Page 5 | If a parent doesn't pay for his children one month is he allowed to see them?

leigh1996 · 2021-03-24T10:46:12+00:00

Citizens advice is really busy so I'm waiting 7 days on a call back If he doesn't pay this month is he able to see them. I know parental rights you need to do your responsibilities too.

VanGoghsDog · 24/03/2021 11:25

@leigh1996

I never knew this was a thing that a dad can let their children starve and be able to take them out. And not pay for their own children to have a reasonable life.

That's crazy a male is allowed to do that. If I refused to buy them clothes and feed them it would be neglect but for the dad to do that knowing the mother can't afford to that's not neglect. I'd literally be charged with neglect but the male has no consequences

Men really do get away with anything and all the benefits.

The courts are crazy.

But I will take this advice he won't not get to see them and I'll phone to make sure he pays THE FULL AMOUNT this time.

But can i report this as neglect he let them have no food for an entire month or clothes, shoes when they outgrew them etc?

It's not to do with being male or female.

What has the court got to do with it - you said it wasn't a court mandated payment, didn't you? Just an informal arrangement?

Call CMS and get an order against his wages.

No you cannot 'report' it as neglect (who to?).

Serendipity79 · 24/03/2021 11:27

Kids aren't pay per view, its absolutely legally correct that you cant stop contact due to non payment of maintenance. However you dont have to allow him into your home, it can be elsewhere.

You have raised points though which I've thought for years in that a non resident parent (its not always dads) morally and legally has an obligation to support their child, yet all too often its not enforced legally, and morally as a society we accept it when they dont - yet a resident parent would be charged with neglect should they not feed and clothe their child with quite often limited money available to them.

Its is morally reprehensible for non resident parents not to pay, but the law isn't on the side of resident parents in this argument - children have a right to see their parents - even if its a parent who'd willingly let them starve on the 26 days a month they dont see them
:(

WhySoSensitive · 24/03/2021 11:27

@leigh1996

How long does he have to not pay for to not be able to see them?

My dad managed 16 years and still seen us.

Don’t use your kids as a weapon.

Toomanyradishes · 24/03/2021 11:27

I do remember my friend when we were kids her dad was fined for not paying but I'm guessing that will have changed too

But thats what CMS is for, honestly people have given you the advice go via cms, thats the function in place to make the nrp pay. Its not perfect, there are loopholes but ultimately if you are not using cms and then complaining there's no way to make the nrp pay you are kind of missing the point.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 24/03/2021 11:29

@leigh1996

It's an informal arrangement

Then go to the CSA and get it formalised.

Your children are entitled to be supported, and you are entitled to know that you will get £X every month, and be able to take him to court if necessary.

VanGoghsDog · 24/03/2021 11:29

@leigh1996

If understand the pay per view remarks if the female has enough money but when she doesn't that truly is awful. It's the kids suffering and the male watches

But stopping him from seeing them isn't going to magic up the money - at least on the days he sees them he buys them lunch etc?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 24/03/2021 11:29

*CMS not CSA - I have no idea what I was thinking of,

Sorry

RandomMess · 24/03/2021 11:29

If he is messing around with maintenance go via the CMS ultimately they can do a deductions of earnings order if he doesn't pay voluntarily the amount in full.

Your ex has no right to see them in your home. You need to make them available for contact.

If he messes about with contact you can refuse until he get court ordered contact with set times. He then isn't forced to turn up but it means he can no longer control you by changing times and days etc.

He either turns up on time or misses contact his choice.

Lorw · 24/03/2021 11:29

Ring CMS and they will take payment directly out of wages if needed so you will be given that whether he wants to pay or not. If they don’t take that route straight away he will have to pay it and if he doesn’t he will owe it and they will chase him and make him pay.

GabsAlot · 24/03/2021 11:30

get the payment official less chance of him not paying then-and no you dont have to let him in yur house he can have contact somewhere else

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 24/03/2021 11:32

You need to go through cms etc for paymnents rather than informal as you have a better chance , you can look online to see roughly what you would get if you know his salary but some men still don't pay
Are you claiming everything you are entitled to ?
You can't stop contact over payment though

Singlenotsingle · 24/03/2021 11:32

Yes of course he is. It's a child's right to see it's father, and have a dad. Not your right to use the child as a weapon.

B33Fr33 · 24/03/2021 11:33

Always remember that the children have the right to see their parent and to support. It will help you phrase it that way to.him and subtly changes your approach which might even sink in. It's not you being let down etc, it's them. The truly manipulative won't care but some want to be seen to be a great dad, despite not being able to respect the mother of their children.

Good luck. Do look into a formal arrangement especially if he's been lying about his income. It's the kids he is doing out of his time and support.

WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo · 24/03/2021 11:35

Oh trust me I know how hard it is to budget. I'm currently in the same situation, and often have to rob Peter to pay Paul as it were. Are you claiming everything you are entitled to?

