Double standards on mn.

[thatwasme22]

This week so far:

1. I have seen various posters defend Caroline Flack for having issues. Maybe she did but then the same argument would not be made on Chris Browne.

1. A thread on the physical attractiveness on male politicians. Imagine a male forum did this on females.

1. A thread with a woman hiding her inheritance from her husband and encouraged to do so by many posters and him being called financially abusive for being sensible over money. When men do this on mn it's all ltb.

Am I missing something? I call myself a feminist so am pro equality and that's how I raised my kids but why is this not being called out on mn?

I see you.

How's DD, enjoying playing with that boy you forced her to play with even though he annoys her?

You gave yourself away mate, with the feminism and equality thing. You forgot to add the word "misandry" this time.

1. I completely agree with you. I hated that thread for all the apologia in it.

2. A bit of objectification of men might make a few of them realise what it’s like, so don’t really have an issue.M with some turning of tables. It rarely gets as anatomical or demeaning as leering discussion of women does, anyway.

3. I didn’t see that one, so can’t comment.

One issue I have politely debated with MNHQ from time to time is the thread titles like “AIBU to smack DH in the face for living the bins out? (Lighthearted)”. I don’t think comedy DV references are really on regardless of who they are aimed at. Suffice to say MNHQ disagree with me. 🤷🏻‍♀️ 🙂

t was literally the same people saying no oral, no relationship, who will not give oral sex. How can you not see the double standard.

It's not the same thing so you can't draw a parallel

Was it? I think we needs links to see who those posters were

Unfortunately the thread started by the husband was deleted ( probably due to all the women accusing him of abuse) but I'm sure you could find the other one easily

The trouble is that MN is not one single homogeneous mindset. It has several million users, and different people respond to different threads.

@RickiTarr

1) I completely agree with you. I hated that thread for all the apologia in it.

2. A bit of objectification of men might make a few of them realise what it’s like, so don’t really have an issue.M with some turning of tables. It rarely gets as anatomical or demeaning as leering discussion of women does, anyway.

3. I didn’t see that one, so can’t comment.

One issue I have politely debated with MNHQ from time to time is the thread titles like “AIBU to smack DH in the face for living the bins out? (Lighthearted)”. I don’t think comedy DV references are really on regardless of who they are aimed at. Suffice to say MNHQ disagree with me. 🤷🏻‍♀️ 🙂

The Caroline flack thread wasn’t a discussion about male- and female perpetrators of abuse though. It was how quick we are to forgive men who have abused, Chris Brown being an absolute textbook example of that. Caroline Flack got a hard time because she was a woman, she wasn’t let off.

Agree there are some major double standards on here.

There was one thread, the woman was a sahm and husband was the main earner and he wasn’t happy that she wasn’t doing much around the house (e.g cleaning) everyone called him an abusive husband and she needs to ltb because she is working by looking after the kids

2 days later another thread where the woman resented being the earner as her husband had lost his job and he was being a sahd to save money on child care, same issue she wasn’t happy he wasnt doing his share and everyone was calling him a cocklodger and she needs to make him do housework, and everything else that goes with being at home as she works.

I saw a poster who had commented on BOTH threads with completely opposite comments.

@HeyDemonsItsYaGirl

Am I missing something?

Yes. The power balance between men and women is completely different. I struggle to see how you can be a feminist if you don't understand the issues women face...

Yes this.

If you don’t understand the huge difference between say objectifying a man and objectifying a woman then you’ve got some work to do!

Objectification is a bit rank in any form but the simple fact is, men are NOT at sexual risk from women. So it does not carry the same weight - it is not the same thing.

Your opinions and thoughts aren’t necessarily wrong - just not critical in their nature. Youre not wrong saying people shouldn’t objectify or abuse anyone else full stop. But implying men and women are the same in these contexts is an immature thought process sorry

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

1. Did you see what Chris Brown did to Rihanna? I won't post a picture because it's very triggering. He also used this incident as material for songs and is far more famous than Caroline Flack ever was.

1. Lol you think there's no threads ever anywhere objectifying women? It doesn't happen here because the vast majority of posters are women - pop on Reddit if you want to see misogyny in action.

