Double standards on mn.

[thatwasme22]

This week so far:

1. I have seen various posters defend Caroline Flack for having issues. Maybe she did but then the same argument would not be made on Chris Browne.

1. A thread on the physical attractiveness on male politicians. Imagine a male forum did this on females.

1. A thread with a woman hiding her inheritance from her husband and encouraged to do so by many posters and him being called financially abusive for being sensible over money. When men do this on mn it's all ltb.

Am I missing something? I call myself a feminist so am pro equality and that's how I raised my kids but why is this not being called out on mn?

[quote Butwasitherdriveway]@Hannsmum 'get over it she doesn't want you ' as if they'd post that to a woman[/quote]
‘He’s just not that into you’ - a book, and a film, which has become a philosophy in dating. It’s ridiculous to pretend people wouldn’t say that to a woman, you’re not helping yourself.

They might in real life but not on MN.

@LolaSmiles

Entertained and mocking men's feelings. Usual behaviour from you Lola. Nope. Entertained by some posters who feel the need to run crusades defending men from the mean nasty women who don't adequately centre men.

I believe that toxic masculinity is problematic and harmful to men. I think there should be social and cultural shifts to invest in initiatives that address male mental health. I'd be a voice of support on any thread where a poster was advocating for action to support men with their mental health.
All of these I've said on countless threads.

Unfortunately the vast majority of posters who spend their time across numerous threads saying butwhataboutthemen as a way to shut women up never seem to care enough about these issues to start threads to discuss these issues. I don't see them starting threads to discuss how hyper-masculine stereotypes harm men, or how toxic masculinity cultures socialise boys in a way that encourages them to repress their feelings.

It's almost like they're not actually bothered about the topics they claim they are: they just want to tell women to get back in their box and centre men like good little girls.

So true, it’s genuinely eye opening to see how little these people know about issues affecting the very people they’re so worried about.

@Butwasitherdriveway

They might in real life but not on MN.

Garbage.

You must read very selective threads Pumper.

Pumper you are without a doubt the most arrogant poster I have ever, ever come across.

It's not that I don't know anything. It's that I don't want to discuss anuthing with you. I understand that might not register in your world of self importance, but it's the case.

@Butwasitherdriveway

You can genuinely say with a straight face that if a woman posted about missing sex and affection with her husband people would comment and say no wonder he doesn't want to have sex with you?

You're either naive, or being deliberately obtuse.

Ha

That thread still haunts me. Gosh

He got a good kick

@Butwasitherdriveway

They might in real life but not on MN.

You’re going to absolutely love this, here’s an entire thread about an OP complaining how much that phrase is used on mumsnet.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2289853-to-hate-how-often-the-phrase-hes-just-not-that-into-you-is-used-on-here

@Butwasitherdriveway

Pumper you are without a doubt the most arrogant poster I have ever, ever come across.

It's not that I don't know anything. It's that I don't want to discuss anuthing with you. I understand that might not register in your world of self importance, but it's the case.

Nobody is making you reply to me.

You know nothing - about men’s issue, about misandry or about very common dating philosophies.

Right.

In what way , since you love the rules, is that comparable to a marriage? Which is what the thread was about.

'you know nothing' you will know that, knowing me so well

I say nothing because I don't want to discuss anuthing with you because I think you're arrogant, patronising and unpleasant. I can't really make that any clearer.

@Butwasitherdriveway

Right.

In what way , since you love the rules, is that comparable to a marriage? Which is what the thread was about.

What? I don’t know what this means, you said nobody says that phrase to women on mumsnet. That’s absolutely false.

@Butwasitherdriveway

'you know nothing' you will know that, knowing me so well

I say nothing because I don't want to discuss anuthing with you because I think you're arrogant, patronising and unpleasant. I can't really make that any clearer.

It’s because you can’t.

So true, it’s genuinely eye opening to see how little these people know about issues affecting the very people they’re so worried about
I agree with you.
For people who apparently care so much about various issues that affect men, they don't seem to want to talk much about it. They certainly don't seem to want to discuss how systemic sexism and socialisation into narrow stereotypes is harmful to men as well. I suppose it would mean addressing systemic issues instead of arguing women need to be nicer.

They might do, but not in the situation we are talking about.

Dating is very different to marriage. The situation was about marriage. If a woman posted here about her husband not wanting to have sex with her, nobody would say he just doesn't like you get over it.

Or they maybe would, in your world, where women are perfect and men are bad and poor women have to battle every day with all the abuse they get and the men skip through.

I keep getting caught in your goading and regret it every time . You're very good at drawing people in, and actually make good points. But your arrogance and unpleasant posts make me not want to engage. And if you choose to believe that's because I'm thick and wrong, that's absolutely sweet with me.

