Do men know this is creepy?

[FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18]

Yesterday I was walking in woodland near my home, something I do regularly. I was approaching a gate leading to the lane and a guy was coming through it towards me. I glanced back once I was through the gate and he'd turned around and was now walking behind me. I stopped by a tree and pretended to be fiddling with my phone so I was facing him and kind of stared him down... He then made a 90 degree turn and went up the hill.

I don't think he was actually going to do anything sinister but surely guys know that you don't do an about-face and start following a woman you've just passed in a relatively remote space with no other people around? He wasn't a young lad who might not have realised this is scary for women, he was in his thirties.

I realise men can be clueless but is it possible to be THAT oblivious? Do they do it on purpose or am I paranoid after seeing screenshots from reddit users saying they get a kick out of following women and seeing them get nervous?

@Toomuchtrouble4me

Maybe he’d forgotten something and was heading back until he realised he’d scared you and so he went back uphill. Men must have freedom of movement too.

Indeed. I'm sure he followed her by mistake, like you do. A bit like those men who go out and wank in public when there are women around. Of course they meant to do it at home in the privacy of their own porn filled bedrooms, but they just forgot. Those poor men eh? and their silly memory lapses ?

I want to hunt that puny little screenshot man and kill him. Yesterday my teen daughter came to me all upset and said a friend was approached by a man when she was in the park video calling her. He didn't let her be and kept following her and asking questions even though she said she doesn't want to talk to him. She hurried home and cried and cried. She's fourteen.

If he is in a hurry maybe he didn’t have time to consider it.
But understand it’s odd but equally if he had tut. Around minutes later and you noticed him behind you, wouldn’t that cause same worry?

@WeeGobshiteBentBastard. Wow, such venom. I’d stop now because you’re coming across as anti-men. We need REASONED debate if things are ever to change. And this is not that.

And of course there's the predictable NAMALT defence, only a few posts in. They just never fail, and can't seem to resist doing this every time an opportunity presents itself.

On threads such as this, raising such serious issues about women's safety, do people not understand how tone deaf, rude, out of place, insensitive, irrelevant, minimising and downright inappropriate this is?

Fuck that noise. Parcel it up and send it off on a one-way ticket to fuck. Do not pass GO ...

I remember walking with my mum broad daylight into town. A man (about mid-50s) walked up behind us and barked so loudly in my mum's ear. Really shook us up. They definitely get a kick out of it.

Oh God...

'Not myyyy Husband'
'Not myyyy Male friend'

There's a name for this one. 'Not My Nigel'.

I believe he's a close cousin of NAMALT.

Gingernaut that screenshot is vile. It sounds like the sad little fucker thinks that somehow that makes him important to someone! Maybe one day some woman is going to preempt an attack with a retaliation of her own. Maybe one day he will come to some grief because of his sad, vile behavior.

Steam actually coming out of my ears now. Once followed on the northern line and then onto my bus to muswell hill this was years ago nothing i said ir did worked years before mobiles but i knew the bus conductor would have helped. In the end I said if you dont leave me alone I will wipe bogie on you he didnt so I did. His facecwas a picture of disgust. But it worked.

[quote MiaChia]**@VenusTiger

And any other women who feel the need to say NAMALT. Please can you tell the rest of us, once and for all, how to spot predatory and potentially dangerous men? Do they have special tattoos? Or a particular type of haircut? Wear certain trainers? If only you would tell us we could once again step out into the world without fear. Eagerly anticipating your reply because it will be life changing. Thank you so much [/quote]
Spot On MiaChia.

@VenusTiger 's post made me hopping mad with it's sanctimonious tone. My late husband would have been horrified at the thought of molesting or scaring anyone, but he could hardly go around with a placard proclaiming that! In this world we've built, sadly it's not safe for women to assume men they encounter are from @VenusTiger's family ....

If anyone tries that on me they end up more terrified

Take a photo of him and send it to a friend. Conspicuously.

@LyndzB. I don’t think this a particularly good example. This is not normal behaviour and is more indicative of mental illness of some kind, so to label it as something that men do and ‘get a kick’ out of, is not really fair, or representative of reasoned debate.

Im sorry..but no woman is safe walking alone in a remote place by heself...I have 2 dogs ..so feell relativelhy safe.He sounds like a weirdo to me x

I think much depends on context, therefore the view that its not all men is totally valid, a generalisation and scaremongering does not help

[quote pam290358]@21BumbleBees. And you don’t think it would be damaging for women to suddenly start reporting to the police every time they perceive a mans’ behaviour as ‘off’ ? If enough reported instances turn out to be innocent thoughtlessness, the label ‘hysterical’ will rear it’s bloody ugly head again and we’ll be back where we started.[/quote]
Damaging to whom?

If men are engaging in behaviour that clearly makes someone feel uneasy or unsafe, then perhaps a chat with the police might make them think. And if they are harbouring predatory intentions, than they have been flagged up.

