Do men know this is creepy?

[FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18]

Yesterday I was walking in woodland near my home, something I do regularly. I was approaching a gate leading to the lane and a guy was coming through it towards me. I glanced back once I was through the gate and he'd turned around and was now walking behind me. I stopped by a tree and pretended to be fiddling with my phone so I was facing him and kind of stared him down... He then made a 90 degree turn and went up the hill.

I don't think he was actually going to do anything sinister but surely guys know that you don't do an about-face and start following a woman you've just passed in a relatively remote space with no other people around? He wasn't a young lad who might not have realised this is scary for women, he was in his thirties.

I realise men can be clueless but is it possible to be THAT oblivious? Do they do it on purpose or am I paranoid after seeing screenshots from reddit users saying they get a kick out of following women and seeing them get nervous?

@Londonmummy66

I had this one evening when I had to make a complicated journey on public transport. I clocked a guy getting on the tube and sitting opposite me. I got off and switched to an overground train - no sign of him. When I got off the overground train I saw him again - quite unusual. He then got on the same bus as me - I was quite freaked out by this - he sat upstairs and I was downstairs. I got off at a stop on the busy south circular road and he then got off the bus too (running down the stairs and getting off at the last minute). I was absolutely terrified and ended up running into a fast food place and calling a cab to finish my journey. Guys in the takeaway were really sweet but it was an awful experience.

That sounds horrible, & I'm glad you were able to stay safe.

I had a guy do the tube bit one night: the carriage was empty & I got on & sat down, & two young guys got on & sat one opposite me & the other in the next seat but one. They were acting like they weren't together but I had a feeling they were (which is suspicious in itself), so I stared at the one opposite while also watching the other one's reflection in the window. They both got off at the next stop without doing anything, but I'm pretty certain it was because I didn't take my eyes off them. I assumed the likeliest scenario was one of them punching me in the face & the other stealing my bag, & I could do without that.

So I'm saying, yes, a lot of men it could be perceived as creepy, so they'll say something cheery to put you at ease, if they're not creepy.

There's plenty wrong with agreeing "not all men" . For a start it blindingly obvious and doesn't need saying.

^Exactly. And there was no need to come up with a NAMALT comment. We know that it isn’t all men who enjoy creeping women out and no one had suggested any different.

I’m sorry that happened, OP, that must have freaked you out.

And as for that screenshot from those teenage boys, that was very disturbing to read.

^know

I had a guy follow me on the tube one night. I was running away so fast that I fell over my feet... A lovely older man picked me up and asked if I was ok. I burst into tears and explained. He walked with me and put me on the tube train... That restored my faith a bit!

@grassisjeweled

This is why we need to teach our female children how to tell boys/men to fuck off loudly and aggressively.

And teach boy children not to be so bloody pathetic as the idiot who posted that shit. Absolutely dispicable.

That doesn't always work. I remember being followed through a park in London many years ago by someone who started getting closer and closer, right in my face and asking my name and where I lived. I was almost running in the end but he wouldn't go away. I repeatedly aggressively told him to fuck off even though I was terrified. Another man came passed in the other direction which I hoped would deter the follower, but the other man just looked a bit shocked and taken aback (I think by my aggressive fuck offs to the arsehole) and hurried past. Thankfully he finally gave up when we got near the edge of the park.

The comments about being followed, tailgated, harassed when driving are spot on. I've experienced a big increase in this over the last 10yrs. One night I dropped off my OH and got followed for 3miles by two young men in an old car. I diverted thinking they would carry on up the road but they followed me so i pulled into a supermarket. They followed me into the carpark and turned their full beams on me.

Women who feel the need to say NAMALT. Please can you tell the rest of us, once and for all, how to spot predatory and potentially dangerous men? Do they have special tattoos? Or a particular type of haircut? Wear certain trainers? If only you would tell us we could once again step out into the world without fear. Eagerly anticipating your reply because it will be life changing.

^Precisely. Surely it isn’t that difficult to understand this?

Some women say NAMALT because this is the only way they are able to go out and about without being paralysed by fear. Particularly those who have suffered assault.
Of course there are political reasons why NAMALT is damaging, but there should still be some sensitivity shown to women who choose to say this, rather than treating them as part of a problem caused solely by men.

