Reporting your son

[Aqua55]

Looking at the rape culture in schools, and having a 7 month ds myself, i was wondering how many parents would report their school aged sons to the Police if they suspected or knew that they had committed a sexual assault.

[Mittens030869]

But again, in the case of sexual assault, what if the victim was his younger sibling? How do you think the victim would think about that?

Also, if the crime was abuse against children, how would you keep the children in your family safe from your son??

[MobyDicksTinyCanoe]

Smeleanor what if your child sexually assaulted or badly hurt one of your other children? Or a family member? Would you protect that child above everyone else? 🤔

[luxxlisbon]

I wonder if there is a correlation between people who would "protect" their son above all else, even in the case of serious sexual assault and the boys/men who go on to actually carry out a sexual assault.

[ZiggyBaby]

@SmeleanorSmellstrop

I wouldn't. I wouldn't hand him in even if he'd committed a triple murder! If I found out about a sexual assault, i'd try to deal with it myself and get him education and help. Just being honest.

But I bet you'd want justice if someone committed a terrible crime against your child, wouldn't you?

[ancientgran]

@Emeraldshamrock

Yes I'd report and hopefully disown with a heavy heart.
Similarly if they murdered or tortured anyone unless self defence.
In saying all that if DD murdered a man most likely in self defence I'd dig out the patio or take the blame.
Double standards.
Wouldn't support DF/Dbro either.

What is he murdered a woman in self defence? Is that different?

I don't understand why we have to constantly make the difference. I've got sons and daughters, grandsons and granddaughters. I'd dig out the patio for any of them if they killed someone in self defence, the sex of the attacker wouldn't make a difference.

[LexMitior]

@daffodilsandprimroses

I can’t believe someone is seriously suggesting 13 reasons why as some sort of documentary.

And I’m not convinced there’s anything to be gained by coming up with more and more revolting scenarios and triumphantly declaring that if we would/wouldn’t report them the argument is somehow lost.

As for the cartoons I did not see the thread but I’m not sure about that.

There is a difference between shagging someone in a dog costume and beastiality.

That last point does not matter because when you have sexual imagery of children, the law criminalises that. You are talking about a perception of something, which is different.

One of the grimmest things I have ever faced in law is dealing with men who use child sex dolls. These are not illegal to import, but of course, the motivation in using them was similar to child abuse.

Don’t have any sympathy with the “just a picture” argument

[goldielockdown2]

Of course I fucking would. Anyone decent would.

[Mintjulia]

It depends on his age and the severity of the incident. And his attitude when challenged.

He's nearly a teenager so fully aware of what is acceptable and what isn't. If it was a clumsy advance between him and a girl of the same age, and he'd stopped when she objected, just chalk it up to experience. Help him to understand how to deal with things better next time.
Any hint of aggression, not stopping when asked or involving a younger child, I'd probably approach the other parents, ask them how they wanted to handle things and try to agree a joint action plan, but my preference would be police & professional help.
If I ever find he's stood by and not reported it when he knew bad things were happening, I'll ground him for a month.

[Mittens030869]

I notice you've ignored comments from those of us who's parents put their disgusting abuser sons before the daughters they abused. How convenient.

I noticed that none of these posters who say they would never report their son for any offence however heinous have answered that question? Is that because they know that they would try and cover it up?

[WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo]

@Mittens030869

*I notice you've ignored comments from those of us who's parents put their disgusting abuser sons before the daughters they abused. How convenient.*

I noticed that none of these posters who say they would never report their son for any offence however heinous have answered that question? Is that because they know that they would try and cover it up?

Probably.

from one survivor to another.

[JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]

@SmeleanorSmellstrop

I wouldn't. I wouldn't hand him in even if he'd committed a triple murder! If I found out about a sexual assault, i'd try to deal with it myself and get him education and help. Just being honest.

What if he committed 20 sexual assaults? Your just let him carry on?

[JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]

To those of you saying you wouldn't ever report your sons - what are you imagining the scenario to be? Do you imagine him crossing boundaries with a drunk passed out woman or do you imagine a Jon Worboys type situation where he's continuously raping hundreds of women? And if it was the latter would you then report him?

[daffodilsandprimroses]

I don’t know what I’d do is the honest answer

I don’t tend to sit around imagining increasingly disgusting things my son could do and wonder if I’d report him

I find it pretty revolting some of you do.

[Changechangychange]

I would report - I’ve been a victim of rape, and honestly couldn’t get past it. It would kill me though - DS is an only, and is the most important thing in my life.

Going to focus on ensuring he understands exactly how I feel, and exactly what is included in the definition of rape (having sexual with a drunk girl isn’t funny, etc), to try to counteract his peer group/societal messages. If he does anything after that, at least I’ll know he’s done it knowingly and I couldn’t have done anything more.

[AlohaMolly]

I don’t think I could ever disown though. I’d like to think I’d report, but then I’d have to support him through the court process. Not condone what he’s done, but I’d sit in court, then visit when in jail. He’s my only child and I think I’d lose my mind in a similar way to if he died, because of the added guilt that maybe I’d helped form a monster.

I think I’d visit as often as possible but live in a fantasy world where it was just us and successfully block out his crimes and firmly see him as my little boy. After justice had been served.

[waterlego]

I find it pretty revolting some of you do.

Well that’s a handy phrase for making you feel like you have regained some moral high ground.

Of course no-one is ‘sitting around’ imagining awful scenarios involving their sons. We are responding to a hypothetical question. I imagine the reason some posters have asked increasingly challenging questions is that they’re curious to see whether you have any sort of limits at which your moral compass might spring into action.

[LexMitior]

It’s an ethical dilemma - there isn’t a good place to draw the line on crime or particularly sexual assault.

In the end, society is supposed to demand justice for these cases. It doesn’t as we know. It’s hard one to face up to, because crimes involving sex or sexual gratification are the only ones where women get blamed. Sometimes their mothers do it, or other women. Men are excused.

I don’t actually expect this to change. It’s why you have domestic violence, domestic abuse, gendered crime against women and girls. You can only make choices to protect girls from this incredibly strong message of “shut up and put up with it”.

[BurgundyBells]

Last post was to @EveryDayIsADuvetDay