Double standards on mn.

[thatwasme22]

This week so far:

1. I have seen various posters defend Caroline Flack for having issues. Maybe she did but then the same argument would not be made on Chris Browne.

1. A thread on the physical attractiveness on male politicians. Imagine a male forum did this on females.

1. A thread with a woman hiding her inheritance from her husband and encouraged to do so by many posters and him being called financially abusive for being sensible over money. When men do this on mn it's all ltb.

Am I missing something? I call myself a feminist so am pro equality and that's how I raised my kids but why is this not being called out on mn?

@LolaSmiles

Pumperthepumper I had noticed that too. That would be an excellent separate thread though: what misandry is, how it negatively affects men throughout their lives and explore steps to rectify it.

Somehow I get the feeling it's not going to happen and will continue to be plopped into threads about women's experiences.

I also saw that thread you're talking about. It seems that there's a range of posters with a range of views, some of which acknowledge that male pattern behaviour is different to female pattern behaviour. IMO it's a bad sign in a relationship if someone jumps to think that their partner might be having women round the second their wife is out, but given that men in groups (on a class level before NAMALT starts) tend to behave differently to women in groups (again class level), it's not surprising that some women would be wary of a group of men wanting to oust them from their house.
FWIW, I don't think anyone should expect to be able to push their partner out their house to prioritise a mates get together.

Yes, I agree.

And I’d also love to know if the What About the Men posters regularly post on say, pistonheads about how they need to be more inclusive to women and consider women’s rights in everything they post. Wouldn’t want a double standard, after all 😂

On that thread, yep that could be it. If you isolate one thread it can always be explained

However my overriding, established (I’ve been here years) and consistently recurring experience is that a man will get the criticism of his behaviour on mumsnet. Whatever way round the scenario plays out

I think it’s a cultural, institutional thing that the mumsnet consensus that people feel comfortable voicing is usually blaming the man, and people who feel the opposite do not feel as comfortable or as willing to post. Hence the site seems to have a view

BillMasen
Fair enough.

I also challenged the jumping straight to sex work ideas. I do think it's sad that male pattern behaviour (as a class) normalises that sort of conduct though. Given how many stag dos seem to end up with strippers and prostitutes, lads weekends away etc, it's not surprising that some women are concerned about that element of male behaviour (again as a class in case other posters jump on this with NAMALT).

I’d engage in a thread on misandry (headline is that I believe it exists, but isn’t anywhere near as damaging as misogyny)

Oh male behaviour can be shit. Toxic masculinity is far more damaging to us (me) than incidents of misandry

@BillMasen

On that thread, yep that could be it. If you isolate one thread it can always be explained

However my overriding, established (I’ve been here years) and consistently recurring experience is that a man will get the criticism of his behaviour on mumsnet. Whatever way round the scenario plays out

I think it’s a cultural, institutional thing that the mumsnet consensus that people feel comfortable voicing is usually blaming the man, and people who feel the opposite do not feel as comfortable or as willing to post. Hence the site seems to have a view

Blaming the man for what though?

I said above, I can see men getting a hard time when they post ‘man here! I’ve never experienced misogyny in the workplace’ because it’s tone deaf and irrelevant. I’ve seen many, many more posters of undeclared sex getting a hard time for posting a reverse or buying a puppy from gumtree.

And as I’ve said, men do come here for advice so it can’t be that hostile to men, or they wouldn’t.

And I’d also love to know if the What About the Men posters regularly post on say, pistonheads about how they need to be more inclusive to women and consider women’s rights in everything they post. Wouldn’t want a double standard, after all
I agree. I also hope they're also regularly on 4chan and the likes reminding men that misogyny isn't OK.

I doubt it though as it's much easier to come on a predominantly female site and tell other women to smile nicely and stop being so mean to the men, because everyone knows women discussing systemic sexism is vastly more aggressive than acts of actual aggression and male pattern violence towards women.

@BillMasen

I’d engage in a thread on misandry (headline is that I believe it exists, but isn’t anywhere near as damaging as misogyny)

I’d love to post on that thread. I don’t believe it exists in any real sense but I’d be willing to change my mind if someone could argue the toss.

