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Not a stealth brag... Tips on raising an exceptionally beautiful child.
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Trytrytryasimight · 29/03/2021 07:54

I know. I'm cringing at the thread title too.

I'm absolutely average, so is her dad. She happens to have an aunt who is an outlier in their family that looks like Claudia schiffer, and seems to have inherited all of her looks from her.

She's all rosy cheeks enormous green eyes and a mass of curly blond hair that never seems disheveled. She chooses her own clothes, keeps them nicely and puts them together so she looks fabulous every time. She is that child and this is through no effort of my own - I was more of an awkward indie kid through my tweens and teens. I can see other girls want to be her friend cause she's fun and kind but then look decidedly jeolous and irritated at dds clothes, hair, general oh wow look I'm so perfect and yet so pretty unspoken general vibe.
She's 12 and we've noticed teachers, club leaders, family members do seem to give her some kind of preferential treatment and I think it's becuase she is very compliant to adults and also very pretty she is.she is also genuinely good hearted and we've never had any reason to think she is unkind to others.
I want to guide her as best I can, as having an opposite experience of my looks growing up and generally being fairly invisible, I don't really know what you to help someone not place too much worth in their looks while acknowledging it's a lovely thing to be beautiful. Any advice on how to raise a particularly good looking child??

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

CloudFormations · 29/03/2021 07:57

🤣 ‘not a stealth brag, but tell me how to raise my unbelievably beautiful, kind and compliant child’

Sorry OP, but that did make me laugh!

Do you need to do anything in particular? As long as you raise her to be kind and considerate (which from your description it sounds like she is), and not to value herself more highly than others because she’s beautiful, what more is there to it? It sounds like she’s a nice kid so you’re doing a good job so far - I wouldn’t worry too much about it.

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Beamur · 29/03/2021 07:58

Don't treat her as if she is?
No harm in acknowledging it (I tell my DD she's beautiful, often) but make sure it's not just about that. It sounds like she is an overall lovely package.
She is what she is.
You sound very proud of her.
I'm not sure I see what the problem is?

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activitythree · 29/03/2021 07:59

The teachers, club leaders and family members are the problem here.

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HasaDigaEebowai · 29/03/2021 07:59

Hmm. Come on OP. Clearly she doesn't need any help, she's perfect.

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Franticbutterfly · 29/03/2021 08:00

All parents tell their children they are beautiful/clever/kind/funny. Over and above that I wouldn't draw attention to it for fear that she may be undeserving of good treatment.

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StormBaby · 29/03/2021 08:03

I had exactly this with my daughter; she was a mass of beautiful long blonde ringlets, massive green eyes, willowy and graceful. Never mean or rude to anyone...she’s now a 17 year old goth, 6ft tall with a shaved black and blue undercut and covered in piercings. You just have to let them get on with it. 🤣

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justanotherneighinparadise · 29/03/2021 08:03

I don’t know. I can understand OP being concerned 🤷‍♀️ If she is as stunning as you describe she may end up getting a lot of unwanted attention from men and potentially some negative attention from women. I would probably be a little worried too.

Why don’t you talk to the aunt (your sister?) and ask how she coped when she was young. Get some ideas and possible pitfalls.

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GalesThisMorning · 29/03/2021 08:03

I mean.... we're all raising exceptionally beautiful children, right? Not a day goes by that I don't cover my little one in kisses and tell him he's gorgeous.

What exactly are you worried about? Just raise her to be kind and respectful and know right from wrong same as we're all doing!

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Anyscrapiron · 29/03/2021 08:04

Don't do anything.

Talk about her achievements, where she wants to go in life, let her just do her

You don't need to draw any attention to her appearance at all.

And shes 12, teenage girl years are right around the corner. You'll likely find she'll turn into some untidy, uncompliant young lady with many ideas of her own. I wouldnt get too worried/comfortable with the notion your daughter is just this perfect beautiful person.

Also the teenage years may bring on a huge change in appearance.. ache, greasy hair, body growing at different rates, anything- c'mon op, weve all been through the teenage years.

How would your daughter feel knowing she was once this absolute model child and at 14 she's no longer what you told her she was?

You do nothing.

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SarahBellam · 29/03/2021 08:04

LOL

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errorofjudgement · 29/03/2021 08:06

And please don’t take this the wrong way, but your DD and her friends are heading towards puberty, with acne, greasy hair, growth spurts, weight gains etc.
The gawky child with crooked teeth often grows into their features, has teeth braces and emerges at 18 as beautiful.
Equally the child with appealing features grows up to be moderately attractive.
Both are equally beautiful to their parents though.

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Palavah · 29/03/2021 08:07

Focus on modelling resilience, self-esteem and kindness, and helping her to learn those.

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MazekeenSmith · 29/03/2021 08:10

Don't talk to her about her looks.
It's a fact that people do treat beautiful people better in life. Attractiveness is a positive resilience factor. She's blessed in some ways but she'll need to develop a radar for users.

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BilboBercow · 29/03/2021 08:11

You never know op, she might grow into a very plain adult

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PicsInRed · 29/03/2021 08:11

Pretty + compliance can result in a greater volume of male predators - including whist she is very young (now) - and also workplace bullying could be an issue for her, so you'll want her prepared to handle that.

There will be plenty of those who "neg" her to bring her down a peg or two, don't do that. Make sure her family is a very safe and un-envious, inawkward space for her. You don't want to build narcissism in her, but you do want to ferment confidence and self esteem.

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JackieWeaverFever · 29/03/2021 08:12

You'll get a lot of shit on this thread but you are without scaring you I think you are very right to be concerned.

