Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 11 12

Original poster

If a parent doesn't pay for his children one month is he allowed to see them?

299 replies

leigh1996 · 24/03/2021 10:46

Citizens advice is really busy so I'm waiting 7 days on a call back

If he doesn't pay this month is he able to see them. I know parental rights you need to do your responsibilities too.

OP posts:

LucieStar · 24/03/2021 10:59

@leigh1996

How long does he have to not pay for to not be able to see them?

He can pay not a single penny and he's still entitled to see them (assuming he has legal parental responsibility).

Redannie118 · 24/03/2021 11:00

Ok so I suggest you ditch informal agreement and get in touch with CMG and launch a formal collect and pay agreement. This way they will collect payment from him and you dont have to chase him. If he defaults they can use enforcement. Its very very unfair, but if you have no other obvious parentening concerns do not stop him seeing his kids. Courts take a very dim view of this and it can really harm your kids too.

Original poster

leigh1996 · 24/03/2021 11:00

Advice I was given years ago from a Hv was that if he doesn't pay I don't need to let him in the house this was only 4 years ago .. I was just checking it's still correct

He's obligated by law to pay isn't he?

Surely the court would if he demands to see them will make him pay?

OP posts:

Palavah · 24/03/2021 11:00

Why haven't you got this set up through CMS?

LolaSmiles · 24/03/2021 11:00

As others have said, his maintenance and seeing his children are not linked.

It sounds like you might be looking for an excuse to restrict access

LucieStar · 24/03/2021 11:01

@leigh1996

Advice I was given years ago from a Hv was that if he doesn't pay I don't need to let him in the house this was only 4 years ago .. I was just checking it's still correct

He's obligated by law to pay isn't he?

Surely the court would if he demands to see them will make him pay?

You don't have to let him in your house at all. But you can't stop him having contact with his kids just because he isn't paying maintenance.

Marvelwife123 · 24/03/2021 11:01

Regardless of money how would the children feel not seeing him?

notaknob · 24/03/2021 11:01

Jesus Christ your health visitor is wrong

TheVanguardSix · 24/03/2021 11:01

Yes.
My ex never paid maintenance. Even with the CMS input, he still never paid.
In the States, maintenance and 'visitation' (contact) are linked. Not here in the UK. So if you have a court order in place for contact, maintenance or no maintenance, it must be honoured.

How long does he have to not pay for to not be able to see them?

He can go on and on, never paying a cent. Contact cannot be revoked because of non-payment of maintenance. It was quite a shocker for me to realise that dead-beat parenting is completely supported and endorsed in this country. I'm not a believer in drawing blood from a stone and breaking someone's balls over maintenance, but you'd think a parent would want to be financially supportive. It's sad that we have to beg for it from our exes. It's rather pathetic.

TheMatryoshka · 24/03/2021 11:01

@leigh1996

How long does he have to not pay for to not be able to see them?

Is this a joke? You know parenting isn't a subscription service right?

notaknob · 24/03/2021 11:01

Why would you want to stop your children from seeing their dad? Poor kids

notaknob · 24/03/2021 11:02

This comes across as so spiteful.

GeidiPrimes · 24/03/2021 11:02

Maybe put him on restrictions by limiting to short zoom calls?

WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo · 24/03/2021 11:02

@leigh1996

Advice I was given years ago from a Hv was that if he doesn't pay I don't need to let him in the house this was only 4 years ago .. I was just checking it's still correct

He's obligated by law to pay isn't he?

Surely the court would if he demands to see them will make him pay?

You don't have to allow him into your house regardless of if he pays or not. But you can't stop him seeing them outside of the house. My ex hasn't been in my house for 10 years. He hasn't paid maintenence for about 7. I've never stopped him seeing the dc though.

Saladd0dger · 24/03/2021 11:02

Wtf have I just read

Original poster

leigh1996 · 24/03/2021 11:03

@LolaSmiles oh believe me I'm not. I had to threaten becoming one of those mums who posts every time their baby daddy doesn't show to get him to take them for the first time ever.

I've just escaped a emotionally abusive relationship with him. Which he took my money and has underpaid by half the amount he should (knowingly) but I stupidly believed him that was correct (lied to me about his income).

I'm so fed up of having no money every other week. I had to borrow a lot it's only jsut gotten better

I must have gotten the wrong advice I thought the parental rights and responsibilities needed to both happen or there was issue.

The kids need a lighter jacket and new trainers I have no money from buying food so I was just wanting that from him.

OP posts:

Aposterhasnoname · 24/03/2021 11:03

It’s not him being allowed to see the kids, it is the kids that are allowed to see their father. You do not punish kids for something their father has, or has not done.

notaknob · 24/03/2021 11:03

@GeidiPrimes what on earth. Why????

isitjustlockdown · 24/03/2021 11:04

Maintenance and contact are not linked. The HV has given you misleading information. Also, contact doesn't have to be him coming into your home.

The contact is the child right to have a relation with their parents, regardless of financial arrangements, your child still has a right to see their parent.

The money side is separate, and as he is not reliable you need to move from an informal to a formal arrangement either via CMS or a court order.

notaknob · 24/03/2021 11:05

from a court perspective

Now I've picked my jaw up off the floor.

You would look awful for stopping contact. Awful. They would give you a stern warning not to stop contact again and the effects this can have on your children.

They wouldn't be interested in money, they would tell you to contact child maintenance.

PanamaPattie · 24/03/2021 11:05

Do the children want to see him?

ForeverBubblegum · 24/03/2021 11:05

He should see them regardless of whether or not pays (if safe)

He should pay regardless of whether or not he see them

The two are unrelated, and both are for the childs benefit. If he's not paying go through cms, but don't mess the kids around with stop/start contact.

LolaSmiles · 24/03/2021 11:05

In which case OP, your focus needs to be getting maintenance established through the courts. He's shown you he is a terrible partner and won't step up to pay regularly for his children.

You've got to leave contact out of any maintenance discussions though.

Aposterhasnoname · 24/03/2021 11:06

Wait, so you had to threaten him to make him see the kids in the first place, now you’re trying to stop him seeing them? That doesn’t make any sense.

whetherpigshavewings · 24/03/2021 11:06

It doesn't matter if he pays or not, he still can (and should) see his children!

Refusing him access will put YOU in the wrong and create all sorts of troubles for you, be mindful of that.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 11 12

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.