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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think there’s too much sex on tv/netflix

349 replies

WiganNorthWest · 23/03/2021 23:10

Shows that I would otherwise enjoy watching with my teenagers/other family always seem to have graphic and gratuitous very long sex scenes. I don’t think they add anything to the plot and ruin our experience of watching as a family (makes me and my teenagers uncomfortable-and I think we are fairly close/informal usually).
I’m thinking of game of thrones, Bridgerton, normal people and outlander which show a lot of sex and a lot of it is disturbing/rape. Does anyone actually enjoy watching these scenes/think they enhance shows? I wish there were ‘clean’ rated 12 versions of these shows on Netflix and you could chose which one to watch. I did enjoy sex education, and think this was done a bit more intelligently/sex scenes weren’t just there for the sake of it/a lazy way to attract viewers but were necessary for the plot.
AIBU/ a prude?

OP posts:
User133847 · 25/03/2021 08:34

But I always wonder WHO on earth really wants this in their everyday viewing fair?

Probably the people who enjoy porn, but even then they might want to separate watching pornography to sitting down to watch a TV show.

It also makes it uncomfortable in difference scenarios. I used to travel around the country a lot via train for work (pre-Covid anyway) and would download a few episodes of a show I might be watching on Netflix. I soon stopped doing it because you don't want to be sat on a train and a full on sex scene comes on. It's just ridiculous now.

aSofaNearYou · 25/03/2021 08:35

@GoLightlyontheEarth

People need to complain. If enough complaints were received perhaps something would be done. Instead we sigh, roll our eyes and grit our teeth.
What's to really complain about, though? It's entirely subjective whether it's even a bad thing, and people have been complaining about this for years. The fact that there have only been more and more sex scenes suggests the numbers of people that dislike them are not all that compelling.
Macncheeseballs · 25/03/2021 08:35

And most of it is done from the point of view of the male gaze

tentimesaday · 25/03/2021 08:36

I find the website Common Sense Media really helpful is assessing whether a film or tv show is suitable for family viewing.

ForTheLoveOfSleep · 25/03/2021 08:42

Not sure if it has been pointed out yet but all of the shows in OPs original post are adaptations from books and the sex scenes are usually relevant to the written story. I personally think when adapting books into dramas you should try to stick to the original as closely as possible.

BurbageBrook · 25/03/2021 08:44

@tentimesaday I was responding to another poster who specifically mentioned the breasts in Normal People-- a show where sex is pretty central to the plot.

Madhairday · 25/03/2021 08:46

YANBU, and Netflix is the worst for it. I'm relieved to see this thread because I'd been getting increasingly uncomfortable with it and wondered if it was just me and dh. We have teens and don't watch much at all with them because of this, they don't want to see it and we don't and certainly not together. like pp I have a whole load of programmes on my Netflix watching list that I started and abandoned after 5 minutes for the inevitable grinding and humping and long camera lingers over women's bodies especially. Just no need for it.

I did watch bridgerton but skipped through the sex scenes which meant I basically skipped one whole episode. Tedious in the extreme and I think the point of it could have been portrayed much more tastefully.

I am glad Netflix does that thing at the start where it says violence, strong sex etc, and now if it says that I just skip it. But I'm finding less and less shows where it doesn't say that. Shows like You and The One I'd usually enjoy for the story as I like psychological fiction but got ruined for me.

I hate the way it's just so endemic to see camera gazes skimming up women's bodies too, from their legs to their chests basically, and also get so weary of all the violence against women storylines. The exception is unbelievable, I thought it was very well done without being explicit or gratuitous at all.

I binned off Criminal Minds because so many of the storylines were about rape and kidnap of women with lots of carefully placed photos of crime scenes that to me just highlighted the violence and were overly sexualised. Left a bad taste in my mouth and it's a shame because I liked the characters.

Dh and I finding it increasingly difficult to find good shows to watch. We very much enjoyed Madam Secretary and Leverage, both on Prime which for some reason is better than Netflix for this. There are some nice shows on Netflix though if you look, without all the sex/violence. But generally not in the top 10...

singsingbluesilver · 25/03/2021 08:51

I think it's because we watch more streamed and recorded things that I notice it more. The good old 9pm watershed used to mean that up until then you knew there would be no nudity - now anything I click onto from Netflix or iplayer can be 18 rated at any time of the day.

I do think it is getting boring and becoming more the norm to have sex scenes, nudity etc when it adds nothing at all to the plot. It seems compulsory in all historical dramas eg the Borgias, the Medicis, the Great even the Crown when they were covering the Snowdon years.

Nudity and sex scenes don't bother me, but they used to be quite rare and brief. Now they seem to be on a tick list for drama productions. I feel sorry for the actors.

AnaCanDoOne · 25/03/2021 08:56

YANBU, over lockdown I have wanted to find things on Netflix etc I can watch with 17 and 15 y.o. dds but there is SO LITTLE that doesn't involve rape or very explicit sex, or talk about it. They love a costume drama, so we were looking forward to The Great - er, nope. It's just getting boring.

