the Mrs. and thank her if she would "stop openly ogling your husband". Then tell your husband if he doesn't knock off his participating in this melodrama he will be in the dog house

How is he participating?

Tongue in cheek suggestion.

Walk up to her with a very sympathetic face (in my fantasy maybe carrying a bunch of supermarket tulips or roses).

“Hello there, sorry what’s your name? DH said it’s Pamela I think? Oh, SORRY, Louise. Louise, it’s lovely to meet you. These are for you, just a little something to cheer you up. I understand you’ve been feeling a bit lonely recently. DH mentioned a few times he feels really sorry for you and he wondered if I’d mind taking you under my wing a bit and befriending you. Listen, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. He’s explained that you’re struggling to fit in a bit, playground politics are a nightmare aren’t they?! Here’s my number and feel free to add me on Facebook. DH is a lovely sensitive bloke, honestly his heart goes out to you, he’s always saying how you are so lonely you’ve tagged on to him so must be desperate haha but in all seriousness, he is quite blokes and finds friendships with women quite uncomfortable. He can be a bit awkward like that. Hence him sending me! Now don’t you worry hun, bless your heart, you’ll be ok, you’ve got a friend in me. Can’t be here everyday but DH will keep me updated with everything. To be honest he always is! Oh Louise looked so sad today. She saw me coming and looked so relieved just to have a friendly face. I wish she could meet you and feel a bit more confident. Also, if it would help, I can mention that you are looking to expand your friendship circles to some of the other mums that are very approachable and sweet too. Lots of kind hearted people here of you know who to approach. Awwwww if it wasn’t for Covid, I’d give you a great big hug now. But don’t worry, we are watching out for you! DH will let me know if you are settling in a bit better. Lovely to meet you hun. You keep your chin up now!”

Season dish with loads of tinkly laughs and sympathetic head tilts. And look especially hot AF that day.

"Ah so Karen you are the school mum that has a thing for my partner, that's really lovely, I hope you find someone like him for yourself"

I've had this! With several mums unfortunately! Right down to the completely ignoring me or giving me dirty looks but making a bee line for husband when they hadn't spotted me nearby.
One woman was especially bad and other people started noticing and asking what the hell is that about.
I ignored it at first but she got worse and started sending husband messages that she obviously thought were subtle but she was testing the waters to see if he would take the bait.
So in the end I started telling people and laughing about her crazy behaviour.
Figured if she was so brazen to not give a shit about my feelings, why should I give a shit about hers.

As a member of school staff, can you not do any of these suggestions on the playground please?

Separating fighting parents in front of children is an absolute arse ache.

As a member of school staff can i ask

Seems to be a lot of feedback to you on this woman from your dh when they have only allegedly ever spoken twice over the space of months.

Even if she has taken a shine to your dh surely he is perfectly capable of having his own boundaries.

It is your dh that is making you feel shit, tell him to stop telling you about perceived looks and harmless playground chats.

Add her on Facebook and send her a message saying hello you....

It's on your DH to manage. He's perfectly capable of keeping her at arm's length and discouraging her if he wants to.

I don't think there's really anything you can do except whenever you're on the school run make a beeline for her and introduce yourself and be really friendly - she'll soon get the message and bugger off.

Your DH sounds very honest

Why do you need to deal with it? Your DH has been up front and it's not illegal to flirt with someone, married or not.

Shes the one making herself look a twat. If you make it into a thing you're the one who looks like the dick.

@Mittens030869

*I’m sorry but I imagine he has quite enjoyed it and that’s why he is mentioning it to you. It sounds like they’ve possibly communicated when you are not there. You wouldn’t randomly pull up alongside someone’s car and say “hello you” if you’ve never spoke to them before. Sounds like he enjoys the attention and drama.*

^I agree with this. And you certainly don’t accept Facebook friendship requests from someone you’re trying to avoid.

Yup, I have a friend who has been chatting to me for some time about a school mum whom seems to fancy him. He's told his wife and they laugh about it. But him and this school mum are definitely progressing, they were seeing a LOT of each other before the latest lockdown. He's clearly loving the attention, has even asked her her opinion of disagreements he has with his wife, and is pretty obviously at least considering the next step.

A husband telling his wife someone else fancies him is NOT the sure sign he's not tempted that people on MN seem to think it is.

@EKGEMS

Walk right up to her,introduce your self as the Mrs. and thank her if she would "stop openly ogling your husband". Then tell your husband if he doesn't knock off his participating in this melodrama he will be in the dog house

OP, don’t do this. Really bad advice

@berrygirlie

Since we're all having a competition about who can suggest the most deranged solution, I suggest you organise a brunch gangbang in the middle of the playground with all the parents except her - then for a bit of added spice, run her over with your car on the way back home.

Actually that sounds like the only sensible option.

Is your husband doing anything back to her to encourage this behaviour?

“Never had a conversation but always looking out for him, trying to catch his eye etc.”, she seems like he is avoiding him...

Mmh... your husband is an idiot full of himself, perhaps he is the creepy type of man that thinks that every single thing a woman can do from smiling to ignore him means they want to have sex with him? The fact that he is telling you, his wife, she fancies him out of nothing really, is a serious sign that you have nothing to worry about, you live with a fantasist.

It seems he is enjoying relaying it to you and having the attention. Very suspicious.