If a parent doesn't pay for his children one month is he allowed to see them?

[leigh1996]

Citizens advice is really busy so I'm waiting 7 days on a call back

If he doesn't pay this month is he able to see them. I know parental rights you need to do your responsibilities too.

his is so strange, I’ve never relied on maintenance, I get £7 a week for 4 children. I don’t even consider it as anything, stop relying on maintenance so much, don’t you get child benefit? Tax credits? Your children should still be getting fed with or without it

God this is depressing. Women saying "I got nothing/almost nothing, why should you? I did without it, you should as well"

You should be saying "I got nothing and it was beyond shit and totally unfair to me and my children. It's shit for you too. We should both expect better for our kids".

Some father's always have to pay and never see them, it entirely depends on the father. Child maintenance is a legal requirement and even if the mother stops visitation he still has to pay.

Wow, how many more posters are going to come on and think they’re clever saying they’re not “pay per view” ? It’s a weak joke about a woman who’s obviously upset with their dad not giving a shit about supporting them.

Set up a formal arrangement with cms then if he fails to pay they take action. You cannot stop contact over not paying a court order for access would not allow that. I suggest you set up a formal agreement ASAP.

Why would you punish your kids buy stopping contact, it’s not their fault he hasn’t paid, it’s not pay to view, they are children not items.

Of course he should be paying maintenance but there are several situations where he may not have to pay it or not be able too, for example lack of work, illness etc...

Sorry I haven’t read the whole thread so probably just repeating what’s already been said.

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

Speaks volumes about character? What chapter is dad who financially neglects his kids in

Op character is she’s the sole consistent carer to her children

I’m not saying that he is right for financially not pulling his weight when it comes to their children. However like the majority of other posters, I agree that finances and contact are two completely separate things and shouldn’t be compromised with one of the other. I mean come on, “you’ll see your kids when you pay up” isn’t great is it?

Contact is for the child’s benefit.

My ex does not pay. He does not co-operate with the CMS. He's currently £14k in arrears.

He's still allowed to see the children.

Money and access are completely separate.

Yes he can

Non resident parent always get away with not paying, cancelling when they want but mostly women have to facilitate access and changes and do without money for the child when they don't bother paying but always everyone jumps on the it's not pay per view do what the dad wants. I do wonder if contact with these dads really does benefit the child

@jellybellybanana

his is so strange, I’ve never relied on maintenance, I get £7 a week for 4 children. I don’t even consider it as anything, stop relying on maintenance so much, don’t you get child benefit? Tax credits? Your children should still be getting fed with or without it

God this is depressing. Women saying "I got nothing/almost nothing, why should you? I did without it, you should as well"

You should be saying "I got nothing and it was beyond shit and totally unfair to me and my children. It's shit for you too. We should both expect better for our kids".

I don't think anyone has said "I got nothing, why should you".

But it is IMO risky to rely on CMS because so many NRPs get away with not paying it. Obviously this is shit and it shouldn't be happening, no one is disputing that. But the fact remains that it does happen. And if you're in a situation where you rely on money that someone else can get away with not paying, it's not the best situation to be in, is it?

Fucking hell have a heart will you. Such a cruel thing to say to the op. Really no need for that

Twistered It’s not cruel, it’s a statement of fact. She chose a shit person to have as the father of her children, but that doesn’t mean every other man out there is the same.

I would hope the majority of women would think carefully about who they choose to be the father of their children, and then situations like this can be avoided.

It also doesn’t mean she should throw in the towel on all future relationships simply because she chose poorly this time.

Except it's most often women who are the RPs and men who don't pay for their kids.

Cadent So? I never stated otherwise so your comment is pointless.

Hope you are ok @leigh1996?

Some very harsh and judgey comments.

As someone who hzs also left an abusive relationship, I strongly advise you to get a formal arrangement in place, for your own mental health and for your kids.

This reduces any contact you have with ex to a minimum.

Money - through cms and automatic so no discussion.

Access/visiting : formal agreement with times dates, everything. Mine specifies things like mother's day, who picks up, drops off, what happens if the nrp is late (after an hour the visit is forfeited).

Please investigate this for your own peace of mind.

My exh is a nightmare to deal with but the arrangements mean i never have to see him, he even just texts the kids when he arrives (teens) and so doesn't even ring the doorbell.