I appreciate it's probably a reaction to the 'sex doesn't exist on TV' brief of the TV makers' own youths and early adulthoods, which was just as weird, but it's high time for some middle ground.

(Bit hypocritical of me because I absolutely loved Harlots, but wouldn't have wanted to watch it with the dc.)

AnaCanDoOne · 25/03/2021 08:58

And I really wanted to watch Bridgerton with dd1, so that was a huge disappointment to me.

singsingbluesilver · 25/03/2021 09:09

And I love the Bridgerton books - there is no where near the amount of graphic sex in the books as there is in the TV show. Yes, sex is part of the plot due to the Duke's methods of avoiding pregnancy, but the book is in no way as graphic. I read a fair bit of regency romance and Julia Quinn has far fewer sex scenes than most authors in this genre. It would have been perfectly possible to tell the story without all of those scenes. But then of course they would have struggled to get a whole series out of one fairly short book. Those scenes are there to pad it out into more episodes.

tangerinelollipop · 25/03/2021 09:18

But then of course they would have struggled to get a whole series out of one fairly short book. Those scenes are there to pad it out into more episodes

It seems like it, yes

Macncheeseballs · 25/03/2021 09:28

If someone suffering with diarrhoea was relevant to the story, would you need the see them shitting?

Macncheeseballs · 25/03/2021 09:31

There was a scene in 'Industry', where the woman was sitting naked on the man's face, what's that adding to the story? That shes a go-getting woman who knows what she likes? There are other ways to illustrate that without tits and fanny

gabsdot45 · 25/03/2021 10:07

I totally agree. There is way too much sex on TV and most of it is unneccessary.
I remember one show I started to watch on Netlix . It was advertised as a comedy and had an actor I like in it and within 2 minutes he was having daytime sex with a random girl who had just popped in to have sex with him as was their habit. The actress was totally naked.

I feel sorry for actresses because it seems to be expected that they'll strip off, I'm sure if they won't it must limit their choice of roles.
Also it gives a warped view of sex, as if everyone is having random casual sex in the afternoon. (maybe people are and I'm just sheltered)

RaindropsSplashRainbows · 25/03/2021 10:24

Oh I started on The Great.

Just couldn't be bothered with it.

RaindropsSplashRainbows · 25/03/2021 10:26

I now watch history channels on YouTube!

WiganNorthWest · 25/03/2021 10:41

On a similar note, I’ve just put on this morning on itv for the first time in ages. In the 10 mins I’ve been watching they’ve had an old man talking about Viagra and engorged female genitals and now a woman sex therapist with the head line “I help 500 women a week to orgasm”. I’ve muted it as youngest dd is off school today. Is it always like this? Don’t have that much of a problem with it but it seems a bit unnecessary for 10.30 am and again a lazy way to get viewers/not particularly interesting. I do think it’s good that female pleasure etc is now discussed, but I think we are heading to it being discussed far too much for a lot of people’s taste/interest.

OP posts:
RaindropsSplashRainbows · 25/03/2021 10:46

I explain to my kids that this morning was ok when it started, honest!

User133847 · 25/03/2021 12:22

YANBU, and Netflix is the worst for it. I'm relieved to see this thread because I'd been getting increasingly uncomfortable with it and wondered if it was just me and dh

Netflix has destroyed television. Should be called Pornflix.

SerendipityJane · 25/03/2021 12:26

@GoLightlyontheEarth

People need to complain. If enough complaints were received perhaps something would be done. Instead we sigh, roll our eyes and grit our teeth.
I respectfully disagree.

People need to cancel their subscriptions, or not subscribe in the first place.

Once they have your money, they generally don't care too much about complaints. Remember Oscar Wilde ?

Gowherewindandfiremeettogether · 25/03/2021 13:10

Yanbu

WisnaeMe · 25/03/2021 13:17

Yes Britbox for me 🌺

mellicauli · 25/03/2021 13:21

I think it's an economic thing..they have enough dialogue/action/budget for 5 hours of TV. So you spin it out with several drawn out episodes of sex per episode and suddenly you have 6 episodes for the price of 5..

It's a bit like the way they do endless recaps in day time TV or long opening credits. Just spinning it out..

SmokedDuck · 25/03/2021 13:26

@aSofaNearYou

Well I know it's only one example, but I don't think you can really class GOT as "would be enjoyable for the family if not for the sex scenes". The violence is far more disturbing for young people than any of the sex scenes, I think that one is off limits anyway, really.
I think it gets mentioned more because is is suggestive of the problem from a production POV. In the sense that a show that would have been adult and violent with some limited sexual content basically had all kinds of sex added, because... well pretty much because they wanted to show a lot of tits, and push the envelope.

It undermined the writing as well, so it shows that it's not about telling the story.