1. Women are disproportionately disadvantaged should a marriage break up. Due to being paid less, more likely to be part time and also highly likely to leave a marriage being the RP and no guarantee of child support due to the shitty CMS. It's not double standards, it's different because it's highly unlikely men need getaway money to ride them over

I'm a feminist, and it isn't about 'equality', it's about fighting to remove the oppression and hardships women face. Nowt to do with men. They can fight their own battles (heaven k own they don't fight ours)

1. Caroline left her partner needing stitches. And just because there are no pictures of her victims injuries doesnt mean they were not as bad as Chris Brown's victim. Also a 2nd bf of Caroline's came out to accuse her of domestic violence. I've only heard of 1 gf accusing Chris Brown.

1. Of course there are many threads of men objectifying women. The point is there would be up roar when they are exposed.

1. When a man earns more money and doesn't equally share it he is vilified on MN. When a women earns more money and does equally share it, her partner is called a cock lodger and she is advised to LTB. I've seen this time and time again on MN.

MN is full of double standards.

Your problem is assuming that all the posters on the site will automatically uphold the same views and that you will agree with them. So YABU to find that a "double standard". If you find a single poster expressing cognitive dissonance maybe address that

Objectification is a bit rank in any form but the simple fact is, men are NOT at sexual risk from women. So it does not carry the same weight - it is not the same thing

Aww ok, so that makes it alright then! Great.

OP that thread about inheritance. You have misrepresented that. The husband wasn't just tight. He was worse than that.

That's the problem with these threads. They hold up two situations with look similar but are completely different.

@Pumperthepumper

No, its not unusual whatsoever. Some of us have been regular posters on various different boards for years. It's easy to spot the same people posting on different threads, especially if they never name change

@BlackberrySky

The trouble is that MN is not one single homogeneous mindset. It has several million users, and different people respond to different threads.

This it true, however it can seem that posters with strong views on one thread are silent on others where the situation is the other way round. It can feel like posters saying “it’s the mans fault” dominate a thread, then different “man at fault” posters dominate others.

I know there’s no MN hive mind

There is a “feel” and “culture” of a site that allows and encourages views though

MN is full of double standards. In real life, if we are honest, we all are, sometimes.

Not sure that helps, but it is true! We're human, not some weird bot that keeps close tally on how we react to similar happenings.

@Poptart4

1. Chris Brown has plenty of restraining orders against him for violence against previous partners. What a weird way to defend an abuser.

2. why?

3. link?

To be honest, I think YABU. I call myself a feminist (my wife and daughters do their best to keep me honest) and I understand what you're saying - but acknowledging the reality of the inequality that exists between men & women is not the same as double standards. As long as so many cards remain stacked against women, some things will always be more acceptable one way than the other.

@Oswin

That's the problem with these threads. They hold up two situations with look similar but are completely different.

Well, that and the deliberate obfuscation. I am still pissed offf that OP chose to misrpresent my views and hasn't had the decency to admit it, or apologise for having done so!

@JaneJeffer

2. A thread on the physical attractiveness on male politicians. Must have been a short thread.

[quote CarolVordermansBum]@Pumperthepumper

No, its not unusual whatsoever. Some of us have been regular posters on various different boards for years. It's easy to spot the same people posting on different threads, especially if they never name change[/quote]
The same posters with the same names wrote on two different threads about the same thing from opposite sides and changed their mind based on the author? That’s what’s unusual.

Would you say you treat everyone the same in all aspects of life @CarolVordermansBum

On the DV front I’ve seen posters specifically say it doesn’t exist against men. Actually say it’s fine. There are apologists for it on almost every thread where it’s mentioned and it’s not always called out

MN should collectively call out things like that but I find it a bit too, accepting...

The same posters with the same names wrote on two different threads about the same thing from opposite sides and changed their mind based on the author? That’s what’s unusual

Precisely. I wont be the only one to have seen it.

@CarolVordermansBum

*The same posters with the same names wrote on two different threads about the same thing from opposite sides and changed their mind based on the author? That’s what’s unusual*

Precisely. I wont be the only one to have seen it.

You’re the only one who’s mentioned it so far. Do you treat everyone exactly the same in all circumstances, would you say?

@Covetthee

Agree there are some major double standards on here.

There was one thread, the woman was a sahm and husband was the main earner and he wasn’t happy that she wasn’t doing much around the house (e.g cleaning) everyone called him an abusive husband and she needs to ltb because she is working by looking after the kids

2 days later another thread where the woman resented being the earner as her husband had lost his job and he was being a sahd to save money on child care, same issue she wasn’t happy he wasnt doing his share and everyone was calling him a cocklodger and she needs to make him do housework, and everything else that goes with being at home as she works.

I saw a poster who had commented on BOTH threads with completely opposite comments.

Then that one poster was upholding double standards. Not women, not mumsnet. Just that poster.