@LolaSmiles

So true, it’s genuinely eye opening to see how little these people know about issues affecting the very people they’re so worried about I agree with you. For people who apparently care so much about various issues that affect men, they don't seem to want to talk much about it. They certainly don't seem to want to discuss how systemic sexism and socialisation into narrow stereotypes is harmful to men as well. I suppose it would mean addressing systemic issues instead of arguing women need to be nicer.

And I think because it would mean men’s behaviour would have to be blamed for causing harm to other men, and that’s just unacceptable.

You literally remind me of a child who is told no to joining in in something and says 'irs because il beat you, hahaha'. It's really quite embarrassing on your part . Do you usually continue to harangue people who have made it clear they don't want to speak to you?

@LolaSmiles

So true, it’s genuinely eye opening to see how little these people know about issues affecting the very people they’re so worried about I agree with you. For people who apparently care so much about various issues that affect men, they don't seem to want to talk much about it. They certainly don't seem to want to discuss how systemic sexism and socialisation into narrow stereotypes is harmful to men as well. I suppose it would mean addressing systemic issues instead of arguing women need to be nicer.

No, we don't want to debate with arrogant unpleasant posters. If really is that simple.

And I can't even discuss it with you, because pumper with zero boundaries would be in to debate. Hence the no comment routine.

Right I'm off. Enjoy your evening

@Butwasitherdriveway

They might do, but not in the situation we are talking about.

Dating is very different to marriage. The situation was about marriage. If a woman posted here about her husband not wanting to have sex with her, nobody would say he just doesn't like you get over it.

Or they maybe would, in your world, where women are perfect and men are bad and poor women have to battle every day with all the abuse they get and the men skip through.

I keep getting caught in your goading and regret it every time . You're very good at drawing people in, and actually make good points. But your arrogance and unpleasant posts make me not want to engage. And if you choose to believe that's because I'm thick and wrong, that's absolutely sweet with me.

It’s because you can’t. You want to tell people off and wind people up, but you can’t actually articulate any of your own arguments. And you’re on here all the time doing it.

Feel free to google ‘mumnset he’s just not that into you’ for pages and pages of results where people have used that very phrase towards married women. Educate yourself.

@Pumperthepumper

It's so common on MN. They literally wanted to bite the poster's head off ( if they could) because his wife has been refusing him sex and she won't say why

That’s not true though, he got loads of advice. He also got a load of grief because he was withholding affection unless it led to sex, and sulked when he didn’t get it. That’s toxic, unsexy behaviour, regardless of the sex of the poster.

And that man obviously thought mumsnet was a good place to come for advice, so what’s the issue?

I totally understand the man had his faults.he wasn't totally in the right. He could have approached it better

BUT this was a result of being frustrated with his wife's attitude and we are human. Our actions may not be rational at times

if yiu read the post, according to him he had suggested spending time together,spoken to her a few times about it

I would feel the same if my DH was refusing me sex and wasn't communicating WHY. It is part of our marriage.

Let me know what is wrong and we can work through it together. Not witholdb sex from me for so long and then just want to cuddle.thats not fair!

Like i said I was once the WIFE in this situation AND TBH I was doing that because I was resenting my DH.

We are still working through it now because I decided to talk about why I was feeling this way

@Butwasitherdriveway

You literally remind me of a child who is told no to joining in in something and says 'irs because il beat you, hahaha'. It's really quite embarrassing on your part . Do you usually continue to harangue people who have made it clear they don't want to speak to you?

Again: nobody is making you reply.

I don't disagree but the reason it shuts down most of the time is due to the aggression of the other side.
Wait what?
The reason that people who regularly derail discussions into butwhataboutthemen don't start threads discussing the issues they apparently care about is because of women on the 'other side' being aggressive?

So they care enough about issues to hijack other threads to say butwhataboutthemenwhydontyoucareaboutthemenyouresomeannotfocusingonthemen and have zero issue doing this (despite apparently horrible aggression from the 'other side' that would prevent them raising awareness), but they can't possibly raise awareness of these issues as important issues in their own right by starting their own threads to discuss those issues?

Right.

@Hannsmum I agree with all of that, the communication in that relationship is shit.

But I don’t think he got a hard time because he’s a man. If you’d behaved like that and posted about it at the time, you’d have got the same responses. It’s toxic behaviour.

No, we don't want to debate with arrogant unpleasant posters. If really is that simple.
That would be a logical argument, if those posters weren't regularly on threads about sexism and misogyny chipping away with the mean women who are apparently arrogant and unpleasant.
Surely either:
A) The issues affecting men are so important (fwiw i think they are) to you that you, and others, would be desperate to start your own threads to explore the issues
B) The women on the other side are so unpleasant they don't want to talk to them, in which case why regularly show up doing the same old whataboutery NAMALT stuff?

Not wanting threads to explore important issues because of mean women being aggressive doesn't work as a claim if those posters regularly spend time goading women who want to discuss sexism.