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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To be really sad - he wants me to cancel

219 replies

Tomorrowmustbebrighter · 28/03/2021 17:53

I’ve name changed incase he gets wind of this. DH and I are not exactly flush. I’ve been wanting to buy a couple of bits of cheap furniture for ages but we’ve not had money. Recently I was surprised that he told me to go for it and order what I wanted. I tried really hard to keep the pieces under total of a couple of hundred which he’d said was fine. He liked what I’d picked. I ordered it this morning and was so excited to spruce up the house a bit. He’s just called me through to the bedroom where he’s been sleeping off a hangover to act extremely annoyed about why I’d ordered this stuff claiming he didn’t think I’d be spending any where near that amount ( this isn’t true) and I need the cancel it. He was smirking. There’s a history of abuse for years( name calling, gaslighting, belittling, jealousy drinking too much, refusal to help with the kids, swearing at me) it’s got worse and worse over lockdown . So many people think he’s super charming and hilarious. They literally have no idea what a monster he really is. I don’t know why I’ve stayed in all honesty. I don’t know how I’m still here some days. It’s so hard to explain. Just today I feel utterly heart broken that he thinks it’s fun to take this from me. He knew how much it meant to me. I have been measuring up and looking on Pinterest etc. All for nothing . Just that bit of hope.

OP posts:
CirqueDeMorgue · 28/03/2021 19:17

Awful cunt. :(

DowntonCrabby · 28/03/2021 19:17

You obviously know exactly wish he’s like and that this is abuse.

GTFO!!!!!

MadMadMadamMim · 28/03/2021 19:17

You would be so much happier if you left him.

Please consider it at least.

Zebracat · 28/03/2021 19:17

He is not the boss of you, and you are not the mouse to his cat. Bin him.Please. You’ve already wasted too much time on him.

S111n20 · 28/03/2021 19:18

Sorry just seen your update. Please take that leap and find happiness life is too short 💖

Tomorrowmustbebrighter · 28/03/2021 19:18

By the way he always blames his behaviour on me. Always. It’s always someone else’s fault.

OP posts:
betterfantasia · 28/03/2021 19:18

I'm so sorry. That is no way to live. Don't do this.

SwedishK · 28/03/2021 19:19

Do you have anyone nearby you can go to?

RandomMess · 28/03/2021 19:19

How old are the DC? Leave via a refuge if need be Thanks

Perlea · 28/03/2021 19:20

Bet he's got a bloody ringworm of a penis anorl

MumW · 28/03/2021 19:21

LTB.
I know it's not as easy as that but you've already admitted that he is abusive. Do you have children?
Contact Women's Aid and get some help to get out. You are worth so much more than this.

arethereanyleftatall · 28/03/2021 19:22

Maybe your youngest isn't really attached to him? Maybe he's scared of him and is self-protecting.

XingMing · 28/03/2021 19:23

My Dh has strong opinions on almost everything, but we have never come to the border of separation over such trivialities. One of you needs a job that engrosses your mind.

Bluebells32 · 28/03/2021 19:23

He's a power freak. The 180 degree switches are something else: "yes it's ok; no it's not ok".If you hold him to account, he won't remember and/or become abusive. It's exhausting. His public face is convincing but you know in private he's something else. Plan, save and get out asap.

georgarina · 28/03/2021 19:25

Sounds like malignant narcissism. This was a lot like my mum's husband growing up. He took a lot of pleasure in dangling something in front of us, then snatching it away for a made up 'reason'. You could see he enjoyed it.

Is this a relationship you want to be in OP? The way you're describing your partner and the relationship is really concerning.

IsThePopeCatholic · 28/03/2021 19:25

You sound like a lovely person, op. You don’t deserve to have this man in your life. He is cruel and calculating. Get out as soon as you can. Your kids will adapt to the split and you will eventually have a happy life. Good luck.

Pansypotter123 · 28/03/2021 19:27

Cancel the furniture and pocket the money. Start your "F- off" fund with it.

What is your financial position, housing situation, who i op and the bills and so on?

Tomorrowmustbebrighter · 28/03/2021 19:27

I could do with some help actually. Practical mainly. If anyone knows what I should start with?

Kids all teens

OP posts:
IEat · 28/03/2021 19:27

Screw the bond between him and your child, do not stay for the children. They’ll be happy if your happier and your happiness depends on leaving husband go. Be brave

Twoforthree · 28/03/2021 19:27

Your youngest will grow up with a warped sense of relationships if you don't leave. It will screw him up long term. You'll be protecting him if you leave, even if he seems quite attached at the moment.

Happylittlethoughts · 28/03/2021 19:27

Fuck Lass, you sound so sad and beaten down ! Leave him! Let him be charming and hilarious on his own . Please save yourself ! Please.

mumofthemonsters808 · 28/03/2021 19:28

It’s a power/ control thing, he is feeling rough so he is not authorising the furniture purchase, he is your Husband not your Boss, why can you not make these type of decisions without his input ?He knows you want it, so he’s stoping you in your tracks, It is furniture for a home he lives in, but because of the nasty, vile mood he is in, it’s now deemed wasteful, unnecessary.He is a prick, but you already know that.

Loveagoodbuffet · 28/03/2021 19:28

@XingMing I think you've missed the point of the OP.

I feel sad reading your post op. I hope you find happiness in the future Flowers

Lovemusic33 · 28/03/2021 19:28

Ditch him.

I remember when I kicked out dh (now ex dh), he never let me buy anything for the house and we lived in a house full of second hand crap furniture even though we could afford to buy new. As soon as he moved out I replaced all the 2nd hand furniture, bought my first ever new sofa and coffee table, painted the whole house and bought nice cushions 🤣

Pansypotter123 · 28/03/2021 19:29

*who pays the bills..... 🙄

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