To ask if you’ve been harassed, assaulted, abused, or raped or in any way by men?

[TrialOfStyle]

YANBU - you have been (in ways described below or beyond)
YABU - you have not been (in ways described below or beyond)

It’s just a quick show of hands, really, as I know some people are skeptical of the recent polls.

Obviously it’s entirely up to you to define this but harassment I would consider anything from (but not limited to) catcalling, unwanted comments (in virtue of your looks/body/attractiveness (yes, being told to smile) femininity, negative parenting as a mother and not just as a parent, or in some way negative biology of woman), stalking, persistence when you’ve already said no.

Assault - physic or verbal.

Abuse - emotional, physical, mental or sexual

Rape - including (but I consented to x but he did y)

I have had everything from the above (which is why my list includes it, but I certainly have miss r so things. However I’d be interested in the poll to see the responses).

Ps - before it’s ask, I’m clearly not a journalist or someone being toady (go ahead and advance search). I’m just curious to see how to polls align.

Yes. All of them some from my own family.
It made me realize that I do not like or trust men in general and I make exceptions for some that I have gotten to know well over time.

Yes, only I didn't realise at the time (13) that the older boy's behaviour was wrong.

I am a white middle class woman. I have been sexually assaulted as a child by a random man in a park. I was groomed age 16 by a policeman who was involved with my local youth group who befriended me and was lovely and nice and fun- then tried groped me and got me drunk in order to try to get off with me. I have had men comment on my breasts since the age of 11. I was recently felt up at work by an elderly patient. I didnt report it. I was too ashamed and felt awful for his wife if she’d found out.

All of the above including being stalked. The police had to get involved. I was a waitress and got verbally or physically abused almost every working night. On busy weekends where they all got a bit leary, very often bouncers had to kick them out.

Never raped and not stalked, but yes to most of the others: sexual assault, groped, harassment in and out of work, catcalling I'd lost count on before I left my teens - both 'whoooaar' and 'urgh fat slag' make up your fucking minds

Followed down roads by strangers, followed by a man who simply couldn't believe I'd turned him down --found a policeman and asked them to stop him following me for 2 minutes and I'd disappear into the London crowds, just let me have a head start.'

My DDs are getting to the age it started at for me. I alternate between despair and rage.

Flashers, dirty phone call pest, dodgy doctor, rape x 2 plus plenty of other harassment

Harassment, yes, far too many times to count. I was talking to my elder son recently and told him, truthfully, that every time I went to a nightclub (in my younger days, although that includes up to mid thirties) I would be groped in some way. Also as a waitress- bottom smacked or pinched etc.

I was sexually abused by a close male relative, when I was 10.

Stalked. And raped by the stalker (an ex boyfriend) who climbed through my bedroom window to do it.

Yes.
I was stalked as a teenager
I was sexually assaulted by my boss in a store cupboard at work.
I was raped by my then boyfriend who was also mentally and physically abusive.
My ex husband was extremely controlling.
My brother has physically broken my bones on more than one occasion (one time he threw me out of an open window onto a flat roof and then my mother told me I was unreasonable in then refusing to lend him my car anymore because she would ‘have to’ drive him to work. So I let him keep it).

My daughters are both under 20 and have both been physically assaulted and mentally abused by boys.

All of the above

A friend was raped by her then husband and managed to record him admitting to it and apologising. it was played in family court as part of child protection proceedings.

The judge ruled against her and granted him unsupervised contact.

I heard the recording, it was horrific. The judge knowingly let a rapist go unpunished.

It is all men.

Yes I have, multiple times. I think most women have.

All of them.

Yes, but thankfully I've never been harmed physically.

On the tube, on a train, in the pub, on the street, at work.

Hasn’t every woman?

Just read your post and it reminded me of something. Not aimed at you.

The law etc is based on the sort of crimes men commit against other men. Punch in the face etc. And that's serious and obviously violent.

The fact that women and girls often get other sorts of stuff-

Being followed
Abuse of a sexual nature shouted at children (schoolgirls)
Flashing and wanking at women/ girls
Slap or grope or pinch on the bum
Grabbing breasts
Groping generally/ frottage
Rape which is the penetration and no extra violence (punching etc)

Are seen all too often as. Not violent. No harm done. That sort of thing.

The female experience with sexual crime is not really understood, considered, reflected in society and therefore in the institutions in society- police etc

Coming back to comment on your thread @TrialOfStyle?

No I haven't. I'm approached by men lots but never feel fearful or harassed.
Have men pinched my bum or said lewd comments - yes. Many times.

Two serious sexual assaults (one at 16, one at 19), endless catcalls and whistling (started when I was 12), groped on buses, in bars and in the street.

Also threats of rape for behaving in a way they didn't like (eg ignoring catcalling, refusing a request for a date, laughing at something stupid they had done).

So many times. I dismissed it when I was younger but looking back it makes me angry that women have to deal with this shit. I’m glad to be getting a bit older to be honest but I now have to watch my daughter go through it all.

ive yet to meet a women who hasnt-we've all got a story.

Yes.

I was first catcalled as a (very obvious) pre-teen by grown men. Followed home more than once by boys. Sexually assaulted and bullied at secondary school. Other assaults since then, catcalled and verbally harassed or insulted more times than I can remember

Yes. Harassment incidents beyond number. Sexual abuse from a family member. All men.

I should also include numerous instances of being slut shamed, told that I look like I'm up for it, called a cock tease, that dressing as I do I shouldn't be surprised if men grope me and other wonderful pearls of wisdom.

Name changed because it would open up a big family can of worms... I have a long list of incidents ranging from minor to major, it very negatively affected the first half of my life, assuming I live to 90.
Please, please, please everyone complete this survey by 26 March: www.gov.uk/government/consultations/violence-against-women-and-girls-vawg-call-for-evidence

A couple of years ago, this same topic came up when I was talking with my best friend. I said “No - I’m not saying it’s not a problem but it hasn’t happened to me. I guess I’ve just been lucky. Well, there was that time when..but that doesn’t really count. And that other time....”

And then I kept remembering examples, and more examples, on and on. Not rape but everything else on your list, going back to when I was just a kid. I couldn’t understand why I’d said “no” to the question at first, but then I realised that I was always told when I was growing up that women have to be resilient and that means treating abuse and harassment as no big deal - being a “wimp” or “acting like a victim” being the real failing, not being the person responsible for the harassment, indecent exposure or assault. But, at the same time, I was always told that the girls who have the really bad stuff happen to them... well, that was their fault for not being careful enough and not respecting the fact that it’s a dangerous place out there. So somehow I was given the conflicting messages that you’re a radical and a man-hater if you “overreact” to being groped by a stranger on the street or catcalled every day by a middle-aged man when you’re a shy fourteen year-old in school uniform, but if you’re the girl or woman who is raped or murdered, everyone’s going to pick your actions to pieces and ask why you didn’t manage your whole life round the assumption that men are predators who can’t help themselves.