If a parent doesn't pay for his children one month is he allowed to see them?

[leigh1996]

Citizens advice is really busy so I'm waiting 7 days on a call back

If he doesn't pay this month is he able to see them. I know parental rights you need to do your responsibilities too.

I can't believe this is even a question.

Your kids don't deserve to be victims of your personal issues with their father. To prevent them from seeing him is abusive.

@Buttons4491

I've been in your situation OP.

I just lived as if he was never in our life and if he did happen to come up with some money or show up at all, fair enough.

It's just easier that way. For you and for them.

Same.

Agree with many pp that it is right that visitation and maintenance are separate issues

However I also think that non-payment of child support should be a criminal offence in a par with neglect. So prison time a realisation prospect.

I think it’s also emotional abuse/coercive control of both the children and the former partner in many cases and the law and the operation of the law should be updated to make that less possible. That would include assessing assets as well as income and hen it comes to payment.

People commenting how the op chose a shit dad, that may be true but not many people knowingly know they are with such a shit until they split.
My dad was a full on/proper involved hands on dad when he lived at home. Left when I was 12 and ditched all 5 of us. My mum was lucky if she got £5 a week for us. NO ONE saw it coming, everyone was shocked he was capable. Yes my dad is a shit but mum didn't know it at the time, not many people do!

Talk about kick op when she's down

Withholding contact on that basis is not on - it’s not a pay per view system.

Obviously you have to sort out the financial side of things and perhaps have a more formal agreement, but stopping contact would be a shitty thing to do to your kids as a ‘punishment’ to your ex.

@leigh1996

Advice I was given years ago from a Hv was that if he doesn't pay I don't need to let him in the house this was only 4 years ago .. I was just checking it's still correct

He's obligated by law to pay isn't he?

Surely the court would if he demands to see them will make him pay?

You don't have to let him in your house, but your children are the ones who have the right to see their father, even if he pays nothing!

OP, imagine that you had to go into hospital for a month. The DC live with your father while you are in there. When you come out, you don't have any income and haven't paid anything towards their one month's keep at his place. So he denies you the right to see them. Does that seem fair? Is it good for the DC that you don't see them because you haven't paid?
Please give your head a wobble. Get maintenance agreed through the correct channels. Try not to think of your DC as bargaining chips. Take ownership - you chose to have children with him. If he isn't paying maintenance, that's terrible, but that's between the adults who had children together to work out.

*God this is depressing. Women saying "I got nothing/almost nothing, why should you? I did without it, you should as well"

You should be saying "I got nothing and it was beyond shit and totally unfair to me and my children. It's shit for you too. We should both expect better for our kids".*

No I am wondering how the op isn’t able to pay for her children either? She’s moaning at her ex for not providing but she isn’t either if she’s saying that she can’t afford to feed or clothes them without her exes maintenance then that is odd and what is she doing with the money she gets for them? Maintenance is only 10% of his income so how comes she’s so reliant on that to the point she can’t feed her kids without it? Doesn’t sound like she’s providing for them either...

No I am wondering how the op isn’t able to pay for her children either?

You may have heard: some people don't have enough money to feed clothe and house a whole family on one wage or one adults benefits claim.

For me, this is toxic masculinity at play.

Father the children, then leave them.

For we women, it is relevant to clock on to this fact and wise up about who we choose to father our children.

The common taxpayer is fronting for absent fathers, but the patriarchy can't be arsed looking too deeply into it, otherwise it would have to change nappies and pay for its behaviour.

While things change, I'd be advising a) sort yourself out and stop relying on quick sand which is not and never will be stable, and b) go to a family court and get the formal contact forms.

Why is op not coping financially?
Because benefits are low
Because children outgrow shoes,clothes, and get hungry
Being at home in lockdown means higher utility bills

If only someone would tell op about the munsnet magic chicken,feeds 6 people for 4 days. 1 skinny chicken Makes soup,risotto,sandwiches,roast dinner.

You may have heard: some people don't have enough money to feed clothe and house a whole family on one wage or one adults benefits claim.

Yet she’s expecting the ex to 🤦‍♀️ Child maintenance is only 10% of his income. She should be able to feed her kids without it 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

@leigh1996

How long does he have to not pay for to not be able to see them?

Yes. Of course! It's disgusting that there are all these men out there not helping to provide for their children but why would you want to stop your children seeing their father? What good would that do to the children? Unless we're in for a drip feed.

He sounds like an absolute arsehole op (as do all non-paying non resident parents) and I hope you find a solution to all this soon. There have been some completely over the top replies on here. Perhaps parents who don't support their children financially should NOT be allowed to see them by law? Might focus a few minds, possibly. What is the benefit to the children of having contact with a parent who won't pay for their upkeep? Who'd want a waste of space of a father like that?

Are you getting everything you are entitled to in benefits?

It sounds like you want to do the best by your children and that's what a great mother does. But it is always going to be in your childrens best interests to see their dad.

I think he's an awful man for not paying, and seeing your kids struggle but sadly many men do this.

Glad you have CMS sorting it out. Xx

@Happycat1212

You may have heard: some people don't have enough money to feed clothe and house a whole family on one wage or one adults benefits claim.

Yet she’s expecting the ex to 🤦‍♀️ Child maintenance is only 10% of his income. She should be able to feed her kids without it 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Can you really not understand that some people live hand to mouth every day and have to chose whether to heat the house or buy food. What do you suggest she do when there's no money?

Hopefully now you've contacted CMS you will be sorted pretty quickly. If he fails to acknowledge it it will go onto direct pay where he has to pay an extra % on top as an admin fee. I have found them to be quite proactive tbh, I know some don't share the same view.

How old are the kids op?

Have you made sure you're claiming all benefits you're entitled to?

Do you also have a job?

Unfortunately you can't count on his contributions it seems. I wouldn't continue to allow an informal agreement. Have CMS deduct it directly from his wages. Though if he's SE you're a bit stuck.

He’s a dick for not paying this month but why should children lose out on seeing their dad because of it? No idea whether this is a common occurrences of a one off?

If it is a common occurrence, then part of the blame could be with you for having a baby with a feckless man. Obviously most of that blame lays with him but the children shouldn’t be used as pawns in their parents financial disputes!!

Yes, he can see them.

@TableFlowerss

He’s a dick for not paying this month but why should children lose out on seeing their dad because of it? No idea whether this is a common occurrences of a one off?

If it is a common occurrence, then part of the blame could be with you for having a baby with a feckless man. Obviously most of that blame lays with him but the children shouldn’t be used as pawns in their parents financial disputes!!

Eh? The bloke doesn't pay yet it's her fault for having had his babies...

@TableFlowerss are you being serious? Must be peachy in your world having never fucked up ever. Poor op was obviously lacking the crystal ball you were given at birth.

part of the blame could be with you for having a baby with a feckless man
I presume his pre-babies patter didn’t include disclosing he’s financially tight, and has money for his expenditures but he’ll not maintain regular payments for his own children

There is a difference between money and a child's links with their parents. Money or not children need access to their non resident parent too.

Your attitude is completely wrong!