Y7 disgusting comments

[ShinyGreenElephant]

I'm 99% sure I'm not being unreasonable here but I'm SO angry and could do with some perspective/ advice.

A boy in my DD12s class has said to her today "shut your legs, your fanny stinks". This was in front of a group of kids. Shes on her period today as well so it made her feel even more paranoid and she was really upset and humiliated. A few of the boys laughed half-heartedly (all her boy mates have since said he was out of order but none of them said it at the time) and all the girls who were there went mad at him, DDs best friend slapped him across the face. DD called him an ugly little rat and walked away before he saw her crying but was then very upset and sobbing to the other girls. Shes been friends with this boy for years but hes recently turned on her a bit after hes asked her out twice and she said no. Nothing like this though.

DD told a teacher who told him off, but he wasn't sent home and hasnt apologised. The school didn't inform me about the incident. Far as I'm concerned this is nowhere NEAR good enough - I've called them and told them as much and been told they will investigate and deal with it further.

Can anyone advise on what my next steps should be? I'll be putting it all in writing tomorrow once they contact me with how they've dealt with it. What if its not good enough? Governors? What can I realistically expect - I will 100% need an apology and I want him suspended but not sure they would even tell me if he was.

Any advice welcome even if its to tell me I'm over reacting. I'm actually friends with his mum but won't contact her tonight at least as I'm so angry I know I won't be able to handle it well.

@RootyT00t well its generally headmaster isn't it and I can write what I want the same as the next person
But its ok to criticise someone who may be dyslexic isn't it , some of you clearly have double standards for how people should be treated

The teacher has clearly reported the incident as wrong on all sides, which to be honest , it was

The teacher didn't report anything.

Going by most behaviour policies, the only one worthy of exclusion was the girl who did the assault

Not where I teach, thank God.

And if you want both parties dealt with, they'd have had to exclude all three. DD isn't innocent in this. Provocation doesnt stand up in a court so why would it stand up in a school.

Dealing it with doesn't mean exclusion, it means taking it further, you know, independent interviews. Kind of thing.

By allowing a pupil to be assaulted, they have failed in their duty of care I'm afraid

They didn't allow it, but by not reporting it, they certainly did fail.

[quote donewithitalltodayandxmas]@RootyT00t well its generally headmaster isn't it and I can write what I want the same as the next person
But its ok to criticise someone who may be dyslexic isn't it , some of you clearly have double standards for how people should be treated[/quote]
No, it's not OK to insult anyone based on their writing and be personal, which is why I'm surprised you attacked a poster and then said I was criticising you when I pointed out it doesn't make sense. Strange.

Thats before I mention your OTT attack on someone for using a different word for a headteacher, which is bizarre behaviour who claims they can write what they want, same as the next person....

Agreed

@echt

The teacher has clearly reported the incident as wrong on all sides, which to be honest , it was

The teacher didn't report anything.

Going by most behaviour policies, the only one worthy of exclusion was the girl who did the assault

Not where I teach, thank God.

And if you want both parties dealt with, they'd have had to exclude all three. DD isn't innocent in this. Provocation doesnt stand up in a court so why would it stand up in a school.

Dealing it with doesn't mean exclusion, it means taking it further, you know, independent interviews. Kind of thing.

By allowing a pupil to be assaulted, they have failed in their duty of care I'm afraid

They didn't allow it, but by not reporting it, they certainly did fail.

I assume you don't work in a school?

@RootyT00t basically the commentator was saying boys don't grow out of sexism , and all on here screaming for exclusion rather than educating why it was wrong , achieves nothing
Claiming sexism but thinking it was ok for the girl to slap him
Equality means treating all the same

Sorry I've re read and see that you do.

Your exclusion policy might be different , but most schools are a zero tolerance to violence. End of story.

You don't know what the teacher did or didn't do.

[quote donewithitalltodayandxmas]@RootyT00t basically the commentator was saying boys don't grow out of sexism , and all on here screaming for exclusion rather than educating why it was wrong , achieves nothing
Claiming sexism but thinking it was ok for the girl to slap him
Equality means treating all the same [/quote]
Yes I'm quite aware of that, and I agree with you, and made that point myself.

Im referring to your personal rambles at people and being unecessary critical of their writing before worrying about people being critical of you.

No it isn’t ‘ok’ but it justifiable in this instance. The slapping is defo not ok. You think they should just sit there are take sexist comments?

@Loola81

No it isn’t ‘ok’ but it justifiable in this instance. The slapping is defo not ok. You think they should just sit there are take sexist comments?

It either is or isn't justifiable loola you seem confused.

