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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should NRP use all of their annual leave to have their children more?

362 replies

SpongebobNoPants · 31/03/2021 18:09

Is it reasonable to expect the NRP to use every day of their annual leave to have their kids?
Situation is NRP has children EOW and 1-2 times a week for dinner, every bank holiday weekend, and time off for RP to go on solo holiday twice a year.
RP is a STAHP to 2 secondary aged children.

YABU - NRP should use all of their holiday allowance to have the kids more
YANBU - NRP can use annual leave for a few personal days too

OP posts:
Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 01/04/2021 15:12

@BungleandGeorge we aren’t complaining about not having a child free holiday, I don’t particularly want to holiday without my family to be honest.
The question was whether DP was wrong to have 3 days off work to himself

OP posts:
StarCourt · 01/04/2021 16:17

Both I and XH have to use all of our annual leave to cover DD's school
Holidays and there's still a shortfall. I couldn't go on holiday without her even if I wanted to!
Surely that's the case with most parents who work

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 01/04/2021 16:42

It’s a shame they can’t be at their fathers house without him having to be there given their ages and especially as other children live there.

He could have had them for the three nights and still had his days free. EOW doesn’t amount to much and may be less of they don’t want to come. He should he trying to ensure they do.

LucieStar · 01/04/2021 16:55

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

It’s a shame they can’t be at their fathers house without him having to be there given their ages and especially as other children live there.

He could have had them for the three nights and still had his days free. EOW doesn’t amount to much and may be less of they don’t want to come. He should he trying to ensure they do.

It is a shame but I suppose when you have a teenager who's difficult and tells lies about their SM, I wouldn't want to be left in charge without Dad there either tbh!

Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 01/04/2021 16:55

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss the older one can come and go as they please. The younger one I will not be responsible for on a regular basis, for a multitude of reasons. It is a shame but unfortunately not something I’m willing to negotiate on due to her past behaviour for my own and my children’s protection.
The other children that live there are my children who I am responsible for and completely irrelevant to whether my DP has had a couple of days to himself as a one off.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 01/04/2021 16:56

She can stay whenever she likes, as long as it’s not when DP is working nights.

OP posts:
FireflyRainbow · 01/04/2021 17:03

The parents the kids live with sounds like a nightmare. This is surely one of those reverse ones.

FireflyRainbow · 01/04/2021 17:06

Hope he didn't allow the crazy lady to have a go at him for booking annual leave. How dare she think she can dictate his life anyway. Sounds abusive.

Salarymallory · 01/04/2021 17:07

[quote SpongebobNoPants]@IceCreamAndCandyfloss the older one can come and go as they please. The younger one I will not be responsible for on a regular basis, for a multitude of reasons. It is a shame but unfortunately not something I’m willing to negotiate on due to her past behaviour for my own and my children’s protection.
The other children that live there are my children who I am responsible for and completely irrelevant to whether my DP has had a couple of days to himself as a one off.[/quote]
Why would you continue a relationship with a man knowing this in the first place?

First hint of this, I’d be thinking - no, this isn’t going to work in the long run. My children - first priority

Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 01/04/2021 17:27

@Salarymallory because hopefully this is temporary. We’ve been together 5.5 years and it’s only been recently. Until I feel comfortable in her behaviour I don’t want full solo responsibility for her

OP posts:
Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 01/04/2021 17:27

By my children’s protection, I mean from lies... not violence

OP posts:
Salarymallory · 01/04/2021 17:39

[quote SpongebobNoPants]@Salarymallory because hopefully this is temporary. We’ve been together 5.5 years and it’s only been recently. Until I feel comfortable in her behaviour I don’t want full solo responsibility for her[/quote]
How long has she been behaving in such an appalling way to you and your children’s “protection” that you don’t feel you can look after her alone?

Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 01/04/2021 17:50

She told some awful lies about me, I won’t go into detail but luckily when these things were supposed to have happened my DP was there so I didn’t have to defend or explain myself.
She said some things about my children’s behaviour towards her which were also untrue.