I'm in a rush but here you go I hope it helps....

She is a child and will be vulnerable to men and teenage boys soon if not already.
Especially if she is kind and compliant.

You need to teach her a lot. Now.
about bodily autonomy...
About situational awareness. help her start identifying safe and how to handle herself in unsafe situations
Teach her the "excuse me exactly what do you think you are doing? I'm 13/1!!!" (Said in outdoor voice when creepy man trying to rub against her on the tube etc)
and work on scenarios around how to make good choices and how to identify people motives
My parents also operated a no questions asked pick up policy which was amazing as an idiot teenager. They made it clear if I was any where I was wasn't happy or just wanted out I could call them and they wpuld come no questions asked / no punishment etc any time of day or night.

I would consider self defence classes too.

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AmazingBouncingFerret · 29/03/2021 08:12

I know it wasn’t your intention but this thread has brightened up my morning! Grin

OP, you don’t need to parent any differently, just carry on loving and encouraging.

However if this is maybe a clumsy way of showing your fear of her ‘growing up’ and garnering unwanted attention then I understand your fears, my daughter is about the same age as yours and it makes me simultaneously scared and angry to think that she is going to be subjected to catcalls and sexual harassment and how to teach her to handle such things.

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Lostsunshiner · 29/03/2021 08:13

You say you see others treat her well because of her exceptional beauty but then say she is kind and easy going and good natured.
How do you know for sure they aren’t treating her well because of those things? What makes you so sure it is her physical characteristics? That implies it is you who is shallow not them.

I think you sound strangely in awe of her looks and that’s a bit worrying. Physical beauty changes with age and with society’s current sense of what makes someone beautiful. You need to see past it yourself else you risk your DD focusing on it too much.

Taking care of your clothes or enjoying style isn’t a part of physical beauty? Even in that way you are assuming her looks will come with a package of perfection and I think that’s really worrying OP.

Look at yourself and why this is such a focus for you. If you view all her behaviour and that of others through the lens of her physical shape then you will set both of you up for a hard time.

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Littlefluffyclouds13 · 29/03/2021 08:13

@errorofjudgement

And please don’t take this the wrong way, but your DD and her friends are heading towards puberty, with acne, greasy hair, growth spurts, weight gains etc.
The gawky child with crooked teeth often grows into their features, has teeth braces and emerges at 18 as beautiful.
Equally the child with appealing features grows up to be moderately attractive.
Both are equally beautiful to their parents though.

Absolutely spot on!
I work in a primary school very near to where I live, so I'm local to all of my old pupils.
I'm always amazed to see what happens to the more ungainly, shall we say average or odd looking children and the ones who were stunning when they were young!

Some really do blossom as they grow up!
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OnwardsAndSideways1 · 29/03/2021 08:14

Stop going on about it!

You are just as enthralled by her beauty as everyone else, so you can't blame anyone else for noticing it.

It's lovely to have lovely children, but as many others have said, this can change over time, as they grow and develop, and as they choose different ways of presenting to the world.

More practically talk to her as you would to any young female about being street smart and how to stay safe, I live in a city and my girls have already been shouted at on the streets- so we talk about not wearing headphones all the time (e.g if walking alone after dark), never waiting to find out if someone is dodgy, just running away, trusting your instincts, veering away from trouble (e.g. if someone looks like they are dealing drugs) and not being afraid to be unfeminine and be rude/move away/shout no/get away from me if it comes to that.

I don't think any of the advice I would give would be different for a complete stunner or for average looking, everyone has to navigate their own way and you can't do that for a child, steering them through adolescence is about them finding their way, not you teaching them that.

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JackieWeaverFever · 29/03/2021 08:15

*13/14
Apols for awful typos

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LemonRoses · 29/03/2021 08:16

Aren’t all children beautiful? They just need the underpinning confidence to show their beauty to the world. Nothing more beautiful than a strong, charismatic and warm young person.
Beauty and prettiness are not synonymous.

Getting a girl to a position where they think blonde highlights are more important than academic success is doing them a great disservice.

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EarringsandLipstick · 29/03/2021 08:17

@JackieWeaverFever

You'll get a lot of shit on this thread but you are without scaring you I think you are very right to be concerned.

I'm in a rush but here you go I hope it helps....

She is a child and will be vulnerable to men and teenage boys soon if not already.
Especially if she is kind and compliant.

You need to teach her a lot. Now.
about bodily autonomy...
About situational awareness. help her start identifying safe and how to handle herself in unsafe situations
Teach her the "excuse me exactly what do you think you are doing? I'm 13/1!!!" (Said in outdoor voice when creepy man trying to rub against her on the tube etc)
and work on scenarios around how to make good choices and how to identify people motives
My parents also operated a no questions asked pick up policy which was amazing as an idiot teenager. They made it clear if I was any where I was wasn't happy or just wanted out I could call them and they wpuld come no questions asked / no punishment etc any time of day or night.

I would consider self defence classes too.

There aren't enough 🙄 in the world for this post.
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VienneseWhirligig · 29/03/2021 08:17

I mean this kindly, but whether your kid looks like Claudia Schiffer or Plug from the Bash Street Kids, you raise them the same, to be kind, compassionate and curious. I would be more worried about her being compliant than beautiful, that could get her into more trouble. Teach her not to just accept the status quo. But above all, don't treat her any differently to anyone else because of her looks, she will get that all her life if she is that beautiful, she doesn't need it at home too.

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HasaDigaEebowai · 29/03/2021 08:18

If she's 12 she already knows she's pretty and she already knows the benefits that brings. It's a massive benefit in life whether we like it or not but you seem more focussed on it than she is from your OP.

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