Double standards on mn.

[thatwasme22]

This week so far:

1. I have seen various posters defend Caroline Flack for having issues. Maybe she did but then the same argument would not be made on Chris Browne.

1. A thread on the physical attractiveness on male politicians. Imagine a male forum did this on females.

1. A thread with a woman hiding her inheritance from her husband and encouraged to do so by many posters and him being called financially abusive for being sensible over money. When men do this on mn it's all ltb.

Am I missing something? I call myself a feminist so am pro equality and that's how I raised my kids but why is this not being called out on mn?

@TrialOfStyle

I think MN posters can be vile to men AND women. Women certainly aren't let off the hook, and more often than not there will be several posters along to stick the boot in.

I remember a very recent thread where a deadbeat dad hadn't spent more than an hour with his EBF 4 month son alone. He'd recently stayed at OP's house and neglecting the children in favour of video games. He then decided to keep the older children hostage until OP allowed 4 month old to stay overnight. OP had concerns (specifically 4 month old still breastfeeding) but posters couldn't wait to tell her she was no better - and in some ways even worse.

MN has it's good points, and it's one of the few places where women can talk about the abuse, misogyny and foul behaviour they've encountered for men, and it's frustrating that every post seems to be taken over by the NAMALT group. It's also equally vicious to men and women so I don't see the double standards you are referring too.

I disagree. Every post isn't taken by the NAMAlT. We just fire back at the ones who take over every post with wild statements about bad treatment of women, or just implications which when challenged they do the wide eyed bit.

I totally disagree with you, I'm sorry.

@TrialOfStyle

I think MN posters can be vile to men AND women. Women certainly aren't let off the hook, and more often than not there will be several posters along to stick the boot in.

I remember a very recent thread where a deadbeat dad hadn't spent more than an hour with his EBF 4 month son alone. He'd recently stayed at OP's house and neglecting the children in favour of video games. He then decided to keep the older children hostage until OP allowed 4 month old to stay overnight. OP had concerns (specifically 4 month old still breastfeeding) but posters couldn't wait to tell her she was no better - and in some ways even worse.

MN has it's good points, and it's one of the few places where women can talk about the abuse, misogyny and foul behaviour they've encountered for men, and it's frustrating that every post seems to be taken over by the NAMALT group. It's also equally vicious to men and women so I don't see the double standards you are referring too.

Yes, I agree with this. I see posts where men get a hard time when they post ‘man here, I’ve never worked in a misogynistic workplace’ because it’s tone deaf, and unnecessary. But I’ve seen many, many more OPs getting a hard time for posting a reverse or buying a puppy from gumtree. Except on those threads the OP is unlikely to announce their sex, so how would you know?

I don't think you're understanding what people mean when they say misandry doesn't exist. As a word it exists. As a definition it exists. But it isn't anything. It has no impact in the world. It's like saying "I hate carrots." So what? Carrots aren't disadvantaged because some people hate them. They aren't kept down in life. They don't get paid less or treated worse by society. They don't have shocking statistics about being abused and murdered by their partners. Carrots are fine.

So if one, two or twelve hundred people on Mumsnet hate men or a carrots...so what? That's their opinion. THEIR PERSONAL OPINION. It's not every person's opinion and it doesn't change a damn thing. Unlike misogyny. Misogyny is wicked, insidious, damaging. It impacts, controls and inflicts harm on people (women) throughout the world, throughout their whole lives.

Can you see the difference? "Misandry" and "misogyny" are not opposite sides of the same coin, they are not equal in intent, they are not double standards.

You bringing up misandry in threads when women are, yet again, the victims of misogyny at the hands of their "partners" just shows your ignorance.

@BadNomad that's quite thought provoking for me. In terms of carrots then would misogyny be like stopping them being grown or no one buys them? I love being able to understand something like this in a way I can relate to x

I don't often see the term misogyny used here on Mumsnet, but women pointing out when a man is sexually abusive get labeled "manhaters". No, no double standards here. /s

@CaptSkippy

I don't often see the term misogyny used here on Mumsnet, but women pointing out when a man is sexually abusive get labeled "manhaters". No, no double standards here. /s

I don't believe for a second you don't see that word used. It's shoehorned into any and every thread.

