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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

School mum flirting with my dh

380 replies

silverfish00 · 31/03/2021 22:55

Dh and I have been married 15 years, two dc both primary age.

Due to work dh does all school runs apart from the odd occasion when I will go myself.

A few months back dh started mentioning one of the mums at the school was openly making it clear she fancies him. Never had a conversation but always looking out for him, trying to catch his eye etc. Our dc are not in the same years but their classrooms are nearby so plenty opportunities to end up having a conversation.
Dh said she has only ever spoke to him once and she was talking about the weather.
I didn't really think anything of it and it all got forgotten.

Fast forward a few weeks later dh mentions it's very odd how she acts like he doesn't exist when I'm with him on the school runs.
I thought maybe it's all in dh's head and she was just being friendly and he was thinking far too much into it.

A week or so after all that I notice dh now has her as a friend on Facebook as she commented on a wildlife photograph he had taken. I asked him why and he said she sent him a request and although he only likes family and close friends on his Facebook he accepted her so as not to seem rude.
Dh was mainly concerned with as to how she knew his full name, in the end we guessed she had seen him on the school Facebook page and just added him.
Anyway, I ignored all of this and again put it to the back of my mind.

After all was forgotten and it hadn't been mentioned again for a couple of weeks I decided to join dh on the school run.
I sat in the back of the car with youngest dc and our other dc in the front with dh.
We were parked up on the side of the road outside the school when the mum drives towards us. She didn't see me in the back as the windows are tinted, she only say oldest dc and dh in the front. She slows right down and pulls up alongside, rolls her window down and shouts "hello you" with a big smile. Car behind her started papping their horn as she's blocking all the traffic which made her move on. That is the first time I ever saw her acknowledge dh, she went out of her way when he wasn't even looking in her direction, yet when he's with me she refuses to look anywhere near him let alone say hello Confused

This made me realise it's not all in dh's head at all and call me paranoid/childish but the next time we went to the school I stayed in the car which you can see the playground clearly from.
I watched dh walk onto the playground, she immediately spots him and can't take her eyes off him, she kept looking over, smiling then talking to one of the other school mums who she's very close with and giggling like a teenager. She was very openly flirting with him.

All of this rather annoyed me but I kept my cool and ignored it ever happened. Dh deleted her off Facebook saying she probably wouldn't notice and he could tell I wasn't very happy about it all.

All went quiet again but it started playing on my mind after seeing what she was doing. I haven't been with him on the school run for a week or so now and she hasn't been mentioned until tonight when dh comes and shows me she's sent him another friend request on Facebook after she must have realised he deleted her. He declines it in front of me but told me she's continued giggling and openly flirting with him at the school.

I don't know how to handle this and it's making me feel like complete shit Sad Do I do something about it? What would you do in my situation? Or would you just leave it alone?

OP posts:
KarmaNoMore · 01/04/2021 08:34

Sorry, but what the hell are you doing playing spy wife hiding in the back of the car??? Sorry but that is bonkers

Do you think your husband needs protection? Honestly, just ignore it, she is not sending him naked photos of herself! It may not be to be totally innocent but it is years away from the time you need to intervene. As long as your relationship with him is solid, who cares?

FloraFauna27 · 01/04/2021 08:35

She fancies your husband. So what? Either he will reciprocate, in which case she isn’t the problem and you have bigger fish to fry, or he won’t, and that is that.

I seriously do not understand all of these embarrassing posts by grown women.

There are women who DH works with who fancy him. It’s not a crime, they are allowed to do so!

Ohnomoreno · 01/04/2021 08:35

Wow people lighten up. My husband is so damn hot that basically all the other mums ask me where I found him and tell me I lucked out. I'm sure they flirt with him when he does the school run. So what.

ThatsNotTheTeaHunty · 01/04/2021 08:35

I think your DH Has been honest but of course MN will decide he is full of himself and loves telling you all about it. Not that he could just be genuinely honest and feel uncomfortable.
Oh I forgot, men can't feel uncomfortable with unwanted attention it only happens to women.

