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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want partner having kids here when they're ill?

981 replies

Whereso · 26/03/2021 11:50

Because I'm vulnerable, pregnant in my first trimester after two losses and feel like crap as it is.

They come for their tea twice a week and stay over every other weekend.

His ex had the decency to let him know in advance that they weren't well but he failed to mention that to me and brought them here anyway, they weren't due to stay over and were just coming for tea so he could've easily taken them to the park or picked up a McDonald's/burger king.

Low and behold I've caught whatever it is and have a temp so will need to be tested for covid now, if only to rule it out.

AIBU to be pissed off with him?

OP posts:
TrustTheGeneGenie · 28/03/2021 21:30

@Pomp

Does the same person keep name changing and posting the same rubbish??? Or does nobody actually read the thread properly...
It's like people think it's really clever to "catch" the op out by saying "ha! What would you do if it was your own child" like it's the same, but instead it just makes the poster look a bit silly doesn't it?

It's ridiculous and I can't understand how people think it's an intelligent, helpful or useful thing to say?

TrustTheGeneGenie · 28/03/2021 21:32

@Bumblebee1980a

You have to put yourself in his position. Would you refuse to bring your children home because they were poorly?

I know I wouldn't for a fact.

It's. Not. Her. Child.

The. Child. Doesn't. Live. There.

What harm is going to come to the child if they have one extra tea at their mums? And swap the day?

Ooh I'm gonna say nothing.

What's the worst that could happen to the op if she catches covid? Do we think that might be worse than nothing at all?

blackrimmedspecs · 28/03/2021 21:36

She didn't say not see them, she said take them out or to the park, all you people telling her she's being unreasonable would be the first to get on about covid rule breakers, she should have the choice not to expose herself and pregnancy to more risk, even if she is an evil step mum, come on mumsnet, get a grip.

LucieStar · 28/03/2021 21:45

It's like people think it's really clever to "catch" the op out by saying "ha! What would you do if it was your own child" like it's the same, but instead it just makes the poster look a bit silly doesn't it?

I too hate this comparison. It's irrelevant.

LucieStar · 28/03/2021 21:47

What harm is going to come to the child if they have one extra tea at their mums? And swap the day?

Lifetime trauma. Therapy, the lot. Apparently.

Hmm
Butwasitherdriveway · 28/03/2021 21:51

@TrustTheGeneGenie

I agree with you in defending OP, but we need to stop with the it's not her child. You're either a blended family or you're not.

TrustTheGeneGenie · 28/03/2021 21:54

[quote Butwasitherdriveway]@TrustTheGeneGenie

I agree with you in defending OP, but we need to stop with the it's not her child. You're either a blended family or you're not.[/quote]
Well it's her child or its not, and well, it's not is it.

A step child is a step child not a child. It can still be a lovely relationship, work as a blended family without pretending that having a step child is the same as having your own child.

99% of the time it's not.

Let's start with the big differences

  1. The child has two parents, neither of whom are you.
  2. The child does not live with you.
  3. You have no legal responsibility towards the child.
  4. You have no financial responsibility towards the child.
  5. You have no say (or little say) in the child's life, including important bits such as schooling, health, behaviour etc.

Shall we carry on or is it clear now why it's a totally different kettle of fish?

billy1966 · 28/03/2021 21:57

Its NOT a blended family.

She's the father's girlfriend, and if she gas any sense she will stay very casual with him.

He's a selfish twat.

The OP doesn't have step children.
She isn't a step mother.

That was made very clear to her.

Her boyfriend is livimg in HER house.

Her boyfriend has children.

The OP is having a baby which she needs to absolutely put first and way ahead of any other children.

Just like the waster boyfriend does with his Ex the children he shares.

He didn't have the decency to pass on the children were sick, therefore causing this upset.

Poor OP.

Butwasitherdriveway · 28/03/2021 21:58

@billy1966

Its NOT a blended family.

She's the father's girlfriend, and if she gas any sense she will stay very casual with him.

He's a selfish twat.

The OP doesn't have step children.
She isn't a step mother.

That was made very clear to her.

Her boyfriend is livimg in HER house.

Her boyfriend has children.

