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AIBU?

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Original poster

Y7 disgusting comments

999 replies

ShinyGreenElephant · 23/03/2021 16:14

I'm 99% sure I'm not being unreasonable here but I'm SO angry and could do with some perspective/ advice.

A boy in my DD12s class has said to her today "shut your legs, your fanny stinks". This was in front of a group of kids. Shes on her period today as well so it made her feel even more paranoid and she was really upset and humiliated. A few of the boys laughed half-heartedly (all her boy mates have since said he was out of order but none of them said it at the time) and all the girls who were there went mad at him, DDs best friend slapped him across the face. DD called him an ugly little rat and walked away before he saw her crying but was then very upset and sobbing to the other girls. Shes been friends with this boy for years but hes recently turned on her a bit after hes asked her out twice and she said no. Nothing like this though.

DD told a teacher who told him off, but he wasn't sent home and hasnt apologised. The school didn't inform me about the incident. Far as I'm concerned this is nowhere NEAR good enough - I've called them and told them as much and been told they will investigate and deal with it further.

Can anyone advise on what my next steps should be? I'll be putting it all in writing tomorrow once they contact me with how they've dealt with it. What if its not good enough? Governors? What can I realistically expect - I will 100% need an apology and I want him suspended but not sure they would even tell me if he was.

Any advice welcome even if its to tell me I'm over reacting. I'm actually friends with his mum but won't contact her tonight at least as I'm so angry I know I won't be able to handle it well.

OP posts:
donewithitalltodayandxmas · 24/03/2021 20:58

@ShinyGreenElephant hopefully your daughter has taught him a lesson by not letting him get away with it and standing up to him and it seems it is at least making him reflect his behaviour and school can keep an eye on it all

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 24/03/2021 21:22

Given Mariels post attempted to imply that this boy would be capable of raping her.

My previous post illustrated a worst-case scenario - from personal experience - of what can happen in the event that behaviour like this is not checked. What has happened, and why there's a much-needed and much-overdue drive to protect girls and women.

The above is a gratuitously offensive misrepresentation.

RootyT00t · 24/03/2021 21:27

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

Given Mariels post attempted to imply that this boy would be capable of raping her.

My previous post illustrated a worst-case scenario - from personal experience - of what can happen in the event that behaviour like this is not checked. What has happened, and why there's a much-needed and much-overdue drive to protect girls and women.

The above is a gratuitously offensive misrepresentation.

Ive spoken to MN and asked to have my posts removed.

Our personal feud is completely out of control.

I suggest we both completely ignore each others posts, and I mean completely, not with long posts about ignoring, becuase at this stage we have really gone too far.

I am genuinely sorry for the experiences you've been through. We might not agree on anything , at all, but I mean that.

I genuinely wish you well - we don't know each other, and I genuinely appreciate a lot of your posts. For the sake of harmony and not being in hot water with MN, my white flag is well and truly up.

On that note im off.
Glad you got sorted OP.

ancientgran · 25/03/2021 18:53

@ShinyGreenElephant

Hi, I've not read all the updates as it seems just a lot of arguing and I've had one of those days. Had a call off the school, theyve just said its been taken very seriously and is all on record and if there's any repeat incidents from any of the boys then they will come down like a tonne of bricks. His mum has also been in touch and apologised, said he's mortified and hugely regrets it. Whatever the school has done which j agree now I'm calm is not my business, his mum has very much dealt with it and i trust that he will have learned his lesson. Definitely wasn't anything to do with her being on her period by the way, hes apparently said it to a couple of other girls and this is the first time he's picked someone with a big mouth who's bitten back.

I agree now I was a bit ott yesterday - hes not a horrible kid at all but the idea of my little girl having to deal with stuff like this so early on really upset me. All I wanted was for it to be stamped on VERY hard so that it didn't continue or escalate and I'm happy that that's happened. Best thing for him as well as DD.

Are you going to tell us what happened to the girl who hit him? Has anyone pointed out the error of her ways? They are letting her down if they haven't, the results for her of not finding out could be very serious.
Clymene · 25/03/2021 19:20

@ancientgran - that really isn't any of the OP's business so I can't see why the school should inform her. She is - rightly - concerned that her daughter's abuser is being appropriately sanctioned.

23PissOffAvenueWF · 25/03/2021 20:44

@ancientgran - that’s up to the boy’s mother to follow up on. It certainly sounds like she’s more concerned about what her son said, than the slap he received for his comment.

Feelinghothothottoday · 26/03/2021 10:05

Article in the Times today about a famous London boys private school (as posted above) Headmaster has reported boys to the police.

ancientgran · 27/03/2021 11:19

The OP told us about the violent girl, she has talked to her mother, she has told us she is going to reward her for her actions. Don't see why it is unreasonable to ask what is being done about the girl, maybe she needs anger management.

RootyT00t · 27/03/2021 12:35

@ancientgran

The OP told us about the violent girl, she has talked to her mother, she has told us she is going to reward her for her actions. Don't see why it is unreasonable to ask what is being done about the girl, maybe she needs anger management.
its not protocol to ask about another pupil.

since the girl is OPs daughters pal though, she could ask herself.