The only thing that has surprised me in recent times is all the men who are pretending that they just had no idea how behaviour’s like this is threatening, and frightens women. They know-they just don’t care, don’t think or worse, enjoy it.

Jesus christ, not a single person has said all men do these things. My dp wouldn't dream of hurting a woman but you know what, he is 6 ft 2 and built like a brick shit house. If he was walking behind a woman, he would be threatening regardless of his intentions.

Luckily he has had it drilled into him what he should do in these situations, same as I will teach my son. He is a good man but other women who don't know him don't know that.

OP, imo that guy was intentionally following you, it is such a weird thing to do otherwise. I'm glad he turned and walked off. Actual cunt.

@Lentillover1900

I did exactly what he did last week on a woodland walk to a woman in front of me.

I realised I’d dropped a glove so had to turn abruptly

This is the thing, it COULD have been innocent. Which is why I'd feel silly calling police -what an I going to tell them? "This guy walking in a public space changed direction and was walking the same way as me until I stopped and looked at him and then he changed direction again".

This is why it's such a grey area, and I think they know it. Men know just walking behind a woman will make her uncomfortable but it's not an arrestable offence, and describing it can make you sound crazy!

@YouWerePrettyIWasLonely

Do you go on threads about racism and say Not All White People Are Like That or articles on male suicide pointing out that 3 times as many women attempt suicide *@VenusTiger* ? Or do you realise if you did it would be a bit arseholey.

But if a thread was talking as though all whites people are racist then wouldn’t you maybe post - hang on, not all white people are racist.

While I was walking my dog one evening, two teenage boys got to walking very quickly and chatting amongst themselves and came up behind me before overtaking. I don't doubt they did it on purpose.
It was a particularly nasty thing to do to the dog, as he has been scared of men ever since and goes mad if a man comes near me while we're out, or if a strange man comes to the house.

Clearly, women know tbat all men are not like that, or we'd never leave our houses again. But how do we tell who's a psycho and who's not? Or who just wants to have a wank over having scared one of us, and who actually wants to kill us (and have a wank over that too, probably)

I've read that if you do say “fuck off” etc passersby are more likely to think you're a couple just having an argument than think you're being followed. Far better to say “I don't know this man” to let people know you may need help.

Why do men do x

is a different sentence to

why do all men do x

I've probably reached the age when if I followed a lady she would laugh at the old man. I am now 74
I was taught many years ago to try hard not to make a lady feel unsafe. If I am walking along a road behind a lady, I cross the road so I am not following her.
It is easy to do little things like that to prevent fear.

I so wish I'd just had boys. What a world my daughter is living in. I couldn't even read all that screenshot, it was so horrific.

I don't know what the motives of the man in the OP were, it sounds wrong at face value and not a nice experience.

However though I go out walking a lot on my own in the country and am:
a/ normally entirely in my own world and
b/ blind as a fucking bat so if someone is more than about 10 feet away I don't know if they're a man or woman unless it's really really obvious or really staring, which nobody likes. But if you'd passed on the path then it couldn't be that anyway.

With regards to crossing roads or not following people in dark places though I err on the side of caution and I'm quite used to that anyway because I'm often smoking and don't want to smoke on them

@Gingernaut

Yup. They know it's creepy.

That's horrifying. I can't believe what I just read. "Harmless psychological fun" WTF?????????

He was trying to intimidate you at the least. Of course deliberately.

If it happens again report immediately.

Sometimes I do turn around abruptly or randomly on a walk, if I'm going out and back for example. The difference is, I would never turn around so I ended up following someone... I would either wait a few more minutes or take a different route.
But that's because I realise how the other person may feel... is that because I'm a woman and have had similar experiences to the rest of you in the past? Surely a decent man would also realise this...

Yes some men do it on purpose and I'm reeling still, having been told two 16 year old boys locally brag about frightening women this way. They enjoy it, they are normal, well brought up kids by which I mean you'd never suspect

They're not normal.

They're not well brought up.

There is something seriously wrong with them and with the homes they were brought up in.

I am sorry that you were intimidated and think that people need to think about how they behave , but I do not necessarily think that men should cross the road or not get in a lift if their is a line female - that said I think that they might be advised to do so.