To think there’s too much sex on tv/netflix

[WiganNorthWest]

Shows that I would otherwise enjoy watching with my teenagers/other family always seem to have graphic and gratuitous very long sex scenes. I don’t think they add anything to the plot and ruin our experience of watching as a family (makes me and my teenagers uncomfortable-and I think we are fairly close/informal usually).
I’m thinking of game of thrones, Bridgerton, normal people and outlander which show a lot of sex and a lot of it is disturbing/rape. Does anyone actually enjoy watching these scenes/think they enhance shows? I wish there were ‘clean’ rated 12 versions of these shows on Netflix and you could chose which one to watch. I did enjoy sex education, and think this was done a bit more intelligently/sex scenes weren’t just there for the sake of it/a lazy way to attract viewers but were necessary for the plot.
AIBU/ a prude?

[User133847]

@BLToutanowhere

It seems today, that all you see, is violence in movies and sex on TV
But where are those good old-fashioned values on which we used to rely?

Liberalism took over.

[SmokedDuck]

@NiceGerbil

The good looking/ looking like a pervert comments in relation to real life sex offenders is utterly bizarre!

The suggestion that men on juries will judge guilt or innocence based in part on what the man looks like is extremely worrying.

Everyone does this in all contexts. Hiring and firing, crime, how competent we imagine people will be, even how honest we guess they will be, etc. Physical attractiveness is a significant advantage in life.

But it's not people saying "oh, gee, he's nice looking, he must be innocent, not a pervert," or " she'd mae a great CEO." It's about how believable people find them, and it's entirely subconscious.

[ElderMillennial]

I agree OP.

[NiceGerbil]

Yes I'm aware of that smoked duck.

I was responding to a poster who had been involved in criminal cases where the jury had been influenced by how the man accused looked.

The idea that men who are good looking/ successful/ rich can get girls easily so why would they commit sex offences is shown time after time in the public reaction to trials etc. And that's good to be a worry.

Conversely that poor chap whose name I forget a few years ago who was demonised in the press because he 'looked' dodgy, when he was the neighbour of a missing woman.

If we're really going to say yeah well we're just monkeys (which we are) then why are we even bothering with any pretence of law etc.

[WisnaeMe]

@NiceGerbil

was it Christopher Jeffries 🌸

[NiceGerbil]

Yes.

Our press is fucking appalling.

That poor man.

[WisnaeMe]

@NiceGerbil

Yes.

Our press is fucking appalling.

That poor man.

it certainly was, Im glad the man found the strength to pursue legal action and succeeded in suing them all 🌸

[NiceGerbil]

Yes.

It was awful.

And our press is still appalling.

But they give us what sells...

It's a downward spiral.

If that's what society are like. And the press give us what we want.

The police come from society. So their behaviour reflects on us. In a way.

[NiceGerbil]

Sorry the police thing was random. I've got threads mixed up!

[WisnaeMe]

@NiceGerbil

Sorry the police thing was random. I've got threads mixed up!

I understand what you mean though 🌸

[EarringsandLipstick]

Netflix has destroyed television. Should be called Pornflix.

How ridiculous. I watch Netflix shows, some have sex scenes, some don't. I haven't found them gratuitous or porn-like.

I don't like crime / noir series, or anything with violence or horror, so I don't watch those.

If sex is adding to the storyline, I'm happy to have it there. I disagree that it's all about the make gaze, the very opposite at the moment. A lot about female empowerment. Possibly excessively so at times.

[EarringsandLipstick]

I am a woman, I personally do not want to watch sex or rape scenes.

Bit of a leap between the two, surely.

I don't want to watch rape scenes.

Sex scenes are entirely different to rape tho surely?

[Sundances]

I think there's a lot of him giving her a 'good seeing to' rather than 'they are having sex' if you see what I mean. Lots of sex from behind (does nothing for me so I am always surprised the woman is happy with this).

[EarringsandLipstick]

I just don't need to see a man jackhammering while the woman moans in ecstasy. The sex scenes are always really long as well - yawn.

I must be watching very different series as I don't see this depiction of sex.