Seriously, some of these replies are ridiculous. I think he feels uncomfortable and he needs to tell her to stop.

FloraFauna27 · 01/04/2021 08:37

@NameChangedForThisFeb21

Tongue in cheek suggestion.

Walk up to her with a very sympathetic face (in my fantasy maybe carrying a bunch of supermarket tulips or roses).

“Hello there, sorry what’s your name? DH said it’s Pamela I think? Oh, SORRY, Louise. Louise, it’s lovely to meet you. These are for you, just a little something to cheer you up. I understand you’ve been feeling a bit lonely recently. DH mentioned a few times he feels really sorry for you and he wondered if I’d mind taking you under my wing a bit and befriending you. Listen, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. He’s explained that you’re struggling to fit in a bit, playground politics are a nightmare aren’t they?! Here’s my number and feel free to add me on Facebook. DH is a lovely sensitive bloke, honestly his heart goes out to you, he’s always saying how you are so lonely you’ve tagged on to him so must be desperate haha but in all seriousness, he is quite blokes and finds friendships with women quite uncomfortable. He can be a bit awkward like that. Hence him sending me! Now don’t you worry hun, bless your heart, you’ll be ok, you’ve got a friend in me. Can’t be here everyday but DH will keep me updated with everything. To be honest he always is! Oh Louise looked so sad today. She saw me coming and looked so relieved just to have a friendly face. I wish she could meet you and feel a bit more confident. Also, if it would help, I can mention that you are looking to expand your friendship circles to some of the other mums that are very approachable and sweet too. Lots of kind hearted people here of you know who to approach. Awwwww if it wasn’t for Covid, I’d give you a great big hug now. But don’t worry, we are watching out for you! DH will let me know if you are settling in a bit better. Lovely to meet you hun. You keep your chin up now!”

Season dish with loads of tinkly laughs and sympathetic head tilts. And look especially hot AF that day.

Why would OP give someone this much headspace? Why are you giving someone this much headspace. That must have taken you 5 minutes to write!
els10 · 01/04/2021 08:39

Add her on Facebook, 🤭

Alsohuman · 01/04/2021 08:40

@bennibooboo

Just leave it OP. So she fancies him...or so you both think. Maybe she's like that with all men. Who actually cares? You would look like a bigger freak for approaching her about something you "think" is a fact. Because really and truly you making a lot of assumptions based on a few instances. You sound a little unhinged tbh
This. Apart from the giggling with her friend - which could have been about anything - it’s just normal friendly behaviour. I wouldn’t give it a second thought.
Laiste · 01/04/2021 08:41

At our school we're all still having to queue in single file round the block to do pick up and aren't allowed to hang around at all at drop off. PITA but at least playground politics is right off the menu.

Anyway, i agree with others who have said that pulling up alongside him in traffic to say ''hello you'' doesn't fit with the 'we never chat' narrative from DH. I mean who the hell stops to say hello you to a stranger who's deleted you from FB??

What would i do? Nothing for now.

I recon he's been flattered by the flirting, responded a bit, felt guilty and wants to back track, and has decided to lay out a filtered version of it all to you, OP, to cover his back and feel better.

NameChangedForThisFeb21 · 01/04/2021 08:44

Why would OP give someone this much headspace?
Why are you giving someone this much headspace. That must have taken you 5 minutes to write!

Why are you policing people’s tongue in cheek jokes?

Why are you so invested in how other people use their headspace?

Or how they choose to spend 5 minutes of their time?

Calm down and lighten up lady Grin!

mabelandivy · 01/04/2021 08:44

This would really annoy me. I'd probably ask DH to block her on Facebook so she can't contact him / request him again. Hopefully they might make her take the hint. She sounds so disrespectful but, like another post, I'd probably try and engage her in conversation and start talking about her "interest" in wildlife photography and watch her squirm!