@BadNomad

I don't think you're understanding what people mean when they say misandry doesn't exist. As a word it exists. As a definition it exists. But it isn't anything. It has no impact in the world. It's like saying "I hate carrots." So what? Carrots aren't disadvantaged because some people hate them. They aren't kept down in life. They don't get paid less or treated worse by society. They don't have shocking statistics about being abused and murdered by their partners. Carrots are fine.

So if one, two or twelve hundred people on Mumsnet hate men or a carrots...so what? That's their opinion. THEIR PERSONAL OPINION. It's not every person's opinion and it doesn't change a damn thing. Unlike misogyny. Misogyny is wicked, insidious, damaging. It impacts, controls and inflicts harm on people (women) throughout the world, throughout their whole lives.

Can you see the difference? "Misandry" and "misogyny" are not opposite sides of the same coin, they are not equal in intent, they are not double standards.

You bringing up misandry in threads when women are, yet again, the victims of misogyny at the hands of their "partners" just shows your ignorance.

Carrots aren't killing themselves at 86 a week though are they.

[quote orangebay]@BadNomad that's quite thought provoking for me. In terms of carrots then would misogyny be like stopping them being grown or no one buys them? I love being able to understand something like this in a way I can relate to x [/quote]
It's a ridiculous analogy designed yet again to tell is that men don't matter , men's feelings don't matter and women are more important.

Are men killing themselves because of women?

I really don't understand why you think anyone is saying men's feelings dont matter. Feelings about what? They matter, but not because they're men. You're the one making everything men vs women.

@BadNomad

Are men killing themselves because of women?

I really don't understand why you think anyone is saying men's feelings dont matter. Feelings about what? They matter, but not because they're men. You're the one making everything men vs women.

No? Why would you connect that?

No, I'm not the one making the divide. Don't be deceitful. If you have been here for any length of time there are numerous threads a day where men are mocked and ridiculed, as is anyone who attempts to defend them.

Nice to see the 'won't someone think of the men' argument is out in force again.
It happens on almost every, single thread.

Lola, it's a bloody thread about double standards between men and women.

Funny we should mention men.

There are lots of threads running today that don't mention men.

No, I'm not the one making the divide. Don't be deceitful.

Oh come on! Your most common input to these threads is ‘what if this OP had been female?!’ and you can’t even say why it matters.

I haven't objected to mentioning men.
I'm entertained by the fact that the world's tiniest violin is out in force because women are apparently so mean to the poor old men.

Another thread today has a woman in an abusive marriage and yet again there's posters saying "but you married him... what about his mental health... if the sexes were reversed..." Same when women discuss male pattern violence, or sexism, or misogyny, it always comes back to some posters saying but whataboutthepoormen.

@Pumperthepumper

No, I'm not the one making the divide. Don't be deceitful.

Oh come on! Your most common input to these threads is ‘what if this OP had been female?!’ and you can’t even say why it matters.

Oh don't start again pumper.

Oh don't start again pumper.

But you’re just such a hypocrite, it’s actually infuriating. You stop any worthwhile discussion because you can’t even argue your own case. And you’re on so many threads doing exactly what you’re denying you’re doing. What are you hoping for?

@LolaSmiles

I haven't objected to mentioning men. I'm entertained by the fact that the world's tiniest violin is out in force because women are apparently so mean to the poor old men.

Another thread today has a woman in an abusive marriage and yet again there's posters saying "but you married him... what about his mental health... if the sexes were reversed..." Same when women discuss male pattern violence, or sexism, or misogyny, it always comes back to some posters saying but whataboutthepoormen.

Entertained and mocking men's feelings. Usual behaviour from you Lola.

No, it comes to people looking at both sides of the argument and the whole picture.

Did you see the one yesterday where 10 pages after OP said she wasn't leaving her husband and have very sensible measured responses to how she'd overcome the problem posters were losing their shit and telling her to and hammering her? The arrogance of people deciding they know better. These are human beings in real life situations.