It might be an unpopular opinion, but OPs daughter played her part in this action. Both girls need to think about how they respond to things (although I'm really not negating the boys actions, he soudns hideous).

ancientgran · 27/03/2021 12:44

I agree, all 3 need a bit of reflection. I though it likely the OP would know about the girl as she is DDs friend and she has been discussing it with her mother.

I do think it is important to deal with violence, I remember DD coming home from school when police did a safety talk. The thing that scared her most was the local outbreak of teenage girls being glassed by other girls in pubs/clubs. Police said it could be you looked at someone "wrong" or they thought their boyfriend looked at you. Some girls were scarred for life. I have no idea if it is still an issue, well presumably not in lockdown but when places open up. The talk included lots of things to be aware of this was just one but I think the photos were pretty graphic. Also DD had been bullied by girls when she was younger so seemed very real as a threat to her.

RootyT00t · 27/03/2021 12:51

Unpopular opinion on MN, but girls at school can be unspeakably vile.

poppycat10 · 27/03/2021 14:07

@RootyT00t

Unpopular opinion on MN, but girls at school can be unspeakably vile.
They can - and they continue to be. And can still be intimidating eg if you don't want to run the gauntlet of the school mums in the playground (which they never outgrew). Mental cruelty is very damaging.

But as I said upthread, 99% of violent and sexual violence is carried out by men.

RootyT00t · 27/03/2021 14:10

Quite.

But there are no men in classes, so I'm missing the link.

Love51 · 27/03/2021 14:14

@Meowchickameowmeow

Can you imagine if every 12-year old that said stupid shit was suspended?
If every kid making sexist misogynistic statements got suspended we would be living in an amazing dream world. Parents would discourage it at home, online, in gaming, because they would have an incentive for their child to behave decently. Great idea. Won't happen, but great idea.
ancientgran · 27/03/2021 14:16

@RootyT00t

Unpopular opinion on MN, but girls at school can be unspeakably vile.
Very true. My DD was bullied for nearly 3 years in primary school, all girls. She was hit, knocked over, had things stolen. Little support from school, well not enough in my opinion. Eventually on a school trip she was sitting on the side of a pool and two of the bullies got her ankles and pulled her in the pool. Very dangerous as obviously it can end with child falling back and hitting their head on the side of the pool but kids could say it was playing but they then held her under water. An adult at the pool, not a teacher, saw them and jumped in and saved her, I honestly think they probably saved her life.

The schools constant response was we had to understand they had difficult home lives. Touching another child should mean exclusion in my book, never OK.

RootyT00t · 27/03/2021 14:23

Jesus Christ. I'd want that teacher sacked.

23PissOffAvenueWF · 27/03/2021 19:21

I’m trying to make the link between girls who bully others because they’re horrible little shits who presumably get something out of it.

And a girl who slaps a boy as a direct result of the offensive, misogynistic slur that came directly from his mouth.

I’m struggling, I must admit.

But do go on telling us about how awful girls are, and that girls are the ones to watch out for.

Bloodypunkrockers · 27/03/2021 19:33

@23PissOffAvenueWF

I’m trying to make the link between girls who bully others because they’re horrible little shits who presumably get something out of it.

And a girl who slaps a boy as a direct result of the offensive, misogynistic slur that came directly from his mouth.

I’m struggling, I must admit.

But do go on telling us about how awful girls are, and that girls are the ones to watch out for.

Are you really struggling?

The girl slapped a boy for a comment that wasn't directed at her or had no impact on her

23PissOffAvenueWF · 27/03/2021 19:40

And that’s the same as sustained, unprovoked bullying, how?

Kettledodger · 27/03/2021 20:07

Yes the girl should not have slapped him but lets not lose track of the reason the boy said what he said. Because the OP DD had the temerity of saying she didn't want to go out with him ...twice cos he didn't get it the first time. So he decided to be nasty. And those that are saying that the OPs daughter then verbally abused him need to get a grip IMO

Bloodypunkrockers · 27/03/2021 20:29

@Kettledodger

Yes the girl should not have slapped him but lets not lose track of the reason the boy said what he said. Because the OP DD had the temerity of saying she didn't want to go out with him ...twice cos he didn't get it the first time. So he decided to be nasty. And those that are saying that the OPs daughter then verbally abused him need to get a grip IMO
Why do they need to get a grip. If my Ds had said that I would deal with it. I would also expect the school to deal with the thug that slapped him
23PissOffAvenueWF · 27/03/2021 21:09

So again, how is the slap as a result of an offensive, misogynistic slur the same as unprovoked, sustained bullying?

ancientgran · 27/03/2021 21:14

@23PissOffAvenueWF

So again, how is the slap as a result of an offensive, misogynistic slur the same as unprovoked, sustained bullying?
It's a violent act, in no way justified. The start of a slippery slope unless she is corrected just like the boy was on a slippery slope if his behaviour wasn't called out.
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