To ask if you’ve been harassed, assaulted, abused, or raped or in any way by men?

[TrialOfStyle]

YANBU - you have been (in ways described below or beyond)
YABU - you have not been (in ways described below or beyond)

It’s just a quick show of hands, really, as I know some people are skeptical of the recent polls.

Obviously it’s entirely up to you to define this but harassment I would consider anything from (but not limited to) catcalling, unwanted comments (in virtue of your looks/body/attractiveness (yes, being told to smile) femininity, negative parenting as a mother and not just as a parent, or in some way negative biology of woman), stalking, persistence when you’ve already said no.

Assault - physic or verbal.

Abuse - emotional, physical, mental or sexual

Rape - including (but I consented to x but he did y)

I have had everything from the above (which is why my list includes it, but I certainly have miss r so things. However I’d be interested in the poll to see the responses).

Ps - before it’s ask, I’m clearly not a journalist or someone being toady (go ahead and advance search). I’m just curious to see how to polls align.

Yes to all of those types.

Yes

Another reminder to complete the call for evidence www.gov.uk/government/consultations/violence-against-women-and-girls-vawg-call-for-evidence

All of the above and all at the hands of men.

Harrassed a lot more than I care to admit.

Raped while in an abusive relationship. The last time he did it was when I was 19 and a friend helped me get away.

I don't know any woman who hasn't been at least cat-called at some point in their lives. It's such a depressing fact.

Sadly yes. Flashed at by strange men numerous times growing up in the 80's and 90's. A particularly nasty experience when I was a teenaged paper girl - offender was a local teenage boy, who only stopped because a stray dog was walking by (he thought the dog was with its owner). I've always had a soft spot for that breed of dog ever since.
Plus the usual arse-groping by random men in nightclubs.

I've just remembered another one, a old family friend always standing too close and always trying to kiss me on the lips when greeting me. This was from the age of about 10 until when he died when I was 23. He lived over 100 miles away so fortunately didn't see him often, but after his wife died he kept asking me to go and stay so that we could go to the solicitor and sort his will out, he had no children and was going to leave his house to me. I never did go, dirty pervert.

Yes. I genuinely believe it was normalised for so long that I had not really thought about it.

Lately been really thinking about it and from puberty I have had catcalls/comments, been groped in bars/nightclubs by strangers, been called a cunt by a drunk man on a train after catching his eye, being told I was frigid or a lesbian when I didn't want to date/kiss, being pressured to have sex when I didn’t want to in a relationship, having rough sex/anal when I didn’t want to in a supposedly loving relationship, the list is endless and I know I am far from alone.

I really remember being early 20’s and out with a new boyfriend who commented that I got a lot of male attention in an approving way - so, so odd.

When I was younger I experienced most of these things from teenage years being propositioned by older men to exposure to always getting beeped at or shouted insults from cars all of which bewidered me as I'd also been told I was too fat to warrant male attention. But it rapidly got to the point where I knew if alone with a man in any situation - work, social, travelling, swimming, living in adjoining flats, whatever - something sexual would be brought up including 2 seperate attempts to pick me up by priests in church buildings. And of course got the are you a lesbian or frigid when I rejected them.

But the most unsettling happened when my elder sister died and I went home to help my younger sister. As part of that I went out to the shops, walking up the street I was asked for sex by a boy of about 9 or 10 who was with some younger boys. I said something like why are you talking like that only for him to get aggressive telling the youngest boy about 4 to have sex with me and who did I think I was. I told my younger sister when I got home and she said he was behaving like that with all the older women in the street. So probably some kind of abuse situation but horrible to think how much worse he would've been in a few years as he grew older and the influence on younger children. Strangely when I was going to another funeral by bus I was propositioned again, of course the man did not know that and I just ignored him. Both events over 20 years ago so not recent.

Yes to all 3, all male perpetrators.

