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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want partner having kids here when they're ill?

981 replies

Whereso · 26/03/2021 11:50

Because I'm vulnerable, pregnant in my first trimester after two losses and feel like crap as it is.

They come for their tea twice a week and stay over every other weekend.

His ex had the decency to let him know in advance that they weren't well but he failed to mention that to me and brought them here anyway, they weren't due to stay over and were just coming for tea so he could've easily taken them to the park or picked up a McDonald's/burger king.

Low and behold I've caught whatever it is and have a temp so will need to be tested for covid now, if only to rule it out.

AIBU to be pissed off with him?

OP posts:
TrustTheGeneGenie · 28/03/2021 18:08

@jellybellybanana

It is her home, and by definition they visit but op has said how she feels about them several times and hey you've completely ignored that haven't you

On the contrary, I have actually paid attention to what she said. It appears you have not though.

Ok then let's have some quotes that she thinks they are optional extras and will say no to them coming all the time?
TrustTheGeneGenie · 28/03/2021 18:10

@jellybellybanana

Your bias and bitterness is so blatantly obvious. Why don't you focus on your own problems instead of taking them out on op?

They are? Wow, they are so blatantly obvious that I don't even know I have them?
What am I bitter about then...if it's so obvious you can explain it to me. Do tell me what my problems are?

Youre clearly bitter about something related to step parenting. Ex wife? Unhappy step child?

You denying there is a issue... I mean come on

jellybellybanana · 28/03/2021 18:14

You denying there is a issue... I mean come on

You tell me, apparently it couldn't be more obvious.

TrustTheGeneGenie · 28/03/2021 18:18

@jellybellybanana

You denying there is a issue... I mean come on

You tell me, apparently it couldn't be more obvious.

You're denying piling on step mums is an issue....

It clearly is an issue as evidenced by this thread and many many other, and yet you're denying it... Why?

jellybellybanana · 28/03/2021 18:20

It clearly is an issue as evidenced by this thread and many many other, and yet you're denying it... Why?

It isn't evidenced by this thread or others, that was literally my point. It's YOUR bias that makes you think people are being mean to stepmothers rather than pointing out where stepmothers happen to be unreasonable.

You're clearly one of the people I was talking about, unable to bear any criticism of SM. What's YOUR issues? What's YOUR bias?

TrustTheGeneGenie · 28/03/2021 18:24

@jellybellybanana

It clearly is an issue as evidenced by this thread and many many other, and yet you're denying it... Why?

It isn't evidenced by this thread or others, that was literally my point. It's YOUR bias that makes you think people are being mean to stepmothers rather than pointing out where stepmothers happen to be unreasonable.

You're clearly one of the people I was talking about, unable to bear any criticism of SM. What's YOUR issues? What's YOUR bias?

It clearly IS evidenced by this thread and anyone with half a brain can recognise that.

She's not being unreasonable. People are saying she's unreasonable (and many other things) based solely on her being a step mother.

Made obvious of all he cries of "but you wouldn't do it if it was your own child" as if the two are in any way comparable.

It is not my bias. It is obvious. Your denial is absolutely bizarre.

It's not just me that's noticed the hatred either, so have many other posters. Some of them not step mother's. Explain that?

My issues are posters like you denying there is an issue when there clearly is and has been for a very long time.

I can very much take criticism of step parents when it is fair, warranted, constructive and not just plain vile or fucking stupid.

If a step parent is doing something I feel is unreasonable I have absolutely no issues with saying that. However on this occasion, she's not unreasonable. She's worried. She's suffered a lot of loss. She's sensible.

Mittens030869 · 28/03/2021 18:32

The OP has been very reasonable. This appears to be the first time she’s been reluctant to have her DSCs there. She’s also still happy for her DP to see them, so she isn’t trying to make him choose between her and her unborn child and his existing DC.

Also, unlike a lot of stepmums, she isn’t attempting to point score against the DCs’ mum. She speaks very highly about her. And she would actually have been happy to keep her DCs at home. It was the DP who refused. He’s the one who doesn’t come out of this well.

The key thing is to get the DSCs tested for Covid, so they can know one way or the other.

MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 28/03/2021 18:34

He rarely sees them as it is. Of course he should have them. Hmm

Pomp · 28/03/2021 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Tillytwilight · 28/03/2021 19:45

It’s their home too!! Of course they’ll be coming over on their usual days. If you didn’t want the inconvenience of step children, you should have chosen a different DP!!

thatsgotit · 28/03/2021 19:45

@MobyDicksTinyCanoe

He rarely sees them as it is. Of course he should have them. Hmm
RTFT FFS.
thatsgotit · 28/03/2021 19:46

^ and that goes for you too @Tillytwilight

TrustTheGeneGenie · 28/03/2021 19:50

@Tillytwilight

It’s their home too!! Of course they’ll be coming over on their usual days. If you didn’t want the inconvenience of step children, you should have chosen a different DP!!
Oh stfu
Youseethethingis · 28/03/2021 20:19

If you didn’t want the inconvenience of step children, you should have chosen a different DP!
If he didn’t want the inconvenience of a partner wanting to be treated with some basic care and consideration he should have stayed single.

Tillytwilight · 28/03/2021 20:28

@TrustTheGeneGenie no thanks, we’re all entitled to opinions

Pomp · 28/03/2021 20:30

@MobyDicksTinyCanoe

He rarely sees them as it is. Of course he should have them. Hmm
I’ll rephrase... moronic
TrustTheGeneGenie · 28/03/2021 20:30

[quote Tillytwilight]@TrustTheGeneGenie no thanks, we’re all entitled to opinions[/quote]
Yes I suppose you're entitled to make yourself look ignorant and a bit dim.

cherrytreesa · 28/03/2021 20:53

jellybellybanana

It's not mixing unneccesarily and children going to both parents homes is not driving Covid numbers up. Nice try though

Of course its not a one off. Every sniffle, every little thing, OP will want them to not come. She sees the children as optional extras that she can say no to. Her house is hers, not theirs. She said so

Eh you can't just say blatant lies. What are you doing? Another one here who sees your bitterness.

LucieStar · 28/03/2021 20:54

If he didn’t want the inconvenience of a partner wanting to be treated with some basic care and consideration he should have stayed single.

Yep.

LucieStar · 28/03/2021 20:54

@cherrytreesa

jellybellybanana

It's not mixing unneccesarily and children going to both parents homes is not driving Covid numbers up. Nice try though

Of course its not a one off. Every sniffle, every little thing, OP will want them to not come. She sees the children as optional extras that she can say no to. Her house is hers, not theirs. She said so

Eh you can't just say blatant lies. What are you doing? Another one here who sees your bitterness.

Another one who also sees it.

Bananahana · 28/03/2021 21:02

You’re in danger of sounding like a mean step mother, illness comes with the territory of children. If you get pregnant a second child will you be banishing this first child to a different part of the home during that pregnancy?

Pomp · 28/03/2021 21:04

Does the same person keep name changing and posting the same rubbish??? Or does nobody actually read the thread properly...

Bumblebee1980a · 28/03/2021 21:21

You have to put yourself in his position. Would you refuse to bring your children home because they were poorly?

I know I wouldn't for a fact.

Bumblebee1980a · 28/03/2021 21:23

Also my DS has a cough and a cold atm. He's had it for a week now and his dad and I are totally fine.

georgarina · 28/03/2021 21:29

I would say they definitely have to come and he has to see his kids.

But your DH could have told you if he knew you were nervous and made sure you could have stayed out of the way.

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