I'm watching The Bold Type on Netflix at the moment. It's easy-going, nothing too deep; but entertaining fare. There's a lot of sex, much of it very stylised. But it's brief, well-shot & linked to a storyline. It's also a little earnest - the series is about 3 women working in at a magazine, so it's always from the female POV. Which is fine, but it occasionally feels like it's trying to emphasise NOT the male gaze.

I don't see the sex the quote above described. I think we are in a great time for intelligent, well-written, well-shot TV. I would greatly prefer what I see now, than the ridiculous TV / films of the 80s/90s and beyond, which didn't show the sex, but was untruthful with the women waking up fully made-up, the sheets tucked demurely under breasts, the sexy OTT underwear that every woman wore, every day, and the lack of consent (from women) nearly always. There's a truth-telling to the programmes I choose to watch that makes them feel authentic.

[EarringsandLipstick]

@NiceGerbil

Most women do not find it erotic to see men enact sexual violence against women on the telly.

Additionally I had it pointed out to me that when rape is depicted if it's 'through the eyes' it's invariably through the eyes of the man looking down on the crying struggling screaming woman's face. Not the woman's view looking up at the face of the man raping her.

If the idea is that women find watching women be sexually violated by men on screen erotic, then surely the most common view would be of the face of the (handsome) man doing the raping.

Who is saying any of this? You'd have to be twisted to get pleasure from sexual assault. I've never watched any programme with violence against women. I just hate it.

Nothing to do with sex scenes that form part of the narrative. Consensual, honest sex.

[EarringsandLipstick]

@Sundances

I think there's a lot of him giving her a 'good seeing to' rather than 'they are having sex' if you see what I mean. Lots of sex from behind (does nothing for me so I am always surprised the woman is happy with this).

Again, I must be watching different shows. I don't see this. If it's sex from behind, it's done with choice / involvement from the woman.

I really think sex is broadly being depicted more truthfully, for the purposes of the narrative, and with recognition that it was for too long presented for the male gaze, and this needs to be addressed.

But if I don't like a show, I don't watch it & find something else. I've had no problem doing so. I have never watched anything like true (violent) crime series, police dramas, any of the Scandinavian noir, programmes that cover rape, serial killers or violence in any way.

I'm not struggling to find enjoyable shows. Some are easy watching, some more challenging. But I appreciate that sex is included as part of real life, and is complex & messy at times.

[User133847]

I still don't understand why we must have to physically watch people have sex and hear them screaming in ecstasy on modern TV shows. If it's a porn film, obviously, if it's a show specifically about sex, yes. Random dramas or even comedies - no.

It's voyeuristic, uncomfortable for the actors involved and their families, not suitable for a family audience and makes many viewers uncomfortable.

It's the problem with TV and film today that everything has to be so graphically detailed and spelled out for the viewer. Nothing can be left to the imagination anymore. As if the audience needs to be literally spoon fed every scene. "If we don't show them writhing around the floor screaming in pleasure for a full scene then the viewer might not know they had sex". The viewers are either taken for morons, or it's just unnecessary titillation.

[GoLightlyontheEarth]

I think it's part of a general dumbing down of everything. I find it really depressing. If something isn't spelt out, shown in graphic detail, with lots of lightening noises and growly voiced voiceovers we won't be able to concentrate or will flick channels, so the programmers think.
I have really been enjoying Unforgotten, but the level of graphic detail of decapitated corpses, raped girls etc is too much. I think it is partly due to the fact so few people read anymore. Imagination is not involved, it's all there on the screen whenever you want it. So increasingly we are being shown more and more sensationalist stuff to keep our interest.
I hate it. The time will come when we'll just get rid of the Tv. There is nothing to watch anyway. Most of us watch Netflix/Amazon Prime because terrestrial TV is just a load of repeats and rubbish.

[EarringsandLipstick]

@User133847

I still don't understand why we must have to physically watch people have sex and hear them screaming in ecstasy on modern TV shows. If it's a porn film, obviously, if it's a show specifically about sex, yes. Random dramas or even comedies - no.

