Not a stealth brag... Tips on raising an exceptionally beautiful child.

[Trytrytryasimight]

I know. I'm cringing at the thread title too.

I'm absolutely average, so is her dad. She happens to have an aunt who is an outlier in their family that looks like Claudia schiffer, and seems to have inherited all of her looks from her.

She's all rosy cheeks enormous green eyes and a mass of curly blond hair that never seems disheveled. She chooses her own clothes, keeps them nicely and puts them together so she looks fabulous every time. She is that child and this is through no effort of my own - I was more of an awkward indie kid through my tweens and teens. I can see other girls want to be her friend cause she's fun and kind but then look decidedly jeolous and irritated at dds clothes, hair, general oh wow look I'm so perfect and yet so pretty unspoken general vibe.
She's 12 and we've noticed teachers, club leaders, family members do seem to give her some kind of preferential treatment and I think it's becuase she is very compliant to adults and also very pretty she is.she is also genuinely good hearted and we've never had any reason to think she is unkind to others.
I want to guide her as best I can, as having an opposite experience of my looks growing up and generally being fairly invisible, I don't really know what you to help someone not place too much worth in their looks while acknowledging it's a lovely thing to be beautiful. Any advice on how to raise a particularly good looking child??

I don't think I'll ever understand this MN obsession of blonde = beautiful. Ive seen many cases of the opposite.

I was a fairly beautiful child who turned into an average adult (I now look like a combination of my average parents) so I wouldn’t panic yet. But I did get quite a lot of unwanted attention from men when I was sort of 12 onwards. Luckily they were chancing their arm rather than predators as when I said I’M THIRTEEN EWWW they generally scuttled away. I think all teenage girls have to be prepared for this (ugh) but it was generally me that got them rather than my friends (many of whom are stunners now!). Being tall probably didn’t help.

So I would say praise her for other qualities as well as her beauty, but don’t focus on “kindness” and instead encourage her to enforce her own boundaries. Obvs all parents should do this with all children, but don’t inadvertently try and get her to be extra nice because you’re worried other people will think she’s vain etc.

And it’s fine to say to her that she’s beautiful (as all parents do!) as long as it’s not the only thing she’s ever praised for. It’s weirder to never say it, and might leave her more vulnerable to the first sleazebag who tells her she’s beautiful.

If it’s not a stealth post it’s hard to see what the point of your post is? From what you say it doesn’t sound like a disadvantage more an advantage? Maybe speak to her aunt and ask her thoughts as she will have a relevant perspective.

By the way all children are beautiful to their parents, she may shine to you and other people may think she’s attractive but not be quite as spellbound. At 12 she may well get spots, lose teeth and be not be quite so ‘perfect’ for a few years.

Focus on her hard work and good nature to balance her confidence and value of herself so it doesn’t just become about looks.

@Lochmorlich I don’t think Sophie Ellis Bexter is all that. I probably wouldn’t look at her twice in the Street, she just isn’t what I think is attractive. Which proves the point that some of us are making - beauty is subjective. Of course there are beautiful people out there, maybe the OPs DD is one, it she is making out that children’s nd teachers are falling over themselves for her DD which is daft. My best friend (male) has always been incredibly good looking. He was bullied relentlessly. The way the OP is behaving over her own child’s looks is very dangerous.

I think it's a good thing to remember that even attractive people suffer from low self esteem. I was an ugly duckling that became quite an attractive teen, my mum would shower my siblings in compliments to build up thier confidence and would almost become a little nasty if I ever mentioned anything negative about my appearance. I did have a lot of attention from perverted men, particularly when I was in school uniform, so best to teach her to be a little less compliant and keep a close eye on her when out. I actually had a man grab my arse in Superdrug while I was shopping with my mum

I am much more confident as an overweight, saggy skinned 30 something then I was back then.

There’s nowt stealth about this brag. 🤣

I’d recommend encouraging her to take up hobbies that do wreck her clothes, make her muddy, and take all focus off her perceived good looks (now, I’m not saying she’s really a troll, but all parents think their kids are beautiful, you know that right?!)

And maybe discourage the adult compliance, teach her to question things, be kind and inclusive, be an activist, study hard and take all emphasis off how she looks. Which, it sounds like you’re slightly obsessed with.

Now, if you’ll excuse me... 🤣

Why on earth has "good looks" got anything to do with how we raise our children? What a load of nonsense.

Theres a rather unkund saying:

Pretty calfs make ugly cows.