I used to live in a hostel. One night another girl in the room opposite me had some people round. One of the guys she had round apparently went to the bathroom, and on return got mixed up and entered my room (foolish me forgot to lock door. Never did after this night)

Woke up to said guy sat on the end of my bed staring at me. I was 16 years old and terrified. He claimed to me he was looking for x and got wrong room. I screamed at him to leave which he thankfully did and then locked the door behind him. I never ever forgot to lock it again.

It doesn't sound like much and I understand drink can make your reactions slower etc but surely you would realise you were not in the right place when you saw a girl sleeping in bed and not the friends you were visiting.

I'm 32 now and I've never forgotten it and especially not forgotten how the other girl just laughed and brushed it off like he wasn't being the creepiest piece of shit on the planet.

Sexually assaulted. (As an adult).
Raped. (As a child).
Emotionally harassed (as a child).

Decades ago, when I was young and living in a Mediterranean country, and often walking to and from the local shop, there was a bloke who’d cycle very slowly past and contrive to shove his hand up my skirt at the same time.

Looking back, I do wonder why on earth I never yelled abuse at him, or pushed him off his bike, or anything similar. I suppose it was because I was a guest in the country, plus it was a culture where obviously N European women (I was blonde) were seen as ‘easy’ and thus fair game.

I know that my dds, faced with any such behaviour now, would act very differently.

Just saw the word Mediterranean and remembered something!

On hols early 20s. Can't remember why was walking back to campsite alone. There was a sort of rocky path.

About halfway down someone started chucking stones at me. Looked back there was a bloke on his own at the top. He carried on, some of them were quite big.

I'd totally forgotten about that!

The fact I forgot (just another thing) is bad right?

'Looking back, I do wonder why on earth I never yelled abuse at him, or pushed him off his bike, or anything similar. I suppose it was because I was a guest in the country, plus it was a culture where obviously N European women (I was blonde) were seen as ‘easy’ and thus fair game.

I know that my dds, faced with any such behaviour now, would act very differently'

And what happens next?

That's the problem.

I was always pretty forthright and IME most of them get aggressive when challenged.

yes I can think of 5 examples of it ranging from the age of 12 to 21. I am quite sure there are probably more but it is 4:30am.
I have never actually been raped, but the verbal stuff I have been put through has had me in a shame spiral for years.

Yes, repeatedly, since I was a little girl, at home in foster care, on the street, public transport, school, work, etc

It’s not just Men.

I was 13 when I was pushed against a wall and had my vagina groped by class ‘mate’.

The same boy who was walk past me and grab at my boobs (I was and still am big busted from very young which caused a lot of attention).

And the same boy who once told me that he knew what route I walked home (through a wood) and that he would wait for me and rape me.

At 13 I was just too frightened to tell anyone - and honestly I just felt like because of my body I should just get used to the fact that’s the attention I was going to draw. - I did a course that was heavily made of up boys in college and during an exercise both the male and female teachers pulled me aside to ask me if I was comfortable participating due to my assets. Which in a way was great that I was being protected but also; why should I miss out on something in my education because others can’t keep their eyes, hands or comments to themselves?

Parents need to teach their children. Then maybe we wouldn’t need to teach grown ass men.

Every single day from a teen to around 35. And I mean every day that I stepped outside the house. Not a day would go by when I wasn’t catcalled, had a pervy comment or unwanted approach made. A grab etc. I grew up in a busy city. Not sure if that makes a difference.

College course. Lots of hands on stuff crouching over working on equipment. I was the only female. A lot of things that were very borderline (if I did well the boys were chastised for being 'beaten by a girl', a lot of vaguely sexist/homophobic comments, including from teachers). One of the lads approached to tell me that when I'd been bent over my jeans had slipped and the teacher had taken a sneaky photo.

Straight down to report it went I, and weeks of investigation followed after which it was concluded that the lad had made it up to get the teacher in trouble (and I was very sternly interviewed to check if I were complicit).

Took me a long time to realise that whichever one was true, I was still a victim and it still affected me (felt very uncomfortable being in the guy's classes afterwards, completely changed style of dress for college, seriously contemplated dropping out).