If a parent doesn't pay for his children one month is he allowed to see them?

[leigh1996]

Citizens advice is really busy so I'm waiting 7 days on a call back

If he doesn't pay this month is he able to see them. I know parental rights you need to do your responsibilities too.

@PandaBabyJuly

"The HV was wrong"

The HV wasn't wrong. The HV said nothing (or at least not from the IOP's post) about not letting him have contact with his kids. The HV said that the OP doesn't need to let him in her house. That is fact. The OP has taken this and added on that she can stop him having contact with the kids, and is backing up her stance by willfully misinterpreting and misrepresenting what the HV actually said.

Jesus Christ OP you seriously need to get a formal arrangement in place and stop all the threats and weaponizing. I'm sorry but you're coming across extremely badly here.

@emilyfrost

But lesson learned men can watch their kids have nothing and have everything themselves.

Nope. It’s not a male/female thing, it’s resident/non-resident parent thing.

Don’t trash all men because you chose a shit one to be the father of your kids.

You're a charmer! Most women do not purposefully set out to chose a shit dad for their kids, and yet shit dads abound. Most NR parents are men (I know! I know. Namalt)

If OP decided not to feed, clothe, house or entertain her kids for a month their would be serious repercussions and she might not be able to see her kids, she would be deemed negligent.

A dad (I know!! NAMALT!) can absolve himself of the same responsibilities with very few repercussions. And women are falling over themselves to call the OP shocking, outrageous, a dick etc etc.

It's a broken system that does women no favours. Hmmm..... why might that be??

*I never knew this was a thing that a dad can let their children starve and be able to take them out. And not pay for their own children to have a reasonable life.

That's crazy a male is allowed to do that. If I refused to buy them clothes and feed them it would be neglect but for the dad to do that knowing the mother can't afford to that's not neglect. I'd literally be charged with neglect but the male has no consequences

Men really do get away with anything and all the benefits.*

In our case it is the mom but she isn't interested in seeing her son either now he is 16!

My ex paid £3.75 per week and avoided that for about 2 years, always saw his son though as I don't believe kids are weapons for financial wars

@emilyfrost

But lesson learned men can watch their kids have nothing and have everything themselves.

Nope. It’s not a male/female thing, it’s resident/non-resident parent thing.

Don’t trash all men because you chose a shit one to be the father of your kids.

Wow... I've heard it all now! Honestly, the op is in financial difficulties and yet you're now highlighting that she made a shit choice Re the father of her children. Nice work @emilyfrost - must feel great being that mean.

@leigh1996 I feel for you. I really do. And would agree that it does feel incredibly unfair that he can effectively negate his end of the "deal" (the money), and yet have fun with the kids. Leaving you in the lurch and worrying about money day to day. It's not fair, it's not right, but unfortunately it is the right thing to do for the sake of the kids. But I get it, it must sting.

Just to confirm what everyone has said- get something formal in place so you can guarantee the money coming in. In the meantime, be the bigger person.

But yes, him not paying his maintenance is a shitty, shitty thing to do. However, when your kids are older they will realise your sacrifices and perhaps realise his shortcomings too...

Maintenance and contact are not linked so yes, he is allowed to see the child/children.

He has a financial responsibility to his children and the resident parent should absolutely chase that up. The resident parent has a responsibility to make the children available for their prearranged contact no matter how they feel about the father.

Agree that the children need to see for their father, but I really feel for OP who is clearly struggling.

@Leigh1996 - how do the children get to him? If he picks up, can you ask straight out what’s happening when he arrives? And if you’re supposed to drop them off, it may be reasonable to send a message to say that as he hasn’t paid you will struggle to afford the petrol/bus fare/train fare.

@IHaveBrilloHair

There's reason why lots of people have said Pay per view. Think about it....

I know what it means, love, I'm not an idiot. The first person who said it thought they were terribly clever and then a hundred more people said the exact same thing... thinking they, too, were terribly clever. Smug little parrots.

How long has it taken you to realise that your "informal arrangement" isn't working, OP? 4 years or more?