Hoppinggreen · 01/04/2021 08:49

School Mum flirting with DH? Don’t care
DH flirting with School mum? Different matter

likeamillpond · 01/04/2021 08:49

There are women oiut there who will gnore other women but will automatically acknowledge the men.
I notice this happens when I'm walking with OH.
Very often we will pass a Woman walking on her own.
She will automatically smile at OH (who is no oil painting) but will ignore me!
Just like a sunflowers head will follow the sun, tbese airhead women will follow the man, whilst ignoring the woman.

MorrisZapp · 01/04/2021 08:50

My DP is hot and all the mums fancy him. It's great, I let him do all the tedious playdate admin. Slim pickings on the dad front but there's one who gets an extra smile from me, puts a skip in both our steps.

Christ, you're a long time dead.

SecretSpAD · 01/04/2021 08:51

Oh dear, I've just answered the phone to a male work colleague with "hello you" ......I don't know him well, he lives in another county and we've nit met in person. Was i not formal enough? ShockGrin

Should I confess to my husband?

NinthCircle · 01/04/2021 08:51

@MorrisZapp

My DP is hot and all the mums fancy him. It's great, I let him do all the tedious playdate admin. Slim pickings on the dad front but there's one who gets an extra smile from me, puts a skip in both our steps.

Christ, you're a long time dead.

I can't help but feel your DP is Desirée Zapp. Or possibly Hilary Swallow? Grin
Itsalonghaul · 01/04/2021 08:52

I have had this but the other way around, one of the school dads. Tell dh you find it uncomfortable, and he should be distancing himself every time she is around. I did exactly this, if walked towards me I would immediately walk away, he got the message and started working on another parent. This really is nothing to worry about unless you suspect him of being interested/flirting back.

You always get one school predator of either sex, nothing new.

Itsalonghaul · 01/04/2021 08:53

The 'hello you' would grate on me as well, it implies intimacy and knowing him more than she does.

MrsEricBana · 01/04/2021 08:54

@BabyC21

Add her on Facebook and send her a message saying hello you....
PLEASE OH PLEASE do this
MerryChristmasToYou · 01/04/2021 08:55

@firedog

Any reason you feel so insecure?
Any reason why you felt the need to post this?
Laiste · 01/04/2021 08:55

@SecretSpAD

Oh dear, I've just answered the phone to a male work colleague with "hello you" ......I don't know him well, he lives in another county and we've nit met in person. Was i not formal enough? ShockGrin

Should I confess to my husband?

But the point is you know him, are familiar with him, have a connection (work colleague) and have talked together more than once i imagine.

OP's DH says he's never spoken to the ''hello you'' woman.

Alsohuman · 01/04/2021 08:57

@Itsalonghaul

The 'hello you' would grate on me as well, it implies intimacy and knowing him more than she does.
Wtf? Am I living in a parallel universe? It implies nothing of the sort. 🙄
Bettina500 · 01/04/2021 08:58

Clutching at straws... but could she think he's single? Are you visually present on his Facebook? If not and you're always separate up the school (I know this is usually the case but I've seen most parents together at some point) maybe she assumes you're separated. Why don't you go into the playground with him holding hands rather than waiting in the car and see what happens.
I agree with pp that it's good he's being open about it, but I also agree that the 'hello you' was a bit over familiar if she has barely held a conversation with him before... that doesn't add up!

Laiste · 01/04/2021 08:58

BabyC21 - Add her on Facebook and send her a message saying hello you....

Oh, you know what, i'm in the do nothing camp but .... that would be so tempting GrinGrin

Tashface · 01/04/2021 09:04

You need to mark your territory. Piss on him Grin

Roszie · 01/04/2021 09:06

If he said she never speaks to him, but the one time you were in the car she stopped traffic to say hello you, I'd be a bit wary of why he's not being honest.

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