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Original poster

Do I really need to worry too much about contraception at 39?

294 replies

Estasala · 27/03/2021 02:56

I have a nearly 2 year old and another older DC. NO desire to have any more. Recently stopped breastfeeding so the contraception issue has arisen. For the past 10 years or so DH and I have only used withdrawal as a baby wouldn't have been the end of the world, or we were actively trying. The last DC was hard to come by - a couple of years of trying and a couple of miscarriages in between.

DH is willing to have the snip, but he has some other health issues and I'm just thinking ... really, do we really need to? It feels like doing something permanent to his body when realistically there is very little chance of me getting pregnant and even less as a couple more years go by, if we use withdrawal. I have never got pregnant whilst using withdrawal before now.

OP posts:
Walkaround · 27/03/2021 10:08

I know several people of my mother’s generation who had accidental pregnancies in their mid-40s. The thing with the withdrawal method is that it has a high failure rate and previous issues with conception do not guarantee future sterility! All you know is, your fertility is unpredictable and you are getting towards an age when it will become still more unpredictable, so you would be exceptionally foolish to take the risk if a middle aged pregnancy would be an unwelcome disaster for you.

Gladimnotcampinginthisweather · 27/03/2021 10:09

Aren't you supposed to go two years without a period before you are considered 'safe'? I got to 23 months and then mine randomly started up again (although not for long).

nancywhitehead · 27/03/2021 10:11

I think you know the answer to this, cos Biology.

If you're still having periods, you can get pregnant.

So if you don't use contraception then you might get pregnant. It depends how much it would bother you if you had either another baby, a miscarriage, or an abortion. If you don't want any of those things then you will need to take measures.

dreamingbohemian · 27/03/2021 10:13

I think the OP is right about mixed messages though

I'm 49. If I started a thread saying I wanted to get pregnant, I'd have a whole thread of people telling me I've left it too late, it would be a complete miracle, forget about it.

If I started a thread saying I wanted to stop using contraception, then it's the whole world having babies into their fifties.

(I still use contraception)

ApplesPearsAndCrumble · 27/03/2021 10:14

Yes I had problems getting my pill prescription renewed at the start of lockdown.(GP shut up shop. Would not renew without taking my BP and would not allow me to come in for it to be taken Hmm So I had about 11 months with no pill at all and no period. Then I started up again randomly and am now on the pill again because I finally lost patience with my GP and wrote a letter of complaint.

Gladimnotcampinginthisweather · 27/03/2021 10:16

My 'surprise' is 26 and is high functioning autistic. He also has a heart defect and in the days when we still took him to cardiology appointments it was noticeable that most of the other partents were older. All anecdotal of course, but the risks are higher in older parents, as others have said.

dreamingbohemian · 27/03/2021 10:17

OP why won't he use condoms? It doesn't sound like you've asked him.

It would be really really foolish to continue with withdrawal because HE doesn't want to use condoms. He's not the one who would get pregnant.

VanGoghsDog · 27/03/2021 10:17

You say you can't have hormonal contraception, but why is that?

I can't take the combined pill (migraines), nor progesterone only pill due to an allergy. And was advised due to this that I couldn't use the patches or injection. But I am fine with the Merina coil, it's a far lower dose of progesterone, and it's a different type than the other methods.

So depending on the reason you can't have hormones it might be worth looking into.

And there's also the cap?

MrsWooster · 27/03/2021 10:18

My children were born when I was ;3 and 46. 4th month of trying with both, no medical /ivf type intervention at all. Older bodies can indeed have a series of last hurrahs and you would be taking a huge risk. I can, otoh, recommend the copper coil-stood me in good stead for most of the years prior to 42 as I can’t do hormonal contraception either.

VanGoghsDog · 27/03/2021 10:18

@Gladimnotcampinginthisweather

Aren't you supposed to go two years without a period before you are considered 'safe'? I got to 23 months and then mine randomly started up again (although not for long).
No, it's 12m.
RockingMyFiftiesNot · 27/03/2021 10:19

I know lots of people who have become pregnant both through choice and accidentally in their 40s.
You've been really lucky so far if you have been relying on breastfeeding/withdrawal method.
Any pregnancy has potential risks for women, more so when older. And most people I know have had some sort of lasting effects ( not all serious but lasting nonetheless). You need to balance that against the risks you think your DH has with a vasectomy under a local anaesthetic.

sangrias · 27/03/2021 10:21

15 years withdrawal method from late teens to 30s. Worked for me.