Good luck

You have my sympathy OP. I wouldn't want a man capable of such neglectful behaviour around my children either - whether it's their dad or not.

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

I bet all of you piling in,berating op have #bekind and head tilt at mental health matters Bet You were Conspicuously clapping, wee nhs rainbows in your windows, being seen to be nice. Keeping up appearances Meanwhile online you batter in when a mum is describing the debilitating stress,worry and grind of poverty Did you see the bit were op said she had to get a poverty grant to assist her

I didn't do any of those things, @HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

I would still like to know, though, what the OP means when she says I had to threaten becoming one of those mums who posts every time their baby daddy doesn't show to get him to take them for the first time ever

Post what? Where?

OP, you worked miracles to obtain CAB advice so quickly. Draw on these impressive powers to draw up proper legal agreements about all these issues.

The OP is getting rather a hard time here. The father of the children is not stepping up to support them financially. The OP does not have any "spare" money for new coats and trainers - this doesn't mean she can't budget - if every penny is accounted for just to cover day-to-day living, where can she magic the funds for any extra necessities like new (or even 2nd hand) clothes.

Yet the father of these children books holidays and doesn't even feed them when he sees them.

Rather than having a go at the OP and recommending ways she SHOULD be able to financially cope, maybe we should expend our energies on getting the law changed so men HAVE to financially support the children they fathered?

How can the courts allow this - he says he doesn't have any money - do the courts never question how he manages to feed and clothe himself and go on holidays.

In this case, the law really is an ass, and OP I understand your feeling that if he can't be arsed to help put food on the table for his children, does he really care about them at all, or is he seeing them just for appearances.

Yes, I know it is for the benefit of the children that they see their father, but really does it benefit the children having a relationship with someone who would see them go hungry?

I think the harsh comments are from people who maybe only read the original post.

Those of us who took the time to read OP's subsequent posts, recognise that this sounds like a woman at the end of her tether.

She's said she's claiming benefits, she's had to use food banks, she's had a Government poverty payment to buy shoes for her children, she's borrowed money from her cash strapped Mum.

She was in an abusive relationship with her children's Dad.

She's desperate and trying to assert what little power she has to try and get the Dad to contribute his fair share.
Not the right way, granted, but understandable she's considered it in the circumstances.

Checking someone on 20k a year with about 100 nights of sleepovers a year would need to give you about £50 a week for 2 chikdren.
You know he won't want to do it.
AND yes it is about punishing the mother, as most absent fathers who won't pay don't realise children cost month and time to raise.
They think the mum would be like them and spend the money as if it was fun money, not needed for clothing and food and to pay for all the things children need.

@Rona why are you addressing op in that tone using those sarcastic terms?
Save your ire and well you think for the dead beat dad who fails to adequately Financially support his children.
It’s deeply unedifying to berate and pile in on a woman who’s already understandably stressed

Where are all the sportsmen, celebrities, pop stars etc etc campaigning to say "if you have children, you support them - in every meaning of the word"?

It's not acceptable to deposit your sperm and sod off.

What about your own responsibilities as a parent? You're quick to blame your ex for your situation and blame him for everything. Yes. he should pay maintenance... but what about you. What are you doing to improve your situation?

You have a responsibility as a parent to feed, clothe and nurture your children regardless of whether or not your partner is involved in your life. Do it.

Would it be better if he wasn't in their life at all? So you would have no money and no male "role" model in their life. What would you do then about money and putting clothes on the children's back?

I've been in your situation OP.

I just lived as if he was never in our life and if he did happen to come up with some money or show up at all, fair enough.

It's just easier that way. For you and for them.

My ex pays NO maintenance. At all. Ever. But he still sees them every other weekend.

Sorry, I dont mean to sound horrible, but its not just down to him to feed his kids, what if he died tomorrow, how would you support your family?

Don't be financially reliant on someone else, yes he should pay for his children, but you need to look into your financial situation too.

What about your own responsibilities as a parent? You're quick to blame your ex for your situation and blame him for everything. Yes. he should pay maintenance... but what about you

She's raising the children, with no help from their father, financial or otherwise. She even had to supply his house with food so they could go there and not starve.
What a stupid question. I'm appalled by some people on this thread.