Yes it's a joke that NRPs can get away with paying nothing/a pittance, but you'll be told that that's why we have a welfare state.

Crappyfridays7 · 24/03/2021 11:36

My dad refused to pay for us via maintenance because he said my mum would spend it on herself. We didn’t go without at all but it was tight, the money would’ve helped a lot. Meanwhile he was living with his bit on the side and her 2 kids buying the boy football kit etc taking them out we were never invited he even took those children to a cousins wedding when it was us who had been invited - we were close with cousin. My dad is a horrible man am NC with him now. My ex and I go 50:50 for all our sons things.

I also have an older son who I get nothing for not even contribution towards his upkeep he goes there and he is fed that is it. Any clothes etc he has I have paid for he wooodnt even buy him a phone as he doesn’t like Apple he’s an area too. His younger children want for nothing yet my son feels he has to beg, he’s given up as it just causes upset and resentment but my eldest who is now 20 saw his dad for what he is and they have very little relationship because of it. It’s sad that a parent refuses to provide for the basic care and needs of their children and will stand back and allow the other parent to pay for them - I don’t grudge it whatsoever I want my son to have what he needs. Just makes me sad!!.

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/03/2021 11:36

You both need to support them. Don’t you get child benefit? Universal credit or unemployment benefits if you’re not working?

How much is he meant to be paying you in child support?

It’s shit he’s not paying and dicking you around but your reaction is completely disproportionate and dramatic and very unhelpful.

He should be contributing at least the legal minimum but you should be paying towards them too and you can’t expect your mum to be subbing you when she can’t afford it.

Aprilx · 24/03/2021 11:37

@leigh1996

How long does he have to not pay for to not be able to see them?

You have been told already, there is no link between maintenance and access.

Maybe think of it differently if it helps, that it is them that are seeing him, not the other way around. Don’t punish your children for his shortcomings.

Cadent · 24/03/2021 11:38

Sounds like there is no court order, so I wouldn't enable the contact.

Does he pick them up and drop them off himself or does he expect you to do it?

Wroxie · 24/03/2021 11:38

If one more person says "pay per view" I'm going to lose my mind. You're like a bunch of smug little parrots.

AlexaShutUp · 24/03/2021 11:39

This is not about the father's right to see his children, it's about the children's right to maintain a relationship with their father.

As such, the maintenance payments should not impact on contact arrangements. However, the father does have a legal and moral obligation to financially support his children, so the unpaid maintenance needs to be pursued as a separate issue.

Original poster

leigh1996 · 24/03/2021 11:41

@VanGoghsDog he never took them for lunch etc. It was me who stocked up his house with food from my own because he "had no money" yet he spilled up and told me what he really makes. All goes on himself.

He blows all his wage on himself then cries to me and gives well under what he should or nothing at all for this month so I'm panicking for next weeks food gas etc all because he had 2/3 for 2 nights whilst returning them during the day.

I'm currently on hold to make sure it's backdated from today.

I was never using them as a weapon I was taking the advice a Hv I really like gave me but I'm seeing now it was her own views. We'd chat loads so that makes sense

Thanks for all the help in the right direction! X

OP posts:

IHaveBrilloHair · 24/03/2021 11:41

There's reason why lots of people have said Pay per view.
Think about it....

PandaFluff · 24/03/2021 11:41

@Wroxie

If one more person says "pay per view" I'm going to lose my mind. You're like a bunch of smug little parrots.

Well they aren't and its the easiest quickest way to describe it.

Bluntness100 · 24/03/2021 11:42

Op, I think maybe you’re a bit confused.

It is not men can neglect and women can’t. It’s when either parent is with the child they need to care for them. And provide for them during that period, if they do not, irrelevant of gender it’s neglect.

As pps have said there is no link between paying maintenance and parental rights. If he does not pay that’s between you and him . The children should not be involved.

If you’re thr resident parent you are then responsible for ensuring they are cared for when with you. Your gender is not relevant. It would be the same if he was the resident parent and you paying maintenance.

PandaFluff · 24/03/2021 11:44

[quote leigh1996]@VanGoghsDog he never took them for lunch etc. It was me who stocked up his house with food from my own because he "had no money" yet he spilled up and told me what he really makes. All goes on himself.

He blows all his wage on himself then cries to me and gives well under what he should or nothing at all for this month so I'm panicking for next weeks food gas etc all because he had 2/3 for 2 nights whilst returning them during the day.

I'm currently on hold to make sure it's backdated from today.

I was never using them as a weapon I was taking the advice a Hv I really like gave me but I'm seeing now it was her own views. We'd chat loads so that makes sense

Thanks for all the help in the right direction! X [/quote]
He sounds awful OP. Don't pay for his food! It sounds like a really tricky situation