Y7 disgusting comments

[ShinyGreenElephant]

I'm 99% sure I'm not being unreasonable here but I'm SO angry and could do with some perspective/ advice.

A boy in my DD12s class has said to her today "shut your legs, your fanny stinks". This was in front of a group of kids. Shes on her period today as well so it made her feel even more paranoid and she was really upset and humiliated. A few of the boys laughed half-heartedly (all her boy mates have since said he was out of order but none of them said it at the time) and all the girls who were there went mad at him, DDs best friend slapped him across the face. DD called him an ugly little rat and walked away before he saw her crying but was then very upset and sobbing to the other girls. Shes been friends with this boy for years but hes recently turned on her a bit after hes asked her out twice and she said no. Nothing like this though.

DD told a teacher who told him off, but he wasn't sent home and hasnt apologised. The school didn't inform me about the incident. Far as I'm concerned this is nowhere NEAR good enough - I've called them and told them as much and been told they will investigate and deal with it further.

Can anyone advise on what my next steps should be? I'll be putting it all in writing tomorrow once they contact me with how they've dealt with it. What if its not good enough? Governors? What can I realistically expect - I will 100% need an apology and I want him suspended but not sure they would even tell me if he was.

Any advice welcome even if its to tell me I'm over reacting. I'm actually friends with his mum but won't contact her tonight at least as I'm so angry I know I won't be able to handle it well.

Hi, I've not read all the updates as it seems just a lot of arguing and I've had one of those days. Had a call off the school, theyve just said its been taken very seriously and is all on record and if there's any repeat incidents from any of the boys then they will come down like a tonne of bricks. His mum has also been in touch and apologised, said he's mortified and hugely regrets it. Whatever the school has done which j agree now I'm calm is not my business, his mum has very much dealt with it and i trust that he will have learned his lesson. Definitely wasn't anything to do with her being on her period by the way, hes apparently said it to a couple of other girls and this is the first time he's picked someone with a big mouth who's bitten back.

I agree now I was a bit ott yesterday - hes not a horrible kid at all but the idea of my little girl having to deal with stuff like this so early on really upset me. All I wanted was for it to be stamped on VERY hard so that it didn't continue or escalate and I'm happy that that's happened. Best thing for him as well as DD.

It's a misogynistic comment, a favourite of schoolboys and immature, inadequate males generally.

It's designed to belittle women, part of the trope where women stink of fish.

When I was at school I can say none of the girls I knew ever smelled badly. Lots smelled of Loulou and Opium but not of any body odour. Yet we all knew that if ANY of us sat without our knees rammed together under the desks in every lesson, even when we had trousers on, a boy would pipe up 'shut your legs Grenlei, you stink'. And others might then start chanting fishy fanny or whatever.

So yes it is misogynistic and as women we should know enough to know that, and that it is in no way to be tolerated.

Had a call off the school, theyve just said its been taken very seriously and is all on record and if there's any repeat incidents from any of the boys then they will come down like a tonne of bricks. His mum has also been in touch and apologised, said he's mortified and hugely regrets it.

So pleased to read this, OP. This needs checking before it has the chance to morph into something a lot more serious. Your DD deserves no less.

*@MagentaZebras
*
*Well yes frankly. Misogyny is as bad as racism. If a child had been shouting racist insults in school surely we'd expect them to be excluded immediately? The same applies here
*
Context is really important, and I don't think that comparing forms of discrimination is helpful.

You can't even say with any certainty that this was a case of misogyny.

@ShinyGreenElephant

Hi, I've not read all the updates as it seems just a lot of arguing and I've had one of those days. Had a call off the school, theyve just said its been taken very seriously and is all on record and if there's any repeat incidents from any of the boys then they will come down like a tonne of bricks. His mum has also been in touch and apologised, said he's mortified and hugely regrets it. Whatever the school has done which j agree now I'm calm is not my business, his mum has very much dealt with it and i trust that he will have learned his lesson. Definitely wasn't anything to do with her being on her period by the way, hes apparently said it to a couple of other girls and this is the first time he's picked someone with a big mouth who's bitten back.

I agree now I was a bit ott yesterday - hes not a horrible kid at all but the idea of my little girl having to deal with stuff like this so early on really upset me. All I wanted was for it to be stamped on VERY hard so that it didn't continue or escalate and I'm happy that that's happened. Best thing for him as well as DD.

You’ve done amazing 👏🏻 This has been dealt with and you can be so proud of your daughter. Sounds like this will be a major learning experience for the class

Glad to read your update OP and that you've got an outcome you're happy with.

Hopefully that puts some of the more objectionable posters in this thread back in their box.

@ShinyGreenElephant

Hi, I've not read all the updates as it seems just a lot of arguing and I've had one of those days. Had a call off the school, theyve just said its been taken very seriously and is all on record and if there's any repeat incidents from any of the boys then they will come down like a tonne of bricks. His mum has also been in touch and apologised, said he's mortified and hugely regrets it. Whatever the school has done which j agree now I'm calm is not my business, his mum has very much dealt with it and i trust that he will have learned his lesson. Definitely wasn't anything to do with her being on her period by the way, hes apparently said it to a couple of other girls and this is the first time he's picked someone with a big mouth who's bitten back.

I agree now I was a bit ott yesterday - hes not a horrible kid at all but the idea of my little girl having to deal with stuff like this so early on really upset me. All I wanted was for it to be stamped on VERY hard so that it didn't continue or escalate and I'm happy that that's happened. Best thing for him as well as DD.

