Reporting your son

[Aqua55]

Looking at the rape culture in schools, and having a 7 month ds myself, i was wondering how many parents would report their school aged sons to the Police if they suspected or knew that they had committed a sexual assault.

[JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]

@ancientgran I'm sure she was bullied, or does happen, not sure how that's relevant to me and this thread?

So yes I have a problem with teachers who jump to the conclusion that boys are always in the wrong

Good job I'm not a teacher who "always thinks boys are in the wrong".- but dense of you to assume that, because I'm posting as a teacher on a thread about the behaviour of boys, examples of bad behaviour, that you think I believe "boys are always in the wrong". Did you actually expect me to say "Oh just for clarification, X Y and Z unrelated-to-this-subject incidents happen in school too"? So tedious when posters expect others to list caveats otherwise they hark on about "what about these people over here"

And FWIW I hate with a passion the parents who excuse their bully child's behaviour. Including parents who think 'boys will be boys' when their son sexually harasses a girl.

[MsTSwift]

The topic is sexual abuse which sadly this week has been evidenced to be endemic 🙁 in schools and the reporting of sons. Girl on girl bullying is an entirely different topic 🙄. No one is saying all girls are shining angels but our society has a problem with sexual violence and this is sadly reflected in our schools. Denying it doesn’t help. It’s not all boys of course (and they are damaged by this too) but it is too many of them. The threads by adult women detailing what many young men expect in the bedroom is upsetting too.

I would ban porn.

[Mittens030869]

It isn’t as if girl on girl bullying isn’t talked about. There are plenty of MN threads about it, as this is a parenting site. It would be equally wrong to derail one of those threads to talk about boys sexually harassing girls.

[ancientgran]

[quote JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]@ancientgran I'm sure she was bullied, or does happen, not sure how that's relevant to me and this thread?

So yes I have a problem with teachers who jump to the conclusion that boys are always in the wrong

Good job I'm not a teacher who "always thinks boys are in the wrong".- but dense of you to assume that, because I'm posting as a teacher on a thread about the behaviour of boys, examples of bad behaviour, that you think I believe "boys are always in the wrong". Did you actually expect me to say "Oh just for clarification, X Y and Z unrelated-to-this-subject incidents happen in school too"? So tedious when posters expect others to list caveats otherwise they hark on about "what about these people over here"

And FWIW I hate with a passion the parents who excuse their bully child's behaviour. Including parents who think 'boys will be boys' when their son sexually harasses a girl.[/quote]
And with all the protestations you finish with blaming boys again. You can't help it can you?

[MsTSwift]

Because that is the reality for many 🙄🙄

[waitingpatientlyforspring]

I have a 13 year old DS and yes if I knew or very strongly thought possible he should be a suspect I would report him. I would discuss with him first and hope it would be taking him in to confess.

[PerspicaciousGreen]

I wouldn't stand by and do nothing, but what I would do might depend on the crime.

I don't know that shopping my hypothetical 13yo son to the police for trying to take photos of girls knickers and send them to his friends would be the most helpful course of action. Grounding him for the rest of his fucking life, getting the school involved, making him use his weekends to write apology letters and essays about bodily autonomy and consent, making him bake cakes and take them round to the girls involved...

An 18yo spiking his girlfriend's drink and having at her with his mates? The thought chills me. I think I probably would report it to the police if he wouldn't turn himself in. But I think I would also hold his hand and cry throughout the trial and bring his favourite sweeties to him in jail.

I think you can "do the right thing" and still support your precious little boy.

[LexMitior]

Can I ask if there’s anything actually wrong to judge with boys who say such crude and hostile things to girls? I mean, it’s not an accident or a mistake. This is a positive act.

Seriously, shame the boy, bloody shame the parents who brought up this ingrate, why should the girl deal with it?

People are too polite about this stuff.

[JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]

@ancientgran blamed boys for what? Please point out in my post what I blamed boys for?

[JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]

Toxic masculinity, which is a by-product of patriarchy, seriously damages boys too. It all feeds into the same attitudes. So in wanting better for girls I'm actually helping boys. Unless anyone thinks boys have a god given right to sexually harass?