Men won't suffer as a result, because decent men don't exhibit this behaviour.

So take 'hysteria' off the table. If a man can't work out that doing what this guy did could appear threatening and intimidating, then he's either been living under a rock or he's doing it on purpose. Either way some police education will be useful to him.

Showed DH that screen shot.

He said he'd like to get hold of him.

He would have no intention of doing any harm. But would love to have a bit of psychological fun.

See how he likes it.

@CandyLeBonBon any police education probably isn't going to make any difference when men know they can get away with terrorising and hurting women. I've just seen this news article and we are absolutely fighting a losing battle.

Domestic abusers who strangled, bit and stalked women avoid jail www.birminghammail.co.uk/news/midlands-news/heartbreaking-failure-domestic-abusers-who-20246816

I used to walk my dog very early in the morning, before I went to work.In the dark Winter mornings, when it was pitch black and no one was about, a jogger used to insist on running up behind me, used to scare me and my dog out of our wits.Never saw or heard him approaching, just the pounding as he passed by.Often asked myself why he didn’t run on the pavement on the other side, which was empty, or even the road because there was not a single car on it.First time it happened, I screamed, he just jogged on, didn’t stop in his stride.I started varying my route because I couldn’t cope with him startling me.

I never once saw him when the clocks changed and I really wanted to see if I would feel as uneasy as I did in the dark.If I see it from his perspective, he was just out for a morning run, probably monitoring his speed, my nervousness was not his problem, but I think he was an ignorant bastard, a bit of courtesy would of been appreciated.

@pam290358 - is any of what we're talking about in this thread normal behaviour? Personally, I am tired of mental illness used as an excuse for some men to act abusively towards women.

Firstly I’m very sorry to the OP, that must of been scary for you and seeing that screenshot has made me sick to my stomach.

However,

Why is everyone giving @VenusTiger such a hard time?

Yes, we need to be wary of men, I myself like most others have been victim to sexual harassment/assault. It doesn’t mean all men are like that.

Some of my scariest harassment’s have actually been from women. I admit I do dress a bit blokeish but I’ve had several lesbians over the years not take no for an answer when I’m 100% straight and I do have several gay and trans friends, so being gay isn’t a problem to me. The problem is, It got to the point they’d go through others to find out where I lived and show up/ constantly harass me to the point I’ve felt more uncomfortable/scared than I have done with my countless times of assaults from men.

We all know that there is always going to be a threat for women against men and it’s disgusting there’s so many dirty blokes out there but any gender can easily be just as harmful! If that wasn’t the case then the majority on here wouldn’t get married or have kids if all men where sexual predators.

@LyndzB

I remember walking with my mum broad daylight into town. A man (about mid-50s) walked up behind us and barked so loudly in my mum's ear. Really shook us up. They definitely get a kick out of it.

Out walking with teen. Teen has long hair. Bloke drove past and honked horn, shouted obscenities. Teen was shocked and bewildered. "Why would someone do that?" "Because they can. They're in a vehicle, and can shout abusive shit without fear of getting caught/reprimanded.

I've had a male driver deliberately speed up to frighten me when I was crossing the road (he was metres away from me so I had plenty of time) I know it's not the same thing as stalking but it comes from the same mindset I think. It's a pleasure some men get from intimidating women. It makes them feel like they have power over them.

@RatsolutelyFabulous

Firstly I’m very sorry to the OP, that must of been scary for you and seeing that screenshot has made me sick to my stomach.

However,

Why is everyone giving @VenusTiger such a hard time?

Yes, we need to be wary of men, I myself like most others have been victim to sexual harassment/assault. It doesn’t mean all men are like that.

Some of my scariest harassment’s have actually been from women. I admit I do dress a bit blokeish but I’ve had several lesbians over the years not take no for an answer when I’m 100% straight and I do have several gay and trans friends, so being gay isn’t a problem to me. The problem is, It got to the point they’d go through others to find out where I lived and show up/ constantly harass me to the point I’ve felt more uncomfortable/scared than I have done with my countless times of assaults from men.

We all know that there is always going to be a threat for women against men and it’s disgusting there’s so many dirty blokes out there but any gender can easily be just as harmful! If that wasn’t the case then the majority on here wouldn’t get married or have kids if all men where sexual predators.

"I do dress a bit blokeish"

What does that mean? Trousers?

" but I’ve had several lesbians over the years not take no for an answer when I’m 100% straight and I do have several gay and trans friends, so being gay isn’t a problem to me."

SO you've experienced lesbians who were gits.

Still wondering about the corellation between "dressing a bit blokeish" and the behaviour you go on to complain about. Some people are assholes. That's all. How were they supposed to know you're straight? Do you wear a badge?

Am I the only one here who has never been a little bit scared by a group of gobby 16yr old (ish) girls? Get over yourselves ladies and be sensible during the day and night. As my husband and my boys do.