Not a stealth brag... Tips on raising an exceptionally beautiful child.

[Trytrytryasimight]

I know. I'm cringing at the thread title too.

I'm absolutely average, so is her dad. She happens to have an aunt who is an outlier in their family that looks like Claudia schiffer, and seems to have inherited all of her looks from her.

She's all rosy cheeks enormous green eyes and a mass of curly blond hair that never seems disheveled. She chooses her own clothes, keeps them nicely and puts them together so she looks fabulous every time. She is that child and this is through no effort of my own - I was more of an awkward indie kid through my tweens and teens. I can see other girls want to be her friend cause she's fun and kind but then look decidedly jeolous and irritated at dds clothes, hair, general oh wow look I'm so perfect and yet so pretty unspoken general vibe.
She's 12 and we've noticed teachers, club leaders, family members do seem to give her some kind of preferential treatment and I think it's becuase she is very compliant to adults and also very pretty she is.she is also genuinely good hearted and we've never had any reason to think she is unkind to others.
I want to guide her as best I can, as having an opposite experience of my looks growing up and generally being fairly invisible, I don't really know what you to help someone not place too much worth in their looks while acknowledging it's a lovely thing to be beautiful. Any advice on how to raise a particularly good looking child??

Just re-read your post, “compliant”? Does she ever speak her mind? That word made me shiver.

This thread is revolting
Your friend was not raped because she looked like Megan Fox
She was raped because she met a rapist
Vile Victim blaming
And oh I'm soooo glad my kids are pain little fuckers means they'll be safe from those nasty men's....oh wait a minute
Fucking hell

I felt the same - it’s good to be laid back but being too compliant isn’t always a good thing.

Had the same thing with my daughter, she was a mass of beautiful short, dark hair, beautiful brown eyes, graceful yet sturdy. She's now an 18 year old with long blonde ringlets, balayaged to death and blue-green contact lens because she's bought that's what's beautiful. You just have to let them get on with it. Hope she outgrows the identikit look soon.

No, that didn't happen. Just making a point. All the "gorgeous blonde hair", "gorgeous blue/green eyes" posters I see everytime are part of the problem. Blonde hair is blonde hair, blue or green eyes are just what they are. All hair/eye colour is equally gorgeous or ugly.

@activitythree

Interesting the amount of women on this thread raising the issue of predatory men as if they only go for 'attractive' children.

What a load of fucking bollocks.

She have to deal with more of them, that's just how it is. It isn't an indictment on other children, I mean who would want to be more frequently harassed, especially as a young girl/woman? That's not a gift.

Life isn't a Hollywood film where beauty makes for an unblemished and magical life - in fact without a singularly supportive family (no jealousy or resentments) and rock solid self esteem, she'll regularly encounter people who resent her - some women out of misguided envy and some men trying unsuccessfully to presssure her into a sexual relationship. This can create danger - professional danger at work and physical danger from men.

Beauty opens plenty of doors, but what's behind those doors isn't always pleasant.

Is her name Rapunzel? You could try locking her in a high tower. If you use this tactic make sure she has her hair cut regularly.

@pandarific

I do see your points.

I haven't time to write further now (work calls) but what I fundamentally disagree with is the narrative of 'you are female, prepare for pervy predatory men'.

However what I don't disagree with (& in fairness to Jackie may have been the point she was making) is preparing my DC to be confident, assertive, understanding when they are uncomfortable and how to address that.

I just don't agree that should be done with the narrative of 'watch out for men' (putting it very simplistically there)

This thread is a joke right? 😳

It has been studied that beautiful people get preferential treatment. I think it is important to teach your daughter to be humble, hardworking and praise her other attributes so she won't be reliant on her looks.

When I worked as a therapist the opening comment was always - ‘tell me about yourself’. It’s interesting as it gives a bit of an insight into how someone sees themselves.

Do you really want the child’s first thing is ‘I’m so beautiful...’ rather than I’m funny, kind, smart, love sport, writing, art?

I have met some sad adults who have found that they wake up one day with wrinkles, or grey hair, stretch marks... and feel their self worth taking a hit.

Good posts from @JackieWeaverFever

A young girl, beautiful, pre pubescent and compliant towards adults, what an odd choice of words. Maybe my line of work makes me cynical but they don't sound like the words of a mother.
Perhaps fantasies of a hairy handed OP...

No real advice because I don’t have kids, beautiful or otherwise. I would be a bit worried though that she will learn to use her looks for benefits she may not otherwise get.

