Do I really need to worry too much about contraception at 39?

[Estasala]

I have a nearly 2 year old and another older DC. NO desire to have any more. Recently stopped breastfeeding so the contraception issue has arisen. For the past 10 years or so DH and I have only used withdrawal as a baby wouldn't have been the end of the world, or we were actively trying. The last DC was hard to come by - a couple of years of trying and a couple of miscarriages in between.

DH is willing to have the snip, but he has some other health issues and I'm just thinking ... really, do we really need to? It feels like doing something permanent to his body when realistically there is very little chance of me getting pregnant and even less as a couple more years go by, if we use withdrawal. I have never got pregnant whilst using withdrawal before now.

Yeah but it really doesn’t change anything - unless you’d be happy enough to have a third (or a third and fourth), you can’t really on anecdotal evidence to say ‘it will be fine’. That’s not how it works. As others have said, fair enough if another baby wouldn’t be a disaster, but if you really don’t want to get pregnant again you need to take proper, reliable contraception, not just hope that it’s not going to happen.

lloydspharmacy.com/blogs/womens-health/female-condom

@AnneLovesGilbert

You seem more worried about him having a vasectomy than he is OP. Do you know why?

Hmm this is probably a very good question that I need to reflect on. Thank you.

I am never sure why female condoms are not more popular. IME used properly they are even less likely to break than male condoms because they are not tightly strung, so to speak. But as I said they do squeak!

@CoalCraft

Eh? Lots of people conceive naturally on their 40s I knew someone who thought she no longer had to worry about contraception... She naturally conceived twins at 44!

Me too! Unfortunately both the twins also have (different SEN) - common with children born to older mothers.

I still use contraception at 52 and definitely peri menopausal.

We use condoms as I don’t want to use hormonal contraception and we were both denied sterilisation.

The reason why women find it difficult to have babies over forty is more to do with the increased miscarriage rate than it is to do with difficulty getting pregnant in the first place. Relying on that for contraception in your circumstances can be traumatic.

@ApplesPearsAndCrumble

I am never sure why female condoms are not more popular. IME used properly they are even less likely to break than male condoms because they are not tightly strung, so to speak. But as I said they do squeak!

Worth a try! Thank you

My friend’s parents never wanted children and when they reached their 40s they didn’t think they had to worry anymore. They were 44 and 45 when she was born . You’re 39, of course you can still get pregnant. It’s an issue until you reach menopause and your periods fully end.

Welcome. :) (I used to work in the procurement of contraceptive commodities so DH and I used to try out everything. Flavoured condoms were a hit with him- less so with me) ;)

My brother was born when my mum was 41 and my sister got pregnant with her first child using the withdrawal method. If you would be happy to have another child then that's fine but if not you should be looking at your options for contraception.

I took 2 years to conceive DC 1 from 34-36, I assumes decreasing fertility At 38 I conceived twins the first time I had unprotected sex...mine both have SEN too... the risks DO go up...

OP you can't let him decide to constantly put you at risk of being pregnant, if you either do not want another baby or an abortion. Him not wanting to wear condoms is his choice. But not using the withdrawal method is your choice too. Just because he is shrugging his shoulders and carrying on regardless is not an answer. What would he expect happens if you did get pregnant. There have been previous posts of people using this 'method' and the blokes freaking out when the woman won't 'just' go and get an abortion when they knew she was against abortion. How anyone with sense think breastfeeding or withdrawal are safe methods I despair.

Don't be daft! I'm in my early 40s, only have one tube (due to ruptured ectopic) and would definitely not take the risk. A good friend of mine, similar age, recently found out she is pregnant.
Unless you don't mind another child soon after your first then you need to use contraception until you know for certain you definitely can't get pregnant

You do need some method of contraception unless a third would be a welcome but unplanned surprise. I can't imagine the withdrawal method is the most satisfying sex for your DH...I certainly wouldn't want it for or ask for it from mine longterm. Whatever health issues he has may not be at all impacted by vasectomy op (local anaesthetic) so he can speak with his GP about any risks & decide. If that is not an option, what about coil etc. You could be fertile (even if diminishing) up to mid-50s...so whatever about a surprise now...it could be a shocker in 10+ years. Don't take the risk...

A lady I work with had her 'last child' at 40. Just after her 46th birthday she had a baby boy. She thought she'd hit the menopause so didn't need to worry about contraception....

why cant you have a copper coil?

Yes definitely. I was older than you in mid-forties, five years post chemo, needing to move from Tamoxifen to Arimadex for which you must be post-menopausal. I’d assumed I was because of no periods for four years. They test twice before prescribing.
I arrived for second test and there was no request form. A quick call to medical secretary found a letter that had gone astray telling me I couldn’t change drugs as I was not yet considered post-menopausal.

Use contraception or have another pregnancy. Choice is yours.

Many a baby has arrived in a woman’s forties. If you don’t want a baby then do something about it. If you half wish to have one then carry on in a way that suits you.

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Yes you do. I’m 48 and went through the menopause two years ago... no periods for two years and I am now 32 weeks pregnant!!! No kidding. First child, an unexpected miracle and we are thrilled. It’s hard on my body though. Luckily I look about 10 years younger and so haven’t had too many surprised looks.

I’m mid forties and we don’t use contraception and haven’t for a number of years. We avoid piv during ovulation and withdraw at other times. I wouldn’t recommend if a pregnancy would be a disaster.
I’m not trying to get pregnant, but it wouldn’t be the worst thing if it happened and we are comfortable with the risk.

Had my youngest at 42 (planned), no one raised an eyebrow - I think I remember the mw saying she had a 48 year old on her books. I remember a poster on the wall at baby clinic saying "if you are in your 40s and don't want more children use contraception!"

I would say if you were 49 and still having periods be careful let alone 39.

I have had multiple losses it doesn't mean you won't conceive.

I got pregnant 4 times after the age of 40 (last time at 45), each time within the first month of trying...

I got pregnant on the pill at 38 so yes!!!! Get a mirena coil. Best thing I have ever done

At the other end of the spectrum DH and I had unprotected sex for 20 years prior to my menopause and never conceived. Some women are less fertile than others.

I know a couple of women who had a surprise baby in early 40s assuming they were past it. Really depends on how you'd feel about it. For me it would be a disaster, like you can't use hormones, my dh won't have snip so we use condoms, never failed yet, if they did I'd have an abortion, I wish dh would have snip as I absolutely can't do another pregnancy. No contraceptive is 100% I guess but I wouldn't be happy with withdrawal myself.