Again all fair. I think I’m just attuned to it so I absolutely notice and think “you’d not say that about a man”. I suppose by that I mean the individual poster might, but (ime) wouldn’t. Therefore “mumsnet” wouldn’t say that about a man

@LolaSmiles

And I’d also love to know if the What About the Men posters regularly post on say, pistonheads about how they need to be more inclusive to women and consider women’s rights in everything they post. Wouldn’t want a double standard, after all I agree. I also hope they're also regularly on 4chan and the likes reminding men that misogyny isn't OK.

I doubt it though as it's much easier to come on a predominantly female site and tell other women to smile nicely and stop being so mean to the men, because everyone knows women discussing systemic sexism is vastly more aggressive than acts of actual aggression and male pattern violence towards women.

Absolutely.

@BillMasen

Again all fair. I think I’m just attuned to it so I absolutely notice and think “you’d not say that about a man”. I suppose by that I mean the individual poster might, but (ime) wouldn’t. Therefore “mumsnet” wouldn’t say that about a man

But even if that were true, what difference does it make? Why is it such a big deal if the advice isn’t exactly the same in every circumstance?

I’m on pistonheads. It does happen that misogyny is called out. Honestly, not always robustly or consistently but it does happen. Also on other hobby sites I’m on. More in a “come on mate that’s not on” kind of way.

Would I and have I called it out. Absolutely.

@Pumperthepumper because sometimes I can’t tell if I’m getting the real “this is what I think is best” advice or the “it’s the mans fault whatever” advice. Yeah I know, not a massive issue but if I genuinely want advice I’d not post as me. It’d be too skewed and wouldn’t really reflect what people think is actually the best thing to do.

Ime

[quote BillMasen]@Pumperthepumper because sometimes I can’t tell if I’m getting the real “this is what I think is best” advice or the “it’s the mans fault whatever” advice. Yeah I know, not a massive issue but if I genuinely want advice I’d not post as me. It’d be too skewed and wouldn’t really reflect what people think is actually the best thing to do.

Ime[/quote]
But you wouldn’t know anyway. People have got loads of hang ups - there’s a poster getting an absolute pasting for posting about softplay reopening rules because they said something about a DBS check. Is there any scenario where you’d feel you have to announce your sex?

[quote BillMasen]@Pumperthepumper because sometimes I can’t tell if I’m getting the real “this is what I think is best” advice or the “it’s the mans fault whatever” advice. Yeah I know, not a massive issue but if I genuinely want advice I’d not post as me. It’d be too skewed and wouldn’t really reflect what people think is actually the best thing to do.

Ime[/quote]
And also, arguably, if you think mumsnet is unfair to men, why post here for advice at all?

We must be reading different threads - that OP appears to have far more support than not.

@JaneJeffer

2. A thread on the physical attractiveness on male politicians. Must have been a short thread.

🤣🤣🤣 am sorry I missed this one!

You saw how many women criticised those "he's going to get the sex workers in" comments too. So I dont know how you can say that comment is an example of tone on Mumsnet. Imo that whole thread is actually a great example of how opinions differ based on personal experience. It is also a sad reflection of how many women have been so damaged that they wouldn't even trust their partners alone for the weekend. And, of course, it highlights the poor reading comprehension of some. Drive-by posting sums it up. Any OP with sense knows to ignore those.

No one takes advice from extreme, hyperbolic, catastrophising posters. Believe it or not women aren't stupid. If men take those comments seriously then I don't know what to say.

@BadNomad

You saw how many women criticised those "he's going to get the sex workers in" comments too. So I dont know how you can say that comment is an example of tone on Mumsnet. Imo that whole thread is actually a great example of how opinions differ based on personal experience. It is also a sad reflection of how many women have been so damaged that they wouldn't even trust their partners alone for the weekend. And, of course, it highlights the poor reading comprehension of some. Drive-by posting sums it up. Any OP with sense knows to ignore those.

No one takes advice from extreme, hyperbolic, catastrophising posters. Believe it or not women aren't stupid. If men take those comments seriously then I don't know what to say.

Also did the sex workers poster say if they were female or not? Maybe that was a man!