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AIBU?

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Original poster

Y7 disgusting comments

999 replies

ShinyGreenElephant · 23/03/2021 16:14

I'm 99% sure I'm not being unreasonable here but I'm SO angry and could do with some perspective/ advice.

A boy in my DD12s class has said to her today "shut your legs, your fanny stinks". This was in front of a group of kids. Shes on her period today as well so it made her feel even more paranoid and she was really upset and humiliated. A few of the boys laughed half-heartedly (all her boy mates have since said he was out of order but none of them said it at the time) and all the girls who were there went mad at him, DDs best friend slapped him across the face. DD called him an ugly little rat and walked away before he saw her crying but was then very upset and sobbing to the other girls. Shes been friends with this boy for years but hes recently turned on her a bit after hes asked her out twice and she said no. Nothing like this though.

DD told a teacher who told him off, but he wasn't sent home and hasnt apologised. The school didn't inform me about the incident. Far as I'm concerned this is nowhere NEAR good enough - I've called them and told them as much and been told they will investigate and deal with it further.

Can anyone advise on what my next steps should be? I'll be putting it all in writing tomorrow once they contact me with how they've dealt with it. What if its not good enough? Governors? What can I realistically expect - I will 100% need an apology and I want him suspended but not sure they would even tell me if he was.

Any advice welcome even if its to tell me I'm over reacting. I'm actually friends with his mum but won't contact her tonight at least as I'm so angry I know I won't be able to handle it well.

OP posts:
Flowerlane · 23/03/2021 16:48

This boy should not be excluded or sent home. Yes he said something wrong and should apologise but anything more is over the top.

The girl who slapped him round the face should be excluded and would be at our school. There is no need for violence under any circumstances. She overstepped the Mark and should be dealt with.

FallenSky · 23/03/2021 16:49

Horrible comment and if that was my son I'd want to know. I think he should be made to apologise. I do, however, think you're overreacting massively with talk of suspension and governors. He's 12. 12 year olds say stupid shit. It's awful that he's even come out with something like that but I should imagine the slap he got has embarrassed the crap out of him and hopefully he is suitably ashamed.

LunaMay · 23/03/2021 16:49

@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy

I 100% think he should be suspended for this. I am SO ANGRY on her behalf and schools letting little shits away with this kind of misogynistic, bullying abuse is so much of what is wrong with the world. I’m really seeing red on your behalf, I would be on the phone to the head and not taking no for an answer.

That is disgusting. Everyone who laughed should be in detention pronto. How dare he make a young girl uncomfortable to be in education.

Out of curiosity what's your opinion on the friend slapping him or the dd's insult back?
mumonthehill · 23/03/2021 16:50

What he said was nasty and crude and he should certainly face a school punishment for it as well as a chat from the school about respect and boundaries. However your DDs friend physically assaulted the boy and this is not acceptable at all. She also needs to understand about boundaries and respect. I would certainly want to flag up the comment however your DD and her friends need to understand that slapping someone is not a good way forward.

Fembot123 · 23/03/2021 16:50

It’s disgusting and he should receive a sanction but you aren’t entitled to know what that sanction is exactly. I’m surprised the girl that slapped him round the face isn’t being more severely punished even if she thought he deserved it it’s obviously not the correct way to deal with things. Your poor DD though, I’m glad she has supportive friends as some kids get hassled like this with no one to turn to (friends wise)

Itsokthanks · 23/03/2021 16:51

It's awful but school can't send home every kid that makes horrible comments. I hear vile language from primary age kids on a daily basis.
There are many parents who don't see their children acting like this as an issue unfortunately.

GladysTheGroovyMule · 23/03/2021 16:51

They’re not going to suspend him over this. Hey, maybe if they did suspend every single child who said malicious stuff like this to each other they might actually stop saying vile shit like this. But he won’t be and they’re not going to tell you how they deal with him.

Be angry about what he said- we need to be angry about misogynistic stuff like this. But also think about it this way- they boys your daughter is friends with recognised this boy was out of order even if they didn’t say anything to him at the time. Even better the other girls called him out on it at the time. That’s great that those girls did that, good for them.

Gibbonsgibbonsgibbons · 23/03/2021 16:52

That’s vile
What is the school consequence for a similarly vile racist comment?

User478 · 23/03/2021 16:53

Isn't misogyny a hate crime now?

Hotcuppatea · 23/03/2021 16:53

That would be taken really seriously in my kid's high school. They have a zero tolerance of anything approaching bullying.

Well done for sticking up for your daughter BTW.

