AIBU to say no to lending money?

[GCSEmum1]

Should probably name change for this as it's outing but meh. My best friend is a single mum of 4. She works really hard but lives week to week.

She had regularly borrowed money from me for the last year or so. She always pays it back on time but I am starting to feel like a human ATM.

This morning she messaged me "happy birthday! I will pop a card over later. Btw, could you lend me £200? I need to get car sorted and can pay you back £100 next Friday then £100 the next week. See you later! xxx"

I'm raging. DH says I should just let it go and she always pays us back so what does it matter. 

AIBU to just text back to say no, we can't lend this time?

Seriously, I'm livid!

Are you really so thick you can’t work out what people are trying to say?

No need to be rude.

PP didn't say she doesn't understand, just that it's irritating, and maybe pointing it out will help those who don't know the difference between "lend" and "borrow" as there seem to be a few on this thread.

This dynamic didn’t happen by accident, by saying no you are changing your role in the dynamic. If she pays you back every time then it sounds like she lacks contingency planning or has decided that your purse is her contingency plan.

Just say no.

No - I'd stop the gravy train - you are enabling her behaviour - as long as you are doing this she won't learn to manage her money. Assume she has family?, fathers to the children ? to help out with the responsibility.
I'd just say you aren't able to lend any more, you have some of your own pressing responsibilities to deal with.

@MintyMabel

Plus dont flame me but if you choose to have 4 children you have to acknowledge it's going to be costly. Plus where is the Dad in this ?.....

Of course I’ll flame you. Perhaps the dad died. Perhaps he ran off with another woman and pays only the bare minimum. Perhaps he was abusive and she found the strength to leave. Perhaps he was paying his share but lost his job during the pandemic. My neighbour’s husband just up and left. Completely disappeared. He’s been missing for 3 years, leaving her with 4 kids.

I assume you do understand that people’s situations can change and nobody would be shamed for that.

Then the mother of four needs to hustle harder to find a solution that doesn't involve continually mooching and using friends.

@Blueskytoday06

Plus dont flame me but if you choose to have 4 children you have to acknowledge it's going to be costly. Plus where is the Dad in this ?.....

Or multiple "dads," most likely.

Suggest she gets a credit card with small limit. If she is good at paying you back then the cc shouldn't be an issue

I'd say no. Her message was rude and insistent in my opinion. Can't she leave you to enjoy your birthday in peace without begging for loans? I would never want to be in a situation where I was regularly lending money to someone. Especially not hundreds of pounds.

Hope you had a nice birthday OP.

Have you spoken with your friend?

neither a borrower or lender be
money spoils relationships

whoops
Happy Birthday OP

YANBU.

The only thing that would make me pause is that she’s always paid you back, and you’ve never said to her before that it’s a problem- so she may well not see it as a problem if you’ve always been alright with it in the past.

As she’s got 4 children I’d be worried about just saying “no”. Would they go without food/heat etc if you couldn’t lend her the money?

I think in this situation I’d say “that’s ok, but this will be the last time I can lend to you. I you understand”.

*I hope you understand

No, it needs to stop. If she regularly needs money to tide her over she should arrange for an overdraft, not expect a friend to routinely fulfil that role.

Going to ever return OP? Lit a debate then off you went 🤔

You're pissed off with her, and I can understand it, but you need to tell her why. Quietly seething at home doesn't help anybody.

"Dear friend. I was actually quite taken aback by your message. It's a bit shit that you would ask for money in the same breath as wishing me a happy birthday. It makes me feel taken for granted, and really pretty annoyed. Can you see why that might be? I'm going to take some time out to enjoy my birthday, and will speak to you afterwards".

There, job done!

You have subconsciously trained her to rely on you op....

Ive always been quite hard headed about lending and borrowing money, especially with relations. When I was wanting to leave home and had saved up for an unfurnished flat, I didnt have enough money to furnish it properly. So I asked my (wealthy) grandmother if she would lend me the money.

I wrote out a list itemising the things I proposed to buy, and the projected cost of each item. At the bottom, along with the total, I put a note of how much I proposed to pay her back out of my salary each month, and how long it would take.

My gran looked at the list, and then offered to give me the money. I refused because it would have made me feel uncomfortable to accept such a large sum (for then) and said I preferred it to be a loan. Halfway through the repayment period she refused to accept any more and said she would be "angry and offended" if I tried to sneak it into her bank account. One did not argue with my grandmother.

However I never asked her to lend me money again, but always saved for what I wanted.

So, what happened then, @GCSEmum1?

We used to lend a friend money whenever we could. He ended up taking us for granted, and became slower and slower at paying it back.

It spoilt the friendship, for me. We're not as close now.

You've got the same birthday as my youngest 💕🥂🎉
How did you get on @GCSEmum1

Hope you said NO.

Hi all, thanks for following up with me.

I told her I felt let down that she'd used my birthday message to ask me to borrow money and said I would lend this time but no longer as I felt it was starting to spoil our friendship. I haven't heard from her since (she was due to pay it back yesterday) so sadly I think some posters may have been right. I'm going to ask her for the money back on Tuesday if it's not forthcoming.

@BRB2021

Going to ever return OP? Lit a debate then off you went 🤔

I was celebrating my birthday 🥳

@GCSEmum1 I hope she does pay you back or thsts a really shitty thing to do to a friend especially one who has helped her out so much and just after your birthday as well.

No doubt she's going to keep the money knowing it's the last time unfortunately. You should of said no but at least you told her. Hope she pays you back.