Argument with husband over using public.toilets

[Mother40]

My husband has been very cautious during the pandemic (I have been cautious but I think he has been over the top). I do avoid using public toilets unless necessary, and would often go behind a busy on a walk rather than use them right now. However, it is my.period right now, so would obviously not want to go behind a bush. In the car I mentioned I might have to use the public toilets. My husband said I should.have.said this before.we.went, and should not be going a walk if I had to use the toilets. This turned into a huge argument and we ended up.only doing half the walk. I feel really angry that he would.cause a big argument over something so silly. I'm sure most people would.use public toilets right now if they had to but he is making me.feel like I'm totally In the wrong and like with most argument we.have will not back down.

@CuthbertDibbleandGrubb

Whilst I think you should have gone before leaving the house, in the circumstances you face a public toilet was the sensible option. You could flush and perhaps turn on taps without hands being directly on them if you were concerned.

I agreed with this but then i remembered OP is on her period .

1. He is controlling.

1. He is profoundly stupid. Coronavirus is spread by droplet infection, not public toilets.

1. Why are you with someone like this? What do you get out of it?

@Doyoumindifitsthere I looked into them as we wanted to start hiking and I panic if I can't find a loo. As it is we haven't been walking anywhere too far so i haven't used them yet 🤣 It would purely be for emergency purposes for me but I can see how would be a good thing for those regularly hiking or just getting caught short and not wanting to use public loos x

It isn't my personal opinion, it was discussed fairly widely. If you look on e.g. Welsh govt guidance it explains that toilets carry a risk (unlike e.g. standing outside).
Ok so the Welsh gov guidance say 'Toilets are potentially a risk for transmission of the virus if not managed well.'
That is not at all the same thing as

*'a particular area of concern' as it is often the only indoor bit of a day trip out/visit to venue and thought that is where a significant number caught it'

Which is what you said. I also can't see any Welsh give stats stating that toilets are a significant cause of infection. Could you link to this please or is it just your opinion?

Toilets are often small rooms. Sometimes there is more than one person in at a time.

Not generally in a toilet cubicle
There's plenty of scope for social distancing and cubicles are partitioned, just like cashiers at the supermarket.

People breathe whilst using the toilet. The next person comes in and breathes in what was breathed out by the person before.
How is this different from a supermarket queue? Or any other indoor area.

Also people touch things in toilets.
I think this is why handwashing is encouraged

These things are so obvious that I don't understand why you are questioning it.

I haven't actually questioned any of these because they weren't part of your original statement. I'm reasonably familiar with public toilets so tbh your descriptions of them as small rooms where more than one person may be, aren't as enlightening as you might think. You've made (another) incorrect assumption that I've asked those questions (you do make a lot of assumptions)

What I actually questioned was your statement that toilets are the place where a significant number of people have caught coronavirus.

Rather than just answer that it's just your opinion and not actually fact, you've instead gone to the trouble of describing public toilets for me. As I said, not as helpful as you think and also not what I asked.

You have zero evidence for what you said - there's no evidence that public toilets are a significant source if coronavirus transmission on days out. You've made it up based on you assumptions. And let's face it, your assumptions on this threads haven't exactly been accurate have they?

I find it strange that some people are so keen to present their own scaremongering opinion as fact. There is already enough misplaced anxiety around coronavirus. Why would you want to add to that?

You're both being ridiculous, wash your hands after going and it'll be fine. Honestly 🙄

I only stopped using public loos when they were not open
cold, draughty
Never anyone else there.

If he is being cautious because of being vulnerable or anxious, you using public toilets may may him feel more vulnerable. In that case, you should both stay closer to home. But if he's happy to drive for walks, that probably isn't the case, so he can't have it both ways. If you need to go, you need to go.

1)You are borderline diabetic-you urinate more frequently with elevated blood glucose 2) you are on your period you also need to urinate more frequently due to elevated hormonal levels or to change out your feminine hygiene product 3) you've had more than one child your bladder may be weaker from pregnancy and birth
4) Your husband is an asshole to dictate and control and pass this onto your child-I hope you told your son that you have basic human functions and you are masking and washing your hands

Some rational information

https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/how-risky-is-using-a-public-bathroom-during-the-pandemic-2020071420556

In particular:
There haven’t been any confirmed cases of people catching COVID-19 through exposure to the virus from feces or urine.

This might be one of those relationships that you look back at and wonder why you stayed too long. I have two of those, and I wish I had left sooner. It is OK to leave at any time for any reason - you don't have to have a "good enough" reason, it is enough to just not be happy with the way things are, or to realise that a relationship isn't adding anything positive to your life

It's really worrying that this is a situation you feel merits the sentence 'I won't back down' - you are talking about a very basic human function and your very normal response to it. You t doesn't matter if you back down or not, either way your husband has a very wrong attitude.