It’s been in the last 9/10 months since we’ve all lived together but came to a head just before Christmas. Until I’m fully comfortable in the knowledge she won’t do it again I won’t have her alone for any extended period of time.
I’m not being unreasonable, I’m under no obligation to be responsible for her and I also don’t expect my DP to be responsible for my kids either so it’s a mutual agreement.

OP posts:
MalbecMakesMeHappy · 01/04/2021 18:00

Me and my ex split school holidays 50:50. Our annual leave doesn't fully cover it all. It's up to us individually to either take AL, use holiday clubs, grandparents etc. I tend to use all my AL with my kids. My ex tends to take AL childfree and they end up stuck in whilst he's wfh. I don't agree but equally it's up to him how he uses his leave so long as childcare is covered.

[AUTO]yhcrykm39b002 · 01/04/2021 18:06

What are the abbreviations nrp rp and eow..

Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 01/04/2021 18:07

@MalbecMakesMeHappy do you work though? It’s a completely different issue if it’s because both parents work.

As I’ve said several times, DP has used all of his annual leave to cover childcare since they split, he literally just had 3 days he had to take before it expired this week. His kids were at school and he’s been running around after them doing school runs, offered for them to stay etc too.

His ex’s issue is that he didn’t tell her he was off and expected him to have them for the 3 days he was off.

This thread has been massively derailed.

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 01/04/2021 18:16

I agree with her though, he should have had them. They can’t stay if he is at work which means EOW so two nights so 52 nights a year plus a few extra days if he covers a holiday whereas she has them for twelve nights out of fourteen. You’d think he would be really thrilled to get a few extra days with them if he has them so infrequently.

TrustTheGeneGenie · 01/04/2021 18:19

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

I agree with her though, he should have had them. They can’t stay if he is at work which means EOW so two nights so 52 nights a year plus a few extra days if he covers a holiday whereas she has them for twelve nights out of fourteen. You’d think he would be really thrilled to get a few extra days with them if he has them so infrequently.
You'd think you'd have got bored of step parent and nrp bashing and defending the golden uterus but nope here you still are
LucieStar · 01/04/2021 18:26

His ex’s issue is that he didn’t tell her he was off

She is massively controlling.

Salarymallory · 01/04/2021 18:49

[quote SpongebobNoPants]@MalbecMakesMeHappy do you work though? It’s a completely different issue if it’s because both parents work.

As I’ve said several times, DP has used all of his annual leave to cover childcare since they split, he literally just had 3 days he had to take before it expired this week. His kids were at school and he’s been running around after them doing school runs, offered for them to stay etc too.

His ex’s issue is that he didn’t tell her he was off and expected him to have them for the 3 days he was off.

This thread has been massively derailed.[/quote]
3 days left
And he didn’t want to spend it with you and your children?

Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 01/04/2021 18:51

@Salarymallory he was literally limited as to when he could take those few days, we’ve got until 12th off now... both of us and all the kids

OP posts:
Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 01/04/2021 18:52

And not 3 days left, just 3 days extra he had to take it before 1st April.
He’s got all his annual leave for this year still to use to have his kids and spend together as a family.

OP posts:
Salarymallory · 01/04/2021 18:54

I find all this very convenient.

It’s like you are constructing the detail of this thread to fit entirely with the responses you want.

And I don’t know - I am just a bit Hmm now

ErinAoife · 01/04/2021 18:59

My ex only have the kids for two weeks over the summer, 1 overnight during the week and have them every second weekend, his own choice, he will not take them more. He was off today but lied to me that he was working and despite the kids being on holiday and me working he will not take them as he is selfish, he always put himself first. I would much prefer to have a more equal share but he refuse as he need to have his own life, his words not mine.

TrustTheGeneGenie · 01/04/2021 19:00

@Salarymallory

I find all this very convenient.

It’s like you are constructing the detail of this thread to fit entirely with the responses you want.

And I don’t know - I am just a bit Hmm now

Ffs. It's not unbelievable. My holiday year ended yesterday also. Many of our staff squeezed in their last few days.