Fembot123 · 23/03/2021 16:53

If it were my son I’d be appalled

Lettuceforlunch · 23/03/2021 16:54

Good point Gibbons I bet this would be treated much more seriously if it were race or religion and not sexism at play here.

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 23/03/2021 16:54

@LunaMay girl who slapped him needs to be told it’s not ok and definitely given a warning, basically loosest thing the school can do while technically a punishment. Daughter did absolutely nothing wrong, the idea of punishing her is disgusting.

The teachers who think what he said is not a big deal—these are the people who are creating our fucked up society. I can tell you no problem that when I was at school he would have been suspended at least—this kind of thing was actually taken seriously in my school, thank god. He would have been suspended and having breaks by himself for weeks. Little shit.

Burnshersmurfs · 23/03/2021 16:54

I agree that suspension would be appropriate in this case- at the very least internal and I really disagree with other posters here who seem to be suggesting you are being a bit precious. I really don’t see why your daughter should be expected to ‘build resilience’ to a comment like that. It was an awful thing to say, not by any means a slip of the tongue or careless comment- and the school should be encouraging the right sort of message to both your daughter and this boy.

QueenofallNorway · 23/03/2021 16:55

FallenSky

Horrible comment and if that was my son I'd want to know. I think he should be made to apologise. I do, however, think you're overreacting massively with talk of suspension and governors. He's 12. 12 year olds say stupid shit. It's awful that he's even come out with something like that but I should imagine the slap he got has embarrassed the crap out of him and hopefully he is suitably ashamed.

This

B33Fr33 · 23/03/2021 16:55

Not worth talking to the parents is it? He's not learned to be vile in a vacuum has he?
They will 100% be gunning for the girl who slapped their darling little man.

Fembot123 · 23/03/2021 16:56

@Burnshersmurfs

I agree that suspension would be appropriate in this case- at the very least internal and I really disagree with other posters here who seem to be suggesting you are being a bit precious. I really don’t see why your daughter should be expected to ‘build resilience’ to a comment like that. It was an awful thing to say, not by any means a slip of the tongue or careless comment- and the school should be encouraging the right sort of message to both your daughter and this boy.
Definitely not precious, what he said was foul.
ThatsNotTheTeaHunty · 23/03/2021 16:56

He was a dick for saying what he did and j get you're hurt and Sonia your DD but you're over reacting.
Thing the friend gave him his seeing too and won't attempt to call her names again.

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 23/03/2021 16:57

@mumonthehill

What he said was nasty and crude and he should certainly face a school punishment for it as well as a chat from the school about respect and boundaries. However your DDs friend physically assaulted the boy and this is not acceptable at all. She also needs to understand about boundaries and respect. I would certainly want to flag up the comment however your DD and her friends need to understand that slapping someone is not a good way forward.
Yes ladies, let’s all take misogynistic abuse lying down, not a big deal and not deserving of punishment. If the school won’t take this seriously then I would be massively, massively escalating it. This is so beyond the boundaries of ok.
ThatsNotTheTeaHunty · 23/03/2021 16:57

So is not Sonia....

Clymene · 23/03/2021 16:57

Funny how misogyny is a-ok with many posters. If he'd made a racist remark to a black kid, I'm sure they would expect him to be suspended. But girls are fair game.

I would go to the head. This is disgusting behaviour and he needs to be made an example of.

warmandtoasty2day · 23/03/2021 16:57

the school should also be teaching kids violence isn't acceptable from either sex.

BluebellsGreenbells · 23/03/2021 16:58

The boy heard this from somewhere so he’s just repeating a phase.

I think you are over reacting and so is your DD - she wants him expelled? Then the same should apply to the girl.

He made a comment and it went down badly, he hasn’t shot anyone!

Todaytomorrowyesterday · 23/03/2021 16:58

So I understand that the teacher did tell him off? Maybe the teacher could see your daughter was upset and didn’t want to cause more upset at the time by forcing an apology? But yes one does need to follow up.

I don’t think it’s a exclusion or suspension reasoning (& I’m a mother of two girls ) I think that’s taken it to the extreme. Yes he needs a talking to and possibly reminder of bullying etc that may lead to school detention.

The worrying thing is the reaction of one of the girls hitting the boy that in our school would be automatic suspension and/or isolation at school as it’s physical contact.

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 23/03/2021 16:59

@Clymene

Funny how misogyny is a-ok with many posters. If he'd made a racist remark to a black kid, I'm sure they would expect him to be suspended. But girls are fair game.

I would go to the head. This is disgusting behaviour and he needs to be made an example of.

100%. Disgusted by the women on here who seem to think this should be accepted.