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AIBU?

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Original poster

If a parent doesn't pay for his children one month is he allowed to see them?

299 replies

leigh1996 · 24/03/2021 10:46

Citizens advice is really busy so I'm waiting 7 days on a call back

If he doesn't pay this month is he able to see them. I know parental rights you need to do your responsibilities too.

OP posts:
GladysTheGroovyMule · 24/03/2021 16:52

Just to make you aware OP that CMS only do collect and pay (where they take it from his pay cheque directly, add on 20% and remove 4% from you at that time) if he has failed to pay it to you more than once. Several times in fact. As far as I know they do that only once he's failed to pay in full on time when it’s gone through their system. Get it set up ASAP. Don’t let anyone fob you off- including him- telling you that a private arrangement is better. It’s not clearly as the fucking bastard hasn’t paid up.

YellowPurple · 24/03/2021 16:52

Have you applied for local food banks?
Local facebook groups often have clothes / shoes that people are giving away, especially at the moment as charity shops arent open.

Put a advert on asking if anyone is giving clothes away or selling for very cheap.

If you ring your gas and electric company they will be able to help you out
Explain you have no money and they will help you

Waxonwaxoff0 · 24/03/2021 16:53

@YellowPurple

If he doesnt feed them when he has them over night, that is neglect

Not giving you any money is wrong but not neglect

It had nothing to do with being a MAN!
It would be the same if the dad had full custody and the mum wasnt giving him any money

If you go through child support agency, they will take a percentage before his work pay him
If he hasnt got a job, the courts cant ‘make’ him give you money when he has very little income himself

It is neglect. As the RP, if I decided not to spend any money on my child to buy him food and clothes, I would be done for neglect. Why should NRPs get away with it?
YellowPurple · 24/03/2021 16:55

It isnt classed as neglect when a parent doesnt pay for child maintenance

If the children live with you and you dont feed them thats neglect, yes.

Thats just how it works!!!

TableFlowerss · 24/03/2021 16:58

[quote mildlymiffed]@TableFlowerss without getting derailed from the topic- I really hope that you and your group of friends never end up single, with your dp's acting out of character when separation occurs. Any seemingly decent chap who you've had kids with, can change in the throes of separation.

It's amazing that even when you think someone is a decent guy, they can turn into complete twats once money is involved. Especially when they feel they're paying "too much" or the ex wife must be "spending it all on herself"...

Luckily for me, my "friends" didn't look disparagingly at me and say "I thought as much" regarding my exH.[/quote]
I never said all, I said some men are feckless from the off but some women still have kids with them! Doesn’t matter to me or my group of friends but guess who has had a life of hardship? Yep, the ones have glide with the useless ones!

Either way, regardless of whether they were perceived to be descent humans who would always support their kids regardless, if something changes and they turn in to twats then the mother still shouldn’t use their child as a weapon and stop contact

YellowPurple · 24/03/2021 16:59

The parent can be taken to court / made to pay but it is completely different for a parent to not pay child maintenance and a parent not to feed the children who live in the same house....

Waxonwaxoff0 · 24/03/2021 16:59

@YellowPurple

It isnt classed as neglect when a parent doesnt pay for child maintenance

If the children live with you and you dont feed them thats neglect, yes.

Thats just how it works!!!

But it shouldn't be how it works. It should not be accepted. This is why we need a US style system towards maintenance where if NRPs don't pay they face prison time.
Sunflowers095 · 24/03/2021 17:02

@leigh1996

How long does he have to not pay for to not be able to see them?
Children are not property. Seeing both parents benefits the children regardless of your own feelings.

Yes he should be paying child support but children are not a spotify subscription that stops when you don't pay.

ElderMillennial · 24/03/2021 17:03

Hes obligated to pay a proportion of his earnings but the way to enforce this is to go to the CMS not stop him from seeing them.

YellowPurple · 24/03/2021 17:04

@Waxonwaxoff0

Im aware of how it should work but its not like that here

Waxonwaxoff0 · 24/03/2021 17:05

[quote YellowPurple]@Waxonwaxoff0

Im aware of how it should work but its not like that here[/quote]
I know it's not. But it should be.

YellowPurple · 24/03/2021 17:11

@Waxonwaxoff0
Its a pointless conversation

Anyway. OP
You cant use your children as a weapon and not let them see there dad. That just isnt on

onthinice · 24/03/2021 17:15

What is everyone on about maintenence and contact are not linked? There is absolutely no correlation between the two?? The CMS calculator clearly uses number of days /nights the child spends with the NRP to work out how much maintenance is paid.

In terms of whether your children still see their Dad, even if he's the type of person who won't financially support them, they do still have the right to see him. Maybe he could have them a bit more often to take some of the strain off you, to pay for their meals etc when they're with him?

It's a shame that the bar in very very low in this country with regards to what is acceptable behaviour from some father's, to the point some children are forced by courts to still see them even when it's not in their best interests/they don't want to. However stopping maintenence payments isn't considered a reason to stop contact.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 24/03/2021 17:17

Access and child support aren’t linked. Just think how many of both NRP and RP don’t financially provide themselves and how the system would cope if children were not allowed to be with parents who did that.

GirlInterruptedAgain · 24/03/2021 17:19

Yes. In the uk, yes. He’s not paying for the privilege of seeing his child. That’s not how it works. I’m surprised you had to ask tho....

Happycat1212 · 24/03/2021 17:21

Well a good reason why they aren’t linked as say if it’s a man like my ex, who doesn’t see our kids through choice, does he then get to say he doesn’t have to pay because he doesn’t see them ? Hmm

May17th · 24/03/2021 17:30

@WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo

Go to the CMS to formalise payments, they can set up collect and pay if he doesn't pay.
This.
Chicchicchicchiclana · 24/03/2021 19:39

@YellowPurple

The parent can be taken to court / made to pay but it is completely different for a parent to not pay child maintenance and a parent not to feed the children who live in the same house....
Ridiculous isn't it? And still we have hundreds of thousands of men (yes, it is nearly always men) not supporting their children adequately. The law is an ass on this one.
EnoughnowIthink · 24/03/2021 21:53

The parent can be taken to court / made to pay

Made to pay? I’ve not had a penny in 14 years! Can court isn’t possible as the CMS has jurisdiction.

JustLyra · 24/03/2021 23:03

@EnoughnowIthink

The parent can be taken to court / made to pay

Made to pay? I’ve not had a penny in 14 years! Can court isn’t possible as the CMS has jurisdiction.

Have you tried your MP?

Some are better than others at forcing CMS to use their powers.

They have a wealth of powers, they just can’t be arsed to Use them 😡

FireflyRainbow · 24/03/2021 23:03

OP he could refuse to pay their whole lifes and still be able to see them.

Happycat1212 · 24/03/2021 23:39

My ex went for 3 years without paying, I would have felt embarrassed going to the mp tbh but I realise that’s more my issue, probably down to the fact that women are still seen as “money grabbers” for wanting maintenance 🙄 even my ex said when I asked for maintenance “you don’t have kids to get paid”

Soontobe60 · 25/03/2021 10:13

@leigh1996

How long does he have to not pay for to not be able to see them?
He could never pay, doesn’t mean the children don’t get to see their father. That could be deemed parental alienation on your part,
GabsAlot · 25/03/2021 11:59

Glad you phoned cms-yes they'll give hm a chanceto do it voluntarily if not they take it and a percentage im afriad not fair but you'll still gt something

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