Do men know this is creepy?

[FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18]

Yesterday I was walking in woodland near my home, something I do regularly. I was approaching a gate leading to the lane and a guy was coming through it towards me. I glanced back once I was through the gate and he'd turned around and was now walking behind me. I stopped by a tree and pretended to be fiddling with my phone so I was facing him and kind of stared him down... He then made a 90 degree turn and went up the hill.

I don't think he was actually going to do anything sinister but surely guys know that you don't do an about-face and start following a woman you've just passed in a relatively remote space with no other people around? He wasn't a young lad who might not have realised this is scary for women, he was in his thirties.

I realise men can be clueless but is it possible to be THAT oblivious? Do they do it on purpose or am I paranoid after seeing screenshots from reddit users saying they get a kick out of following women and seeing them get nervous?

[Mol70]

" Men are afraid women will laugh at them.
Women are afraid men will kill them."

[Ellabellaboo2020]

I’m sorry this happened to you too @FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 I know you may have felt a bit silly but honestly don’t ever feel that way trust your gut, it’s there for a reason. For people who have said you should take more precautions, don’t go out by yourself in the dark etc then suggest how we get home from work? It’s only now light after 6pm where I am and that’s because the clocks went forward. Or if we don’t drive and need something from the shops that can’t wait until morning? Why is it always up to women to not do these things?? At what point do we say enough is enough? You done nothing wrong OP not 1 thing. I hope your ok

As for the poster who said about those boys who attacked me just wanted a badge of honour ( your probably not wrong ) but the point is a group of girls that age would never have done what those boys did to me. They did it because they knew they could make me feel a certain way, overpower me easily. Do I think they would have done it to my 6ft 3 14 stone male partner who works out everyday, I highly doubt it. They all could have overpowered the man who helped me but didn’t even so much as give him a backwards glance once they managed to get away. I’ve said previously I know it’s not every male but like I said in a previous post, would I tell the girl that my dp is running behind not to be scared or frightened? Not a chance! Not because he’s ever done anything wrong to anyone, but because she doesn’t know him from Adam therefore no matter who it is, treat every situation like this with caution because when you don’t, that’s when bad things tend to happen.

[EggyPegg]

That screenshot is horrible.

DH and I went to Turkey in out mid twenties and went to a local fairground. We went on the bumper cars and had a car each. Suddenly about 20 men appeared and got into cars too. They systematically worked together to isolate me from DH, bashing me from all directions.

They had no intention of assaulting me I'm sure, but the intent was there to harass and frighten me.

DH and I got off the ride and got out of there. It frightened him too as he felt powerless.

[AryaStarkWolf]

@Gingernaut

Yup. They know it's creepy.

"harmless psychological fun" what a disgusting creep

[Mittens030869]

@EggyPegg

That sounds really scary.

I reminds me of an experience I had in Turkey. I’ve been there several times to help with a conference for Central Asian women, organised by a charity I work with. I travelled to and from there several times. The last time, on the way home, I was travelling alone (previously I’d always been with my DH or with my friend who founded the conference.

Anyway, on the way in, a man stopped me, pretending to be immigration. He demanded my passport and stupidly I gave it to him. (I should have realised that he wasn’t genuine.) He made me walk a short distance with him whilst he looked through my passport then gave it back to me and left me.

It was a frightening experience, I never did work out what that man wanted. Presumably, he targeted me because I was a woman on my own who he could intimidate. It certainly worked, but thankfully it finished quickly.

[Nigglenaggle]

I think disgusting is too strong. It's pathetic. If that's the only way you can feel powerful then you don't have much of a life, frankly. Pity him, eye roll and move on.

[Tinkerbell456]

Sorry salary Malory. Just re read my post and it does sound as though I meant I wouldn’t cross husband. I would and not infrequently do! No, I was thinking about a random man his size.

[CasperGutman]

As a man, I sometimes feel nervous if somebody (particularly somebody male) is following me, and occasionally I become aware that a person in front of me (particularly a woman) may find my presence intimidating. I generally take a turning or cross the road in these circumstances.

The behaviour of the man the OP encountered is unacceptable, and the screenshot of the "harmless psychological fun" guy is sickening. Is it fuck "harmless", you prick. It doesn't sound like "fun" either, but "psychological" may be accurate.

(And now I'm in two minds whether to click the Post button, as on reading this post back it seems to have an unhealthy subtext of "not all man are like that" BS, and that's not the point.)

[sue20]

Back in the 70s a stated feminist request was that men didn’t walk behind a woman up a pavement even if they just happened to be going same way but that they cross the road. Doesn’t hurt them and it is a sensitive thing to do. I often think of those demands whilst walking home at night and some geyser walking behind me!

[SnackSizeRaisin]

Sadly I think as women we do need to accept that the imbalance of power between men and women is never going to change, and there will always be a reasonable proportion of men who choose to bully and belittle women (and worse).
Therefore as women we do need to take steps to protect ourselves. Unpleasant things will doubtless happen, unless we never leave the house, but at least they will hopefully not be life threatening.
At the same time, believing all men are potential rapists is not going to lead to a healthy mental state.
There's a balance to be struck between caution and faith that most people do mean well.

In terms of societal change: good men (and women) being less tolerant of low level bad behaviour probably can make a difference. However it's very difficult because men don't really want to believe there's a problem. In the same way that white British people don't really want to believe there is a problem with racism.

[mathanxiety]

Most men aren't going to attack you, and the fact that there is someone behind you means the person hiding in the bushes will wait for an easier target.
Well isn't that reassuring...

We can't change men's behaviour - we can change our attitude and understanding of risk.
WHAT HAVE I JUST READ?

I'll tell you what would change men's behaviour overnight. It's prosecution of sexual crimes against women, and prison sentences that reflected the true seriousness of the crimes. Don't underestimate the educational aspect of the law.

[beginningoftheend]

I'll tell you what would change men's behaviour overnight. It's prosecution of sexual crimes against women, and prison sentences that reflected the true seriousness of the crimes. Don't underestimate the educational aspect of the law.
Totally agree.

Why people think the Conservatives are the party of law and order when they have cut police, courts, prisons and probation I don't know.

The UK does not prosecute sexual offences. The Conservative government is happy with that.

[Dozer]

Recommend the book Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker. Found it v helpful after experiencing low level stalking twice in my early twenties.

[CandyLeBonBon]

Therefore as women we do need to take steps to protect ourselves. Unpleasant things will doubtless happen, unless we never leave the house, but at least they will hopefully not be life threatening.

Wtaf?

We should be happy with that should we?
What do we class as 'not life threatening'?

By the way - you do realise WE ARE ALREADY TAKING STEPS don't you?

What else would you suggest exactly, @SnackSizeRaisin

[BIWI]

@SnackSizeRaisin

Did you really mean to say this:

there will always be a reasonable proportion of men who choose to bully and belittle women (and worse)

Reasonable? WTAF are you thinking?

[StarCourt]

And yet another news item today showing what women are up against. Plumbers completing work and asking for sex as payment!

Woman in her 80s fled in fear after plumber asked for payment in sex www.birminghammail.co.uk/news/midlands-news/woman-80s-fled-fear-after-20301925

[StarCourt]

@RobboCop no the article mentions 2 separate women