Double standards on mn.

[thatwasme22]

This week so far:

1. I have seen various posters defend Caroline Flack for having issues. Maybe she did but then the same argument would not be made on Chris Browne.

1. A thread on the physical attractiveness on male politicians. Imagine a male forum did this on females.

1. A thread with a woman hiding her inheritance from her husband and encouraged to do so by many posters and him being called financially abusive for being sensible over money. When men do this on mn it's all ltb.

Am I missing something? I call myself a feminist so am pro equality and that's how I raised my kids but why is this not being called out on mn?

Pumper, you do this a lot. Question me and only me on things that aren't relevant and then say 'strange you don't want to talk about it'. It's odd behaviour and I keep saying that.

It's not about it being the sex of the person. Its about the fact that MN in general responds starkly different to men than to women. And if you are really pretending you couldn't possibly ever see that, you are being disingenous.

Women do post about it, the advice is usually overwhelmingly to leave and find someone who will meet their needs. That thread is depressing, and of course the responses are different as it's a bloke.

That’s the advice on that man’s thread too, although he’s getting a few comments about his behaviour. I don’t think any man would want to be guilt-tripped into sex when affection is withheld, and I suspect if that OP had been female the replies would have picked up on that too.

Obviously I can’t say for sure because I’m not psychic, and also I don’t see what difference it makes anyway.

@Sansaplans and then get really angry when OP doesn't - as seen on the thread about the drunk husband.

@Butwasitherdriveway

Pumper, you do this a lot. Question me and only me on things that aren't relevant and then say 'strange you don't want to talk about it'. It's odd behaviour and I keep saying that.

It's not about it being the sex of the person. Its about the fact that MN in general responds starkly different to men than to women. And if you are really pretending you couldn't possibly ever see that, you are being disingenous.

I don’t see that, no. I can see men get different advice to women often - but I don’t see how anyone could know the sex of the OP from a thread unless the OP says. And if the OP does say their sex, it’s often because it’s relevant and yes, the replies could well be different in that case - sex after childbirth, for example.

But putting that to one side for a second, why do you think MN in general responds differently to men? What’s your theory?

In an ideal world, I agree with you. But your words are not representative of MN.

I think there are a number of posters who for whatever reason, will always passionately defend women, will mock men and criticise them and will take on anyone who sticks up for them

And I think that particular group does damage on this site. IME.

@Butwasitherdriveway

In an ideal world, I agree with you. But your words are not representative of MN.

I think there are a number of posters who for whatever reason, will always passionately defend women, will mock men and criticise them and will take on anyone who sticks up for them

And I think that particular group does damage on this site. IME.

What damage do you think it does?

Well, on a wider scale, it promotes and glorifies misandry' and makes people think it's OK to talk like that.

On a smaller scale, its not helpful for the OP one bit.

Look at the thread today about the woman with the drunk husband. She got many replies if just leave him , she gave very well balanced and thought out responses as to why she doesn't want to, and got dogs abuse.

Because the women are good and men are bad narrative is strong, and it's damaging.

@Butwasitherdriveway

Well, on a wider scale, it promotes and glorifies misandry' and makes people think it's OK to talk like that.

On a smaller scale, its not helpful for the OP one bit.

Look at the thread today about the woman with the drunk husband. She got many replies if just leave him , she gave very well balanced and thought out responses as to why she doesn't want to, and got dogs abuse.

Because the women are good and men are bad narrative is strong, and it's damaging.

Have you got a link?

I’d say it’s less helpful to men who post to have their thread derailed by ‘what if this OP had been female?’ type posts if he’s come for advice than to listen to reasons he may be in the wrong.

Misandry is a word that’s bandied about a lot on here - what effect do you see misandry having on the site?

Im sure he can cope with comments about that in amongst the 30 odd saying the most hideous things to him.

You've asked me the same question twice , I've just explained.

What do you think Pumper? Do you genuinely think there is no issue with the way men are treated on MN?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4210060-dp-didn-t-come-home-aibu-to-be-pissed-off

Interestingly, misandry (bandied about 🙄) is regularly met with posts that it doesn't exist.

Misogyny is the one we see on every post, with no real understanding of what that means.

Incidentally the thread we were talking about has just had a post saying 'Christ, men go on' and 'she doesn't want you accept it'. Will either of those comments be challenged and/or would we say that to a woman?

While I don't often agree with you pumper I have seen you in action challenging offensive or upsetting posts (me on occasion). So why are you so against me doing so ?

@Butwasitherdriveway

Im sure he can cope with comments about that in amongst the 30 odd saying the most hideous things to him.

You've asked me the same question twice , I've just explained.

What do you think Pumper? Do you genuinely think there is no issue with the way men are treated on MN?

No I haven’t, you said these comments lead to misandry and I’m asking what misandry leads to.