And the kicking continues! I despair...

It’s the right of the children to see their father. It’s not about his or your access rights. Even if he never paid the court would not stop access as they are concerned with the right of the child

But you should definitely formalise the maintenance issue to ensure that you can survive financially

@Bluntness100

Op, I think maybe you’re a bit confused.

It is not men can neglect and women can’t. It’s when either parent is with the child they need to care for them. And provide for them during that period, if they do not, irrelevant of gender it’s neglect.

As pps have said there is no link between paying maintenance and parental rights. If he does not pay that’s between you and him . The children should not be involved.

If you’re thr resident parent you are then responsible for ensuring they are cared for when with you. Your gender is not relevant. It would be the same if he was the resident parent and you paying maintenance.

This.

You need a court order or go through cms for maintenance. They can stop it from his salary at source. If he's self employed or working without declaring income unfortunately there's nothing more you can do. You can seek a child contact order and specify maintenance but they are not intrinsically linked. You do not need to let him enter your property and handover can be at a contact centre or via a third party.

It's a shitty thing to do of course but yes, he is (or rather the children have a right to see him)

This is so strange, I’ve never relied on maintenance, I get £7 a week for 4 children. I don’t even consider it as anything, stop relying on maintenance so much, don’t you get child benefit? Tax credits? Your children should still be getting fed with or without it.

@Wroxie

If one more person says "pay per view" I'm going to lose my mind. You're like a bunch of smug little parrots.

Quite.

Obviously no child should be denied contact with a responsible and loving non-resident parent who has legitimate reasons for struggling to contribute financially in the relatively short term.

But I question how black and white some posters are about the long term benefit to the child to have a relationship with a parent who can't be bothered to pay for them, and when said parent is not prioritising their wellbeing above everything else in their life (like, getting a fucking job or accepting a lower standard of living so that their child doesn't go without).

Your weaponising your children. Dont be that woman. Contact CSA and make a formal claim.

you are entitled to maintenance from him and you are entitled to pursue this legally to make him pay if he isnt keeping to his informal agreement.

This is a seperate issue to his access to the children. If you make it into a tit for tat situation, it wont look good for you, and if he refuses to pay, then it doesnt look good for him, but they issues must be kept seperate.
You dont have to let him in the house, but he is allowed to see his children at set times, unless the court orders that he is dangerous or disruptive to them.

My advice is, for peace and harmony all round, dont use your children to get at each other or punish each other as it just fucks with the childrens heads.

@Happycat1212

This is so strange, I’ve never relied on maintenance, I get £7 a week for 4 children. I don’t even consider it as anything, stop relying on maintenance so much, don’t you get child benefit? Tax credits? Your children should still be getting fed with or without it.

Good for you. Yup- let's just not make non-resident payments at all financially liable for their offspring. What a ridiculous thing to suggest.

@Happycat1212

This is so strange, I’ve never relied on maintenance, I get £7 a week for 4 children. I don’t even consider it as anything, stop relying on maintenance so much, don’t you get child benefit? Tax credits? Your children should still be getting fed with or without it.

No I've never relied on it either, too risky! I knew he could stop it whenever he felt like it.

@Wroxie

If one more person says "pay per view" I'm going to lose my mind. You're like a bunch of smug little parrots.

Just had a flick through your posts on here OP. I get the frustration, believe me I do. Get something formal drawn up and that will hopefully put a stop to his games because what he’s doing is despicable and there is no excuse for it.

Just to be clear you don’t have to have a reason to not let him in your home if you don’t want him inside. He can pick up and drop off at the door like many other non resident parents do. If you ever end up in family court with him they won’t look too fondly on him not financially supporting his children but I don’t think they can force him to.

@GalesThisMorning

And the kicking continues! I despair...

I'm with you. Talk about kicking someone when they're down. Constructive advice yes- a pile on, no.

he does sound like a dick tbf, but hes still their dad. Put better boundaries in place. Dont stock up his fridge, and dont let them stay overnight if he apparently cant afford to feed them