Do men know this is creepy?

[FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18]

Yesterday I was walking in woodland near my home, something I do regularly. I was approaching a gate leading to the lane and a guy was coming through it towards me. I glanced back once I was through the gate and he'd turned around and was now walking behind me. I stopped by a tree and pretended to be fiddling with my phone so I was facing him and kind of stared him down... He then made a 90 degree turn and went up the hill.

I don't think he was actually going to do anything sinister but surely guys know that you don't do an about-face and start following a woman you've just passed in a relatively remote space with no other people around? He wasn't a young lad who might not have realised this is scary for women, he was in his thirties.

I realise men can be clueless but is it possible to be THAT oblivious? Do they do it on purpose or am I paranoid after seeing screenshots from reddit users saying they get a kick out of following women and seeing them get nervous?

I think it more likely he was a potential predator and your vigilance deterred him, than a member of that sick Reddit. Report it OP.

Yes I do think it is done on purpose. I speculate that some of it is a perverted response from men who are socially inadequate and unsuccessful in relationships.

One of the actions suggested as a response to the concerns about women's safety after the murder of Sarah Everard was on the education of men. The point @VenusTiger makes about her husband and space is something every man should understand.

ARGH of course it is not every man - but it is clearly sensible to assume it could be every man because the alternative is assuming they are nice and then being wrong.

Wherever there are public computers for use, there are men sitting there all day & most days, tweeting harassing stalking mocking threatening women. Disrupting topics about misogyny, domestic violence etc.

Ordinary looking men who no doubt have mothers, sisters, wives, daughters. & It's not just a few men - it's loads. No doubt claiming they can't be at home as they need peace to work, or study

Women aren't listened to enough, are deemed hysterical too often for concerns around misogyny. Men who actively seek to scare women. But such men are diligent in finding outlets. If I hadn't come across above work scenario some years back it would never even have crossed my mind that this was actually a thing.

So as pp's have said, nothing surprises me in terms of what men are capable of.

@VenusTiger

That screenshot is not every man - stalkers are not every man - murderers are not every man. I've been followed (several times), shut in a hotel room, dragged across a road (by the hand), driven away from the direction of my home in a taxi so I understand where some are coming from. But we must not vilify every single man like this. Not all men will do this, my husband understands if he's walking behind a lone woman/girl, he will hang back or cross the road - it's something you teach your sons AND your daughters, but we can't live like this with presuming that ALL men are predators. OP, sorry to hear you felt unsafe, hope you're okay.

YAWWWNNNNNN

The NAMALT brigade are here.......

OP I hope you're feeling OK

@littlepattilou what does that mean? and how do my terrifying experiences make you yawn so? You're nice.

for ease of reporting it if anyone wants to and you come across it, that's not a reddit post, its just not how the site is set up at all. believe it might be 4chan, so reporting to reddit won't get you anywhere

@cryh it's not about presuming it can happen with every man - I'm talking about how we treat our sons, our fathers, brothers, husbands - do we treat them differently to every strange man, but it's okay for every woman to treat our sons as though they are predators?
It's not real life.
Have your wits about you and teach your sons and husbands how not to act creepy.

That reminds me that after some bombings in London, young men in Manchester would wear their rucksacks with wiring hanging out, as this had been noted about the bombers. Some people just enjoy being intimidating.

The reason he stopped and turned round was probably because he thought you'd filmed him and sent it to someone tbh. Who knows what he was planning to do before that

@VenusTiger

And any other women who feel the need to say NAMALT. Please can you tell the rest of us, once and for all, how to spot predatory and potentially dangerous men? Do they have special tattoos? Or a particular type of haircut? Wear certain trainers? If only you would tell us we could once again step out into the world without fear. Eagerly anticipating your reply because it will be life changing. Thank you so much

@Rummikub

I can believe it happens It used to happen to me - teenagers or men rushing up behind and shouting then laughing at my reaction. This was when I looked much younger so don’t know if that’s who they target. Tbh I thought it was as I’m not white.

I've had this - not often as I'm not out late at night much. Teenagers making sudden movements at me then laughing with 'she's scared!'. I'm in my 50s and white.

And of course it's not all men, it goes without saying, so no point making long posts to state the obvious, Venus. It just derails the actual conversation, which is about women being able to feel safe.

[quote VenusTiger]**@cryh* it's not about presuming it can happen with every man - I'm talking about how we treat our sons, our fathers, brothers, husbands - do we treat them differently to every strange man, but it's okay for every woman to treat our sons as though they* are predators?
It's not real life.
Have your wits about you and teach your sons and husbands how not to act creepy.[/quote]
I think you are wrong on this issue

Too many women are being assaulted and harrassed.

Our sons are not the victims when it comes to this topic.

I think he was going to do something sinister op. He walked through the gate then abruptly did a u turn after you went through the gate. Definitely dodgy behaviour.

Oh God...

'Not myyyy Husband'
'Not myyyy Male friend'
🙄

Muhammed Ali's snake pit analogy is fitting.

If you didn't fear snakes and someone told you to put your hand in a snakepit and 'Its ok, only SOME of them will bite you, the others won't so you'll be fine'

How would you feel and what would you do?

@ginghamtablecloths

I'd like to say that at my great age nothing much surprises me anymore but WTF. And men wonder why we're so fed up with them.

Because comments like this don't help.

Posted all over the place recently:

"No, not all men, but if I gave you a box of 20 maltesers and told you one of them was actually a ball of chocolate covered poo, you would be wary of them all."

OP

I've been assaulted and harrassed @cryh - I was referring to the 'men' comments that's all I was doing.
I'll keep my experiences to myself from now on. MN is so divisive. There's nothing in wrong in agreeing that not all men XYZ is there. I wished the OP well, as her situation rang true with one of my experiences, but we need perspective in life generally. As I said, teach your sons and partners, talk about it, that's all you can do surely.

#MeToo

@cryh it's not about presuming it can happen with every man - I'm talking about how we treat our sons, our fathers, brothers, husbands - do we treat them differently to every strange man, but it's okay for every woman to treat our sons as though they are predators?

How are we supposed to pick out your son from any other stranger?

Have your wits about you and teach your sons and husbands how not to act creepy.

In other words: women, keep yourselves safe and make sure that men behave themselves.

Is there any point at which you think men need to take responsibility for their own behaviour, or that fathers might need to educate their sons?

To the NAMALT lot: fuck off, do.

Who are the majority perpetrators of attacks against women out of the home? Men.

Who are the majority perpetrators of attacks against men out of the home? Men.

The only way for women to protect themselves from attacks by unknown men is to assume all men are a predator until it can be established otherwise. If that hurt the feelings of men, who gives a fuck?

What’s more important? Protecting a poor innocent man’s feelings or a vulnerable woman who’s walking home/walking to her car/going to the shop/picking up her kids/going to the pub/walking to the bus stop etc.

That screenshot is fucking horrendous

Absolutely vile behaviour 😡

@MiaChia that doesn't make any sense whatsoever - life is a risk and yes, it shouldn't be a risk to walk to the shop on your own, I get that, but what do we do? shut them all away? curfew them ALL? or educate them (as I suggested).
What do we do about domestic violence in the home? What about women who attack their partners? What about female stalkers and female murderers - of course you can't 'point them out' that's a ridiculous thing to say.
My whole point to OP was, sorry this happened to you, it's happened to me, but don't fear EVERY man and let's talk about this openly in case some men don't realise how scary this is for us. Geez!