No, I don’t think there’s an issue with the way men are treated. Again: because in most cases we don’t know the sex of the OP, and when we do know the sex it’s often because it’s relevant.

So the man who posted the relationships thread obviously felt mumsnet was a place he could get advice. And he got it - he also got a hard time because of certain aspects of his behaviour. I don’t think that’s because he’s a man, I think it’s because his behaviour is horrible, as it would be if he was a woman.

So what does misandry lead to?

@Butwasitherdriveway

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4210060-dp-didn-t-come-home-aibu-to-be-pissed-off

Interestingly, misandry (bandied about 🙄) is regularly met with posts that it doesn't exist.

Misogyny is the one we see on every post, with no real understanding of what that means.

Incidentally the thread we were talking about has just had a post saying 'Christ, men go on' and 'she doesn't want you accept it'. Will either of those comments be challenged and/or would we say that to a woman?

While I don't often agree with you pumper I have seen you in action challenging offensive or upsetting posts (me on occasion). So why are you so against me doing so ?

Thanks, I’ll have a read.

Yes, misandry doesn’t exist in any real sense. It doesn’t have a wide-reaching effect on society (like misogyny), it doesn’t change the way men generally are treated (men haters are ridiculed rather than tolerated) and it doesn’t have anything like the same consequence for men like say, toxic masculinity.

‘Christ women go on’ - yes, I can believe that could be said if we were reversing the sexes. ‘He doesn’t want you, accept it’ - yes, I can believe that too. Remember ‘he’s just not that into you’? A book and a film, I think.

I’m not against you challenging posters about it if you think they’re being unfair. I do find it tiresome that you have to comment ‘what if the OP was female’ regardless of whether or not it makes any difference. As I said, it’s derailing. And it’s pointless, the OP’s sex isn’t changing!

Pumper, I'm sorry, that entire post is just absolute nonsense. Absolute nonsensical, wrong, rubbish.

@Butwasitherdriveway

Pumper, I'm sorry, that entire post is just absolute nonsense. Absolute nonsensical, wrong, rubbish.

Which one? The misandry one? Feel free to tell me ways misandry impacts on society in any meaningful way, if you can think of any.

Another double standard at play at the moment.

One thread is kicking male OP for speaking to dws father about their problems. Misognystic, sexist, bla bla bla.

Another thread is applauding and swapping stories on times they called OHs mother when he was a dick to 'come and collect him' and encouraging others to do the same.

I could be here all day

Pumper, there's no point us discussing it because you are part of the problem,I'm afraid.

We are where we are, and it won't change. Those of us who don't like the toxicity will just eventually find a different site and life will go on

The whole post pumper. Every word.

@Butwasitherdriveway

Another double standard at play at the moment.

One thread is kicking male OP for speaking to dws father about their problems. Misognystic, sexist, bla bla bla.

Another thread is applauding and swapping stories on times they called OHs mother when he was a dick to 'come and collect him' and encouraging others to do the same.

I could be here all day

Pumper, there's no point us discussing it because you are part of the problem,I'm afraid.

We are where we are, and it won't change. Those of us who don't like the toxicity will just eventually find a different site and life will go on

Is that the same poster who said those things on both threads?

@Butwasitherdriveway

The whole post pumper. Every word.

Effects of misandry on society? Any at all?

No. I've made it clear where I'm at Pumper. Il await the 'oh so you don't want to discuss it , how strange' and no, I don't want to. There is no point.

@Butwasitherdriveway

No. I've made it clear where I'm at Pumper. Il await the 'oh so you don't want to discuss it , how strange' and no, I don't want to. There is no point.

I don’t think you don’t want to, I think you can’t. Because there aren’t any wide-reaching effects of misandry in society.

No, I never at any point wanted a conversation with you Pumper.

I think I've made that very clear now.

@Butwasitherdriveway

No, I never at any point wanted a conversation with you Pumper.

I think I've made that very clear now.

Why reply to my post then? Why keep replying?

Enjoy your day.

I think MN posters can be vile to men AND women. Women certainly aren't let off the hook, and more often than not there will be several posters along to stick the boot in.

I remember a very recent thread where a deadbeat dad hadn't spent more than an hour with his EBF 4 month son alone. He'd recently stayed at OP's house and neglecting the children in favour of video games. He then decided to keep the older children hostage until OP allowed 4 month old to stay overnight. OP had concerns (specifically 4 month old still breastfeeding) but posters couldn't wait to tell her she was no better - and in some ways even worse.

MN has it's good points, and it's one of the few places where women can talk about the abuse, misogyny and foul behaviour they've encountered for men, and it's frustrating that every post seems to be taken over by the NAMALT group. It's also equally vicious to men and women so I don't see the double standards you are referring too.