@Pumperthepumper

Oh don't start again pumper.

But you’re just such a hypocrite, it’s actually infuriating. You stop any worthwhile discussion because you can’t even argue your own case. And you’re on so many threads doing exactly what you’re denying you’re doing. What are you hoping for?

I don't care what you think.im hoping for you to stop sending me the same posts every day and asking me endless questions, tbh.

I don't care what you think.im hoping for you to stop sending me the same posts every day and asking me endless questions, tbh.

The questions you can’t answer, yet spend days of your life arguing about?

You have no argument for misandry’ existence. None. So why it is so important to you to spend so much time complaining about it on the internet is beyond me.

@marchez

If a woman posts saying her sex life is dead, as her partner no longer wants it, there is loads of advice about whether she should leave, or maybe a "discreet affair" as women have needs.

But if it is a man who posts about it, he is told to sort himself out, that his partner should not have sex she doesnt want etc.

On here, women have sexual needs, men have sexual wants, and if the man isnt getting what he wants he is told to put up with it, but if the woman isnt getting what she needs, she is advised to have an affair

Exactly! There was a thread on this yesterday.

It's so common on MN. They literally wanted to bite the poster's head off ( if they could) because his wife has been refusing him sex and she won't say why

@Pumperthepumper

I don't care what you think.im hoping for you to stop sending me the same posts every day and asking me endless questions, tbh.

The questions you can’t answer, yet spend days of your life arguing about?

You have no argument for misandry’ existence. None. So why it is so important to you to spend so much time complaining about it on the internet is beyond me.

Is it? That's a shame. Here was me hoping you understood it, your approval is really important.

Entertained and mocking men's feelings. Usual behaviour from you Lola.
Nope.
Entertained by some posters who feel the need to run crusades defending men from the mean nasty women who don't adequately centre men.

I believe that toxic masculinity is problematic and harmful to men. I think there should be social and cultural shifts to invest in initiatives that address male mental health. I'd be a voice of support on any thread where a poster was advocating for action to support men with their mental health.
All of these I've said on countless threads.

Unfortunately the vast majority of posters who spend their time across numerous threads saying butwhataboutthemen as a way to shut women up never seem to care enough about these issues to start threads to discuss these issues. I don't see them starting threads to discuss how hyper-masculine stereotypes harm men, or how toxic masculinity cultures socialise boys in a way that encourages them to repress their feelings.

It's almost like they're not actually bothered about the topics they claim they are: they just want to tell women to get back in their box and centre men like good little girls.

@Hannsmum 'get over it she doesn't want you ' as if they'd post that to a woman

It's so common on MN. They literally wanted to bite the poster's head off ( if they could) because his wife has been refusing him sex and she won't say why

That’s not true though, he got loads of advice. He also got a load of grief because he was withholding affection unless it led to sex, and sulked when he didn’t get it. That’s toxic, unsexy behaviour, regardless of the sex of the poster.

And that man obviously thought mumsnet was a good place to come for advice, so what’s the issue?

@LolaSmiles

Entertained and mocking men's feelings. Usual behaviour from you Lola. Nope. Entertained by some posters who feel the need to run crusades defending men from the mean nasty women who don't adequately centre men.

I believe that toxic masculinity is problematic and harmful to men. I think there should be social and cultural shifts to invest in initiatives that address male mental health. I'd be a voice of support on any thread where a poster was advocating for action to support men with their mental health.
All of these I've said on countless threads.

Unfortunately the vast majority of posters who spend their time across numerous threads saying butwhataboutthemen as a way to shut women up never seem to care enough about these issues to start threads to discuss these issues. I don't see them starting threads to discuss how hyper-masculine stereotypes harm men, or how toxic masculinity cultures socialise boys in a way that encourages them to repress their feelings.

It's almost like they're not actually bothered about the topics they claim they are: they just want to tell women to get back in their box and centre men like good little girls.

I don't disagree but the reason it shuts down most of the time is due to the aggression of the other side.