It was clearly reported, then.

But he does sound horrible and I'm glad to hear it.

W.T.F.?

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

W.T.F.?

Sorry, was I just supposed to accept your personal attack where you told the whole of MN I goad and bully abuse victims and not respond and defend myself?

Oh.

I also have come across some of that posters comments before, veering between excessive dogma/ invective and playing the innocent victim of personal attacks....

I suspect they rather speak for themselves as to what kind of an educator said poster must be if indeed they have any RL involvement in schools

On the subject of boys/men not accepting when girls/women say no and your comment, RootyT00t:

As for your boring, predictable comments about males not hearing females say no 😴 she didn't say no.

did you miss this from the OP's opening post Rooty:

Shes been friends with this boy for years but hes recently turned on her a bit after hes asked her out twice and she said no

A recent attitude change and abuse comes so soon after being rebuffed, coincidence much?

@Grenlei

I also have come across some of that posters comments before, veering between excessive dogma/ invective and playing the innocent victim of personal attacks....

I suspect they rather speak for themselves as to what kind of an educator said poster must be if indeed they have any RL involvement in schools

Now now, as much as I appreciat e the pile on, that's not right either. Let's not pretend that you didn't 'come across the poster' on the exact same thread! (The fact you've hijacked this one month's on is worrying behaviour)

I didn't play the victim, MN emailed me about the thread and I said keep it, I am not going to be the one to have it deleted (youl remember the poster who said 'then that will be another one we've got rid of') so I refused but funnily enough they got rid of it given the personal attacks. ..I wonder why

I do have RL involvement in schools. And I am more than happy in my job and my life. So il soldier on that two overbearing, aggressive, bullies with no real understanding of the real world don't think I'd be very good at it

@BronwenFrideswide

On the subject of boys/men not accepting when girls/women say no and your comment, RootyT00t:

As for your boring, predictable comments about males not hearing females say no 😴 she didn't say no.

did you miss this from the OP's opening post Rooty:

Shes been friends with this boy for years but hes recently turned on her a bit after hes asked her out twice and she said no

A recent attitude change and abuse comes so soon after being rebuffed, coincidence much?

No.

Kids relationships change daily.

Given Mariels post attempted to imply that this boy would be capable of raping her, it is interesting that the same people who care so much as children want to label a 12 year old based on a comment, and narrative they've made up.

The reason these two can't stand me is because I don't like their anti men narrative. That's all.

The boy has behaved appallingly, I've never denied that. But hijacking a thread about a stupid vile comment to push an agenda is what I was objecting to.

@catpoooffender sorry

Sorry for the total derail Op.

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

Had a call off the school, theyve just said its been taken very seriously and is all on record and if there's any repeat incidents from any of the boys then they will come down like a tonne of bricks. His mum has also been in touch and apologised, said he's mortified and hugely regrets it.

So pleased to read this, OP. This needs checking before it has the chance to morph into something a lot more serious. Your DD deserves no less.

Mmm. So not a "mistake" then, more like he didn't get away with it this time. The boy still sounds like an ingrate, and yes, I am not surprised his mother is embarrassed. I would be.

Best DD avoids this boy altogether.

Maybe you need to calm down a bit Rooty? It's only words on a screen after all...

I'm not sure you should be calling anyone an aggressive bully really. Nor where I have been aggressive or bullying to you or any other poster on this thread, though perhaps someone other than you can enlighten me?

I don't specifically remember which thread or threads I encountered you on, only your rather anachronistic posting style rang a bell.

As for being a men hater, I think my partner, sons and male friends would vehemently disagree, but if that's what you choose to believe so be it.

@Grenlei luckily I never went to a school like that with boys shouting comments such as that
Once unbeknown to me my trousers had split and my knickers were on show and the boy behind actually called my friend over quietly to explain so I could cover up accordingly and not walk around school all day
It was some of the girls who were laughing about it and the boy stepped in
Good and bad in both sexes

Can people please take their completely boring derail elsewhere? This isn’t about you.

@ShinyGreenElephant - really pleased with that outcome, and it sounds like the boy’s mother has her head screwed on much more tightly than many on this thread, thank goodness.

@Grenlei

Maybe you need to calm down a bit Rooty? It's only words on a screen after all...

I'm not sure you should be calling anyone an aggressive bully really. Nor where I have been aggressive or bullying to you or any other poster on this thread, though perhaps someone other than you can enlighten me?

I don't specifically remember which thread or threads I encountered you on, only your rather anachronistic posting style rang a bell.

As for being a men hater, I think my partner, sons and male friends would vehemently disagree, but if that's what you choose to believe so be it.

I don't honestly know what anarchchrontic means.

I remember you from the same thread Mariel is still talking about.

Oh I appreciate that on MN my views aren't popular and I'm fine with that. I'm also fine with people's views and tbh I agree with many of Mariels views across the site.

What I absolutely will not tolerate is being made out that I bully or goad rape or abuse victims, which is just sick, if I'm honest

So apologies I was hard on you too, but I was still raging about that comment.

@23PissOffAvenueWF

Can people please take their completely boring derail elsewhere? This isn’t about you.

@ShinyGreenElephant - really pleased with that outcome, and it sounds like the boy’s mother has her head screwed on much more tightly than many on this thread, thank goodness.

I have apologised to OP for my part in that.