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Original poster

Do I really need to worry too much about contraception at 39?

294 replies

Estasala · 27/03/2021 02:56

I have a nearly 2 year old and another older DC. NO desire to have any more. Recently stopped breastfeeding so the contraception issue has arisen. For the past 10 years or so DH and I have only used withdrawal as a baby wouldn't have been the end of the world, or we were actively trying. The last DC was hard to come by - a couple of years of trying and a couple of miscarriages in between.

DH is willing to have the snip, but he has some other health issues and I'm just thinking ... really, do we really need to? It feels like doing something permanent to his body when realistically there is very little chance of me getting pregnant and even less as a couple more years go by, if we use withdrawal. I have never got pregnant whilst using withdrawal before now.

OP posts:
ImFree2doasiwant · 27/03/2021 10:31

I got pregnant at 38, while breastfeeding having had sex once briefly. Previously struggled to conceive.

user7593927274859 · 27/03/2021 10:32

Nope didn't miss it and don't think she's stupid. My point still stands.

isadorapolly · 27/03/2021 10:33

Actually withdrawal is a fairly reliable method if you do it properly. I remember reading about it on the broom advisory website years ago, it’s 95% effective iirc. I’ll have a look.

Cloudyrainsham · 27/03/2021 10:34

@RichardMarxisinnocent

No, it's 12m. It's 12 months if you're over 50, 24 months if under 50.
I’m almost 4 years post menopause and still use contraception 😂.
RockingMyFiftiesNot · 27/03/2021 10:37

The OP has had fertility struggles and I think a lot of people are missing that when replying as if she is stupid.

I know someone personally and have heard of others getting pregnant naturally whilst waiting for IVF after years of infertility.

SkeletonSkins · 27/03/2021 10:37

If you’ve used temping/BBT to conceive, it can also be used to avoid. I use the natural cycles app, I know when I ovulate due to my temp and avoid unprotected before/after.

TheVanguardSix · 27/03/2021 10:37

Between the ages of 38-42, I had 5 pregnancies. I delivered DD at 38 and DS2 at 42 with 3 losses in between... so again, I'm backing the majority opinion here that yes, if you REALLY do not, under any circumstances want another baby, you're playing baby Russian roulette, which is great if you're in the 'if it happens, it happens' place alongside your DH.

Because honestly OP, you're on the path towards DC3. Just saying. Grin

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 27/03/2021 10:38

A dd had a ‘surprise’ 3rd baby at nearly 43.

Just saying. Wee one is much loved but SiL has now had the snip.

I’ve read of the ‘last fling of the ovary’ in late 30s+, so unless you’d be very happy either way, please don’t trust to luck!

CounsellorTroi · 27/03/2021 10:40

@RockingMyFiftiesNot

The OP has had fertility struggles and I think a lot of people are missing that when replying as if she is stupid.

I know someone personally and have heard of others getting pregnant naturally whilst waiting for IVF after years of infertility.

And a lot of people don’t miraculously get pregnant after years of infertility. You are less likely to know/hear about them though.
Redruby2020 · 27/03/2021 10:40

@Aquamarine1029

It feels like doing something permanent to his body when realistically there is very little chance of me getting pregnant

Come on, don't be daft. Of course you need to be very, very concerned about contraception at your age. My great grandmother didn't think she had anything to worry about then got pregnant at 49, the baby born when she was 50.

😵
JosephineBaker · 27/03/2021 10:43

You'd be mad to bail on contraception.

Late pregnancies are far more likely to have problems and health risks for any resulting offspring. As many PP have said, your fertility goes on a wild ride on the way menopause. Don't risk it.

ClarkeGriffin · 27/03/2021 10:44

You really need to let him get the snip if you want no more children since you're both clearly against using any other form of contraception yet don't want more kids.

If you don't bother doing anything, don't come back complaining that you got pregnant. It will be entirely your own fault and not an accident baby. You've got options, you won't use them, so not an accident, just stupidity.