I think the word that worried me the most here was 'compliant.
I think it's a fact of life that beautiful people get treated differently whether positively or negatively.
Nurture confidence and resilience, easier said than done.
Go through scenarios, like dealing with a difference of opinion, teach her, and make her say statements out loud like " I have listened to what you are saying but I disagree on such and such. Teach her to say " No, I don't want that".
This needs rehearsing. It's teaching assertiveness which is invaluable in the face of a compliant personality.
Society incalcates that beauty is synonymous with gentleness, kindness and compliance. You need to teach her that HER beliefs and values are important and valuable ( assuming they are, of course!). This will help deflect from the emphasis of physical beauty and nurture a confidence that it is the essence of a person that trumps their outside appearance.
Forget 'compliance'. Start to nourish inner confidence, that is as magnetic and beautiful, if not more than physical beauty.
FWIW, I think it is a good question and one that needs some scrutiny and forethought.

I know my daughters are much more attractive than either of their parents. Maybe, just maybe they hand out rose colored glasses during childbirth. My grandsons are also beautiful human beings.

Taking this at face value, you treat them no differently to a child of any description. They all need to have their personalities developed above all else. They all need to know how to navigate a tricky and sometimes confusing world. How to deal with a handful of obnoxious men who might try to take advantage. Do you think it's only attractive women who get unwanted male attention? Well that's patently not true for a start.

Will watch this thread with interest, while it lasts.

I think people are missing the point - it’s all very well saying ‘you do nothing’, but that kind of already assumes that op is raising her dd to not think about/value her looks above all else. It doesn’t sound like the op does (sorry op) but it’s worth saying.

There’s still a lot of sexism and gendered nonsense about in how people raise boys vs girls and I think it’s worthwhile to draw attention to so op can consciously review their parenting from that lens. Personally, I’m pregnant with a daughter and I will not be raising her to hear the things that were said to me by my mum and grandmother - endless talk about clothes, ‘attractiveness’, who got fat, who’s looking old (ugh!) .

whether your kid looks like Claudia Schiffer or Plug from the Bash Street Kids, you raise them the same, to be kind, compassionate and curious.

This.

12 is a bit late to start. Instil in her the principles of security. Remind her that everyone who sees her will remember her, men whom she doesn't notice will think they know her (don't be polite or even civil, they take it as a come-on), women will be jealous and resentful.

Dgd (exceptionally beautiful, obvs) remarked around the age of four that 'If you're beautiful, people smile when they see you'. Tell her to take it all with a pinch of salt and focus on extending her skills in other areas. Beauty can fade, but even if it doesn't, it's nice to have other things that you're proud of, too.

There are particular difficulties connected with being exceptionally beautiful, but it is also a gift and something not to be embarrassed about. Enjoy it. And keep safe.

@KingdomScrolls

A young girl, beautiful, pre pubescent and compliant towards adults, what an odd choice of words. Maybe my line of work makes me cynical but they don't sound like the words of a mother. Perhaps fantasies of a hairy handed OP...

Yes, it just serms a bit off.

Seems

All girls will get harassment from men and boys. I think it's worth being aware that she might get it specifically around her looks and it can be difficult to not use that for validation when you are a teenager and looking for proof that you are acceptable.

Also be careful of never telling her she's beautiful - I was not a good looking child or teenager but was never helped with self esteem around looks. It makes you very vulnerable to self esteem from rotten men, took me ages to shrug that off. even objectively good looking girls can be affected by this.

But yes, best bet is to work on the compliance. This is not a good thing. Recognising when to be part of the group and when to question/stand up for yourself or others/ walk away will also help with any of your concerns around looks.

Try your best not to place any of your feelings around your own looks on her - be honest with yourself as to whether you are doing this, whether she is good looking or not.

Would you think of raising her any differently if she was pig ugly?

My cousin was said to be like a young Elizabeth Taylor. I grant you, she was pretty and would probably now be seen as an attractive older woman.
To counteract her looks, she is an absolutely vile person. She would trample her own mother to get to where she wants to be.
She has actually led quite a lonely life as she never managed to retain friends, once they saw through her nastiness dressed up as humour.

@MyGrassIsBrowner

This thread is a joke right? 😳

Might be.

I can see other girls want to be her friend cause she's fun and kind but then look decidedly jeolous and irritated at dds clothes, hair, general oh wow look I'm so perfect and yet so pretty unspoken general vibe.

What?

Why on Earth are you projecting that 12 year olds look jealous and irritated about another 12 year old’s looks and ‘perfect vibe’? This isn’t happening, OP.

Also, OP, I’m sure she’s pretty but don’t forget that mummy goggles are a thing.

A friend once looked at her child, sighed and said, ‘It’s so hard to trust it because I know all parents think their child is beautiful but I just can’t get over how ridiculously gorgeous he is!’ Her kid looked like a toad. Especially next to my perfect, beautiful baby...