I'd just continue or use condoms if I was in your shoes tbh. But I suppose that's because it's clear that DP&I (same partner all that time) don't conceive as easily as pre cum alone else it would have happened already.

RichardMarxisinnocent · 27/03/2021 10:21

No, it's 12m.
It's 12 months if you're over 50, 24 months if under 50.

Original poster
Estasala · 27/03/2021 10:21

@ApplesPearsAndCrumble

Welcome. :) (I used to work in the procurement of contraceptive commodities so DH and I used to try out everything. Flavoured condoms were a hit with him- less so with me) ;)
Ha! I think I once used one of by accident ...
OP posts:
caringcarer · 27/03/2021 10:21

One of my friends has two sons of 14 and 11. She got pregnant unexpectedly at 42 as she thought as he was going through menopause she was safe. What in fact happens is you become more fertile as your body flings out your last eggs and sometimes more than one per month as my friend found out. She got pregnant and with twins at 42 and she did not realise until 12 weeks or so. She thought she had a tummy bug when she was sick several days. Only when her waste began to thicken did she think possibly pregnant. These twins are now 7 but her DH went for snip whist she was pregnant with them. Don't take the risk.

TurquoiseDragon · 27/03/2021 10:22

@Gladimnotcampinginthisweather

Aren't you supposed to go two years without a period before you are considered 'safe'? I got to 23 months and then mine randomly started up again (although not for long).
My doctor told me it's two years if you're under the age of 50, and 1 year if over 50.
Original poster
Estasala · 27/03/2021 10:22

@ApplesPearsAndCrumble

Welcome. :) (I used to work in the procurement of contraceptive commodities so DH and I used to try out everything. Flavoured condoms were a hit with him- less so with me) ;)
Very interesting BTW - you should do an AMA!!
OP posts:
Rainbowsandstorms · 27/03/2021 10:22

The one and only question for me would be if you accidentally got pregnant would you keep the baby? If not use contraception and save yourself the heartbreak of a termination.

Cloudyrainsham · 27/03/2021 10:23

We’re you using breastfeeding as contraception before?

I was exclusively breast feeding my 4 month old, my periods hadn’t returned and I got pregnant with my third child.

I wouldn’t chance using withdrawal as contraception. Your age is irrelevant.

user7593927274859 · 27/03/2021 10:25

Plenty of women with fertility struggles in their late 30s would be quite upset reading the title of your thread.

Cloudyrainsham · 27/03/2021 10:27

@SerenadeOfTheSchoolRun

Breastfeeding works if all of the following applies: Less than 6 months after the birth Periods not returned Exclusively breastfeeding including night feeds

Of course the end of that time could be gradual as the baby sleeps longer so hard to judge, but when all three conditions are met it is as effective as other forms of contraception. No method is 100%.

I got pregnant when my baby was 4 months old. She was exclusively breast feed and fed through the night still. My periods hadn’t returned either. To too it all we don’t even remember DTD. Definitely not 100%!
HappyAsASandboy · 27/03/2021 10:28

I am currently feeding a baby that was conceived five months after DH had a vasectomy, while I was still on the pill (waiting for the required "all clears" from the vasectomy).

If you don't want a baby, use protection. If you recall don't want a baby, use two methods. Accept that if you're having sex, then even two methods might not prevent a baby.

MummytoCSJH · 27/03/2021 10:28

@user7593927274859

Plenty of women with fertility struggles in their late 30s would be quite upset reading the title of your thread.
The OP has had fertility struggles and I think a lot of people are missing that when replying as if she is stupid.
VanGoghsDog · 27/03/2021 10:31

@RichardMarxisinnocent

No, it's 12m. It's 12 months if you're over 50, 24 months if under 50.
Ah, OK, that's interesting. I am over 50, but still having stupid periods.
nokidshere · 27/03/2021 10:31

What you also have to remember is that towards the end of your fertile years your body tends to go into overdrive and chuck out as many eggs as possible. Multiple pregnancies are more common Ha ha, yes. I got pregnant out of the blue at 41 after years and years of infertility.

Me too! Twice! After 18yrs of ttc and never having been pregnant before.