It's voyeuristic, uncomfortable for the actors involved and their families, not suitable for a family audience and makes many viewers uncomfortable.

It's the problem with TV and film today that everything has to be so graphically detailed and spelled out for the viewer. Nothing can be left to the imagination anymore. As if the audience needs to be literally spoon fed every scene. "If we don't show them writhing around the floor screaming in pleasure for a full scene then the viewer might not know they had sex". The viewers are either taken for morons, or it's just unnecessary titillation.

Oh for goodness sake. 🤷🏻‍♀️

All sex scenes on TV aren't graphically portrayed as you suggest.

Sure, why have TV at all? We can just imagine the whole plot.

Or in a book, let's just have a little ellipsis rather than write any sex scenes.

You're talking about a world that maybe exists in part (so don't watch those shows!) but doesn't exist as you describe, wholly.

There are plenty of shows where sex is shown respectfully and as part of the story

[EarringsandLipstick]

Most of us watch Netflix/Amazon Prime because terrestrial TV is just a load of repeats and rubbish.

Disagree entirely. TV has produced amazing shows. I don't watch some - they don't interest me, but there are loads I love. I'm very busy & don't get enough of a chance to watch as much as I'd like. I read loads too - and the same caveat, there are genres I don't read as I just don't like them. They might be excellent books, but not for me.

[EarringsandLipstick]

hear them screaming in ecstasy

User you need to do more research. So many good shows, sex depicted & not in a crazed 'screaming in ecstasy' way you describe.

[WisnaeMe]

@EarringsandLipstick

I am a woman, I personally do not want to watch sex or rape scenes.

Bit of a leap between the two, surely.

I don't want to watch rape scenes.

Sex scenes are entirely different to rape tho surely?

I was replying to the poster that claimed THIS was in every day life therefore I was unreasonable about not wishing to watch.

So not a leap in when read in its context.

[PatsyStone39]

America occasionally edits TV shows and movies into clean PG versions. I remember watching abridged episodes of Sex and the city when I was living over there. It took me a while to figure out what was going on, then it clicked, they were removing all the dirty bits and swearing. Which, for Sex and the city, didn't leave much content! ha!

I'm far from prudish but I do get your point, OP. Sometimes it's just gratuitous, pointless sex. I'm all for it if it has a purpose, I mean, sex is a huge part of most people's lives. But shagging every 2 seconds is a bit off putting.

[User133847]

@PatsyStone39

America occasionally edits TV shows and movies into clean PG versions. I remember watching abridged episodes of Sex and the city when I was living over there. It took me a while to figure out what was going on, then it clicked, they were removing all the dirty bits and swearing. Which, for Sex and the city, didn't leave much content! ha!

I'm far from prudish but I do get your point, OP. Sometimes it's just gratuitous, pointless sex. I'm all for it if it has a purpose, I mean, sex is a huge part of most people's lives. But shagging every 2 seconds is a bit off putting.

Sex and the City is a show about sex, so you know what you can expect. It isn't going to make sense overly edited.

It's just not necessary in random series.

[aModernClassic]

@NiceGerbil

I have always hated sexual violence against women on the screen, and also the way that women and girls on screen are so often in situations where there is an underlying threat of sexual violence.

I hate the fact that over the years it's just become something that happens all over the place.

I hate the fact (and I first noticed this with CSI so 20 years ago or something!) that sexual violence is often a way to get women's clothes off/ get some sex on the screen. I have an idea that in USA output they seem to be ok with violence, and not ok with sex. What do you do if you want some female flesh and sexualm content. Sexual assault!

The point it really hit home was when there was a woman's topless (I think) top half and a male hand was gently stroking her under rivulets of water running over her. The camera really lingered lovingly. Pulled back. She was on the fucking slab! WTAF?!

anyway rambling.

Oh and something else someone pointed out is that when a perspective of a rape is shot it's always from the pov of the rapist looking at the victim. That is just. Grim when you think about it.

Completely agree with you. It's everywhere and it's normalising sexual violence against women. I'm really fed-up with it. Most of the time, there's no need for it.