The risk from a toilet flush sending aerosolised particles can be reduced by closing the lid before flushing.

So glad I'm single😂😂😂😂😂

How does he feel about your child using the toilet in school?

He is being ridiculous. Don’t put up with it. If you need to go, you need to go.

At the beginning of all this, it felt awful to be a household carrying on working when it felt (certainly on Mumsnet) like most of the country were hiding away. But the more I see of this kind of nonsense, the more I realise that many of those who have been in the fortunate position to control their risk are now suffering in other ways. We are a couple of weeks away from coming out of lockdown. What is your husband expecting to change if you can't so much as use a public toilet when rates are very low and you've been vaccinated?

A) he is not the boss of you

And b) he is being completely over the top. It’s possible, but extremely unlikely you would catch covid from a loo. Just wash your hands.

I would point out the above to him and say you will be walking alone till he wises up.

Also his ability to assess risk is well off wack. He’s not the only one, but as he returns to normal life he’ll have to address it.

Lots of people avoid public toilets at the moment, he isn't that unusual. For some, it feels like an avoidable risk, except in emergencies. I think it is reasonable to agree as a family the kinds of risks you are all comfortable taking. The strops and controlling don't sound good though.

@Veterinari

On your specific points - my local supermarket must be hundreds of times bigger than the average public toilet block/room and therefore contains much much more air, not everyone washes their hands, and the cubicle partitions are not the point - going into a cubicle straight after someone else is in air terms the same as being in a room with them for a short period.

Doesn't mean I won't use them when I need to.

@Cocomarine

You’re not 5 years old, so:

• he doesn’t get to decide where you go to the toilet
• he certainly doesn’t get to pull the, “why didn’t you go before you came out” line, which again - is for 5 year olds

Completely agree!!!!

At the beginning of all this, it felt awful to be a household carrying on working when it felt (certainly on Mumsnet) like most of the country were hiding away. But the more I see of this kind of nonsense, the more I realise that many of those who have been in the fortunate position to control their risk are now suffering in other ways

Absolutely this.

My life has basically carried on, I stop on the motorway and use public toilets twice a week, use the loos at work, have been in and out of other people's houses all year for work.

And then I read on Mumsnet how some people have spent the year hiding away and lost all sense of reality.

@AnnaMagnani

At the beginning of all this, it felt awful to be a household carrying on working when it felt (certainly on Mumsnet) like most of the country were hiding away. But the more I see of this kind of nonsense, the more I realise that many of those who have been in the fortunate position to control their risk are now suffering in other ways

Absolutely this.

My life has basically carried on, I stop on the motorway and use public toilets twice a week, use the loos at work, have been in and out of other people's houses all year for work.

And then I read on Mumsnet how some people have spent the year hiding away and lost all sense of reality.

We couldn't have all done this though, or cases would have been too high.

The group where life has carried on have been much more likely to catch covid than those who were at home - but much less so than if we had all been doing what they were doing.

It was only because not all of us carried on that it didn't result in a Brazil-like situation.

@Calmdown14

At the beginning of all this, it felt awful to be a household carrying on working when it felt (certainly on Mumsnet) like most of the country were hiding away. But the more I see of this kind of nonsense, the more I realise that many of those who have been in the fortunate position to control their risk are now suffering in other ways. We are a couple of weeks away from coming out of lockdown. What is your husband expecting to change if you can't so much as use a public toilet when rates are very low and you've been vaccinated?

This ^

@Mother40

He has read up a lot about it, so I know.there is a.small chance.you.could catch it in a toilet, but this is not.a.way to live if you can't go anywhere you would.need to use the toilet!

The chances of catching in a toilet are a damn slight slimmer than you leaking all over the place when you are on your period.

He doesn't have to use a toilet if he doesn't want to (funny that, being male, he can go behind a bush and doesn't have periods).

Some women on MN really are married to some arseholes and OP you are one of them. Tell him he's an arse and needs to grow up.

And I agree with the pp who said she would not even engage. Nobody tells me when I can and cannot use the toilet, I go when I need to. Because only know when I need to go.

PS is he one of those twits who thinks women can control their period flow?

I do work in healthcare so obvs I had to be at work - but I can see the impact on those who stayed at home's mental health is huge.

Those of us at work are going to the loo! There's been a lot of info for where outbreaks have spread for workplaces and it is all people in close contact with masks off, breathing over each other. For example when we had an outbreak bringing in food was banned as outbreaks had been traced to people gathering round the cake.

Loos, not so much.