Growing up I had friends who won childhood beauty comps. Think May Day Queen, Miss Pears etc. This was in the days when girls were judged on their looks.
They have all turned into very plain adults.
On the other hand I had some friends that coyld be described as plain janes growing up.
The exact opposite has happened.
The one even went on to be a model.

It's nice that you think your daughter is beautiful. Maybe it will last but be prepared that maybe it won't.

Well at least it's not stealth brag just treat her like you would any child, nothing special is needed.

Teach her boundaries. That she can say no. Teach her respect of herself and others. Teach her that she's valuable. Teach her to speak out against injustices and wrongdoings. Teach her that it's okay to ask for help whatever the circumstances.

I think you are perhaps unhealthily focused on your DDs looks OP

Ok, this post must've been created to see what shitty views about attractive women come out of the woodwork. It's a bingo thread.

Do you acknowledge to her that you think she’s prettier than her friends? I think that would be a massive error to do so. I tell my children they are beautiful everyday, but I don’t tell them they are more beautiful than anyone else.
Also all children’s looks will obviously change as they get older and if she is aware you think she is prettier than her friends, she may have a hard time when this isn’t always the case.

@NearlyTheHolidays2

Teach her boundaries. That she can say no. Teach her respect of herself and others. Teach her that she's valuable. Teach her to speak out against injustices and wrongdoings. Teach her that it's okay to ask for help whatever the circumstances.

Like you would/should with any child, right?

@KarensChoppyBob

I don't think I'll ever understand this MN obsession of blonde = beautiful. Ive seen many cases of the opposite.

This.

Are we saying that average looking children should be raised differently to a child with (in your opinion) super model looks?

This has got to be the most cringey and shallow post I've ever seen on here and believe me I've seen a lot

As parents, we’re all learning. I would suggest that you give praise for her achievements and try to build her self-esteem, so that she knows her own mind, can express an opinion and isn’t always too compliant. I always tell my DD that she’s beautiful, yes, but that her beauty isn’t the most interesting aspect of her. She is so much more.

I have an exceptionally gifted child, academically. He was assessed by Ofsted when he was about 4 and the advice they gave me has stayed with me. Don't turn his abilities into a party piece, and praise him for all of his achievements, not just the academic ones. Things like remarking on an act of kindness or a big smile. Tell him that red t shirt really looks nice on him. That sort of thing. So he becomes a rounded human being, not just a clever one. I think there's a parallel here for your situation.

I wouldnt want my child to be "compliant" whether they were "beautiful" or "plain".

I wouldn't see compliance as a particularly positive trait.

@JackieWeaverFever
“You'll get a lot of shit on this thread but you are without scaring you I think you are very right to be concerned.

I'm in a rush but here you go I hope it helps....

She is a child and will be vulnerable to men and teenage boys soon if not already.
Especially if she is kind and compliant.

You need to teach her a lot. Now.
about bodily autonomy...
About situational awareness. help her start identifying safe and how to handle herself in unsafe situations
Teach her the "excuse me exactly what do you think you are doing? I'm 13/1!!!" (Said in outdoor voice when creepy man trying to rub against her on the tube etc)
and work on scenarios around how to make good choices and how to identify people motives
My parents also operated a no questions asked pick up policy which was amazing as an idiot teenager. They made it clear if I was any where I was wasn't happy or just wanted out I could call them and they wpuld come no questions asked / no punishment etc any time of day or night.

I would consider self defence classes too.“

What in the backwards way of living hell is this?

I’m not sure if this is a troll post, but anyway. If it was my child I would never talk about looks, ever. It really shouldn’t be the most important thing about her.

I agree with @JackieWeaverFever on page one. She may well go through phases of being attractive and then less so but during the attractive phases she needs to be able to handle attention, negative or not.

@Trytrytryasimight treat her exactly as you would a decidedly ugly and awkward child. Tell her beauty is an act and an attitude not a look. Tell her that being “compliant” is not admirable AT ALL. Submerge her in activities where her looks are less relevant. Remove the influence of family/club members who priorities looks.

I wouldn't worry about it, OP.

'Rosy cheeks, huge mop of blonde hair and massive green eyes' might be cute on a young child but that's not a recipe for a particularly stunning looking teenager/adult female.

You'll probably find she's extremely average very soon.

@N51BU

Are we saying that average looking children should be raised differently to a child with (in your opinion) super model looks?

This has got to be the most cringey and shallow post I've ever seen on here and believe me I've seen a lot

This

Cringing for you.

I actually don’t know anyone who would write this sort of thing - it’s really weird.