The OP is having a baby which she needs to absolutely put first and way ahead of any other children.

Just like the waster boyfriend does with his Ex the children he shares.

He didn't have the decency to pass on the children were sick, therefore causing this upset.

Poor OP.

Erm.......

Wow.

Youseethethingis · 28/03/2021 22:05

*Erm.......

Wow.*
What’s “wow”? That was a fairly concise summary of the facts.

Butwasitherdriveway · 28/03/2021 22:06

@Youseethethingis

*Erm.......

Wow.*
What’s “wow”? That was a fairly concise summary of the facts.

They're not a blended family no?
TrustTheGeneGenie · 28/03/2021 22:08

@Youseethethingis

*Erm.......

Wow.*
What’s “wow”? That was a fairly concise summary of the facts.

I'm not sure facts is the word I would use?
Youseethethingis · 28/03/2021 22:09

They're not a blended family no?
OP has stated that she has been told by her DP that’s she’s not a step mum to his children, so no they are not a blended family.

Butwasitherdriveway · 28/03/2021 22:10

@Youseethethingis

They're not a blended family no? OP has stated that she has been told by her DP that’s she’s not a step mum to his children, so no they are not a blended family.
Oh. Is it marriage that makes you blended then?

Or is it , I don't know. , Having a child who is now those childrens half brother?!

stackemhigh · 28/03/2021 22:10

@Butwasitherdriveway how can they be a blended family when OP is being told she is just a girlfriend and not a step-mother?

Butwasitherdriveway · 28/03/2021 22:10

[quote stackemhigh]@Butwasitherdriveway how can they be a blended family when OP is being told she is just a girlfriend and not a step-mother?[/quote]
The child.

TrustTheGeneGenie · 28/03/2021 22:11

[quote stackemhigh]@Butwasitherdriveway how can they be a blended family when OP is being told she is just a girlfriend and not a step-mother?[/quote]
I mean, he brings his children to stay at her house with their half sibling. Pretty blended.

He does sound a twat though in all fairness.

stackemhigh · 28/03/2021 22:11

Baby isn't even born and they can't be a blended family if DP doesn't see OP as family to his kids.

Butwasitherdriveway · 28/03/2021 22:12

@stackemhigh

Baby isn't even born and they can't be a blended family if DP doesn't see OP as family to his kids.
Oh.

So baby matters sometimes but not others. Cool.

Butwasitherdriveway · 28/03/2021 22:12

I don't disagree genie, but posters claiming they're not now a blended family are being absolutely ridiculous.

Youseethethingis · 28/03/2021 22:13

*Oh. Is it marriage that makes you blended then?

Or is it , I don't know. , Having a child who is now those childrens half brother?!*

I didn’t mention marriage and I don’t actually think it’s relevant to how a blended family functions or not. OP has been told she’s not a step mother, and they are not her step children. Any number of combinations of half siblings won’t just magically create a blended family.

TrustTheGeneGenie · 28/03/2021 22:16

@Butwasitherdriveway

I don't disagree genie, but posters claiming they're not now a blended family are being absolutely ridiculous.
Yes I agree. I don't think he gets to declare they're not a blended family when he has a baby with her and other kids who visit the house she owns and he lives in tbh. They are whether he likes it or not, and tbh I'd be telling him in no uncertain terms if he's unwilling to "blend" then he can find somewhere else to have contact with his kids.

He's having his cake and eating it isn't he? Selfish git.

Butwasitherdriveway · 28/03/2021 22:16

@Youseethethingis

*Oh. Is it marriage that makes you blended then?

Or is it , I don't know. , Having a child who is now those childrens half brother?!*

I didn’t mention marriage and I don’t actually think it’s relevant to how a blended family functions or not. OP has been told she’s not a step mother, and they are not her step children. Any number of combinations of half siblings won’t just magically create a blended family.

Are you aware what makes someone a step mother?
Hells74 · 28/03/2021 22:18

This reply has been deleted

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Butwasitherdriveway · 28/03/2021 22:19

@Hells74

Oh you're one of those step mothers!! I hope your OH continues to stick up for his children and not let you dictate when he can be a father!
She isn't a step mother