Redruby2020 · 27/03/2021 10:45

@Estasala

'I can't use hormonal contraception'

Neither can I, but was still told about the coil I think there is literally one type that doesn't have any hormone in it, and I didn't fancy that either. But could be an option for you if you think it's something you would be okay with.
I am surprised re the withdrawal method, in terms of using it that long, especially where a man is concerned, they aren't usually fond of doing that for obvious reasons, so well done with that lol.

notacooldad · 27/03/2021 10:46

I'm still worried about contraception and I am in my 50's!
My periods come same time every month and I have a two aunties that had children in their mid 50's. Admittedly those children are the same age as me now but I'm not taking any chances!!

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 27/03/2021 10:55

And a lot of people don’t miraculously get pregnant after years of infertility. You are less likely to know/hear about them though.

Yes I agree with that. Boils down to whether OP is happy to continue taking even a tiny chance . I wouldn't have personally because I didn't want any more children at 39.

TeaSoakedDisasterMagnet · 27/03/2021 10:55

Your fertility failing after 35 is a myth, and before menopause you actually become more fertile due to your hormones giving it one last push. So yes, you need to worry about contraception.

Taking a long time to become pregnant does not equal infertile, if you’ve managed pregnancies without medical intervention you can become pregnant at any age up to menopause.

Nanny0gg · 27/03/2021 10:56

@Estasala

Thanks for the recommendations about the copper coil. I will look into that again. Periods are already very heavy so I don't know how I'd cope if they got any heavier! I think that's why I had discounted it in the past. I'd prefer condons personally. Ahh, I need to talk to him again.
If he's willing to have the snip I really don't understand your objections.

You've been through pregnancy and childbirth. Much riskier

BikeRunSki · 27/03/2021 10:59

Well I conceived dd (purposefully) with no effort at all at 40.... she was at nursery with several unplanned thirds, born to mothers in their early 40s.

CounsellorTroi · 27/03/2021 10:59

Your fertility failing after 35 is a myth, and before menopause you actually become more fertile due to your hormones giving it one last push.

Some women perhaps. Didn’t work for me! Do you think a doctor would tell a woman she has more chance of getting pregnant the longer she leaves it?

isadorapolly · 27/03/2021 11:02

I had a look and could t find anything on the brook website but did find something saying it’s about 80% effective, which isn’t great if you really don’t want another baby.

I do wonder about those years where you are still young enough to get pregnant but perhaps the age where you don’t want babies anymore, I dont know why but the idea of contraception at 45-50 seems strange Shock it’s not something we really talk about is it?

What about sterilisation op? That’s my plan! I’m on baby number 8 though!

TeaSoakedDisasterMagnet · 27/03/2021 11:08

@CounsellorTroi no I don’t think that, and I would never say that myself. I have a fertility issue, so I know how hard it is waiting time after time.

However, in a healthy population of women with no previous fertility issues, studies show that pre menopausal women do have a surge in fertility and that for healthy women with no fertility issues, the age of 35 isn’t the fertility cliff that has been suggested in the past.

I’m hoping personally that as I age that fertility surge will help me to get and stay pregnant!

Original poster
Estasala · 27/03/2021 11:14

www.fpv.org.au/for-you/i-dont-want-to-get-pregnant/contraception-without-hormones/withdrawal-method-pulling-out

Correct withdrawal is 96% effective according to this family planning clinic!

OP posts:
JaninaDuszejko · 27/03/2021 11:16

I have 3DC. All conceived the first month of trying when I was 36, 38 and 41. Don't take the risk, I have lots of friends who have got pregnant in their 40s.

I do wonder about those years where you are still young enough to get pregnant but perhaps the age where you don’t want babies anymore, I dont know why but the idea of contraception at 45-50 seems strange shock it’s not something we really talk about is it?

I'm now 50, still have regular periods and no sign of the menopause (haven't tried to get pregnant since DS though). I have a copper coil which I love, and lots of my friend's DHs have had the snip. No-one talks about it because by your 40s most people know which contraception they like, it's not a new thing

maddiemookins16mum · 27/03/2021 11:18

Hmmmm, let me just ask my 16 year old DD, conceived after too much white port in Lisbon on my 40th birthday.

thelightishere · 27/03/2021 11:19

I fell pregnant with twins - at 40 - after unprotected sex ONCE. Use contraception!

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