@RootyT00t Please calm down a little , I have attacked nobody
I simply said mean headteacher as opposed to principle as generally its not principle and not all would know what a principle is

@RootyT00t

Sorry I've re read and see that you do.

Your exclusion policy might be different , but most schools are a zero tolerance to violence. End of story.

You don't know what the teacher did or didn't do.

Read the OP's OP. Teacher didn't report.

I have not disputed schools' policies on violence. Nor did I imply that the girl was not worthy of punishment. I was responding to your opinion that only she was worthy.

[quote donewithitalltodayandxmas]@Loola81 you mean headmaster not principle?
Also you have accused people of ignoring the boys behaviour what about the girl who slapped him is that ok ?
Two wrongs don't make a right
He is a 12 year old kid of course he can learn what is acceptable and what isn't
You claim to be a teacher , yet your basically writing of a 12 year old [/quote]
You don't think this one was a personal attack done?

@echt

I can read thanks.

OP didn't say the teacher didn't report. She said he didn't apologise and wasn't suspended.

I don't think the girl was only worthy. But behaviour policy was, in most schools , she is.

How would you have handled it? Punished the boy for his stupid vile comment but allowed hers and the assault?

Sorry echt, you did dispute that.

I originally said that according to behaviour policy in most schools only the violence is a suspendable offence. You said not where I teach thankfully, but now appear to be backtracking.

@QuidditchQueen

You are lucky the boy fid not complain to his mother about the violence. And was it misogyny? Children tell each other they stink. Unless your DD really did stink (and if that is the case he did her a favour - and she needs to sort out her personal hygiene) its a ridiculous insult -not misogyny. Whereas the violence was actual. If the boy’s friend took offence on his behalf at being called an ugly rat and hit DD across the face would that be acceptable defence of his friend?

What the actual hell is going through your head?!? You think it is actually PRAISEWORTHY for a boy to humiliate a girl by publicly mocking her by saying her private parts stink during her period?!? That is so vile. WOW. I have no words.

It’s ‘Principal’ not principle which is interchangeable with Head Teacher. Headmaster is sexist and not often not used any more. I never said anything about the slapping; so don’t put words in my mouth. I didn’t comment on the slapping because that is clearly a breach of acceptable conduct. I was discussing sexist abuse because it is clearly not understood by the wider public and obviously people like you. It’s attitudes like ‘he’s just a 12 year old boy’ that excuses behaviour that could continue until he’s 16, 26, 36. I’m thankful you aren't anywhere near a school.

@RootyT00t how is a personak attack its a comment that I disagree with and yes I would be disappointed if a teacher feels a child cannot be educated , thats what a 12 year old is when all is said and done
Maybe look at your posts where you question and please leave me alone

@Loola81

It’s ‘Principal’ not principle which is interchangeable with Head Teacher. Headmaster is sexist and not often not used any more. I never said anything about the slapping; so don’t put words in my mouth. I didn’t comment on the slapping because that is clearly a breach of acceptable conduct. I was discussing sexist abuse because it is clearly not understood by the wider public and obviously people like you. It’s attitudes like ‘he’s just a 12 year old boy’ that excuses behaviour that could continue until he’s 16, 26, 36. I’m thankful you aren't anywhere near a school.

Now you're being personal!

Can people not just disagree politely?

I do work in a school yet I think the girl was as bad. Is that a problem?

@Loola81 headteacher is used in the uk a lot

[quote donewithitalltodayandxmas]@RootyT00t how is a personak attack its a comment that I disagree with and yes I would be disappointed if a teacher feels a child cannot be educated , thats what a 12 year old is when all is said and done
Maybe look at your posts where you question and please leave me alone [/quote]
Yes we get all of that.

Your opinions are not the issue, but the way you speak to people is!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with what OPs DD said in response to a misogynistic comment directed at her.

What should she have done? Ignored it? Laughed? Told a teacher? (and hoped they might take it seriously and wouldn't just say oh that's boys being boys)

Why are you suggesting a girl should have to put up with misogyny of this kind?!

The horrendous experiences that @MarieIVanArkleStinks had (so sorry you went through this) shows exactly how this kind of behaviour can escalate, how dangerous and insidious it is.

I have sons. I'd have no problem with one of mine being called a little rat for making a misogynistic comment, in fact I'd be saying a lot worse to him, I'd be disgusted with him and his behaviour. The slap is a separate issue, but we don't know the background. It could be the friend has also received similar insults from this boy or others and this was the final straw.

I mentioned upthread that I hit (very hard, with an umbrella, and it did far more damage than a slap) the bully who sexually assaulted and harassed me in secondary school. I have no regrets about doing so, his actions were dismissed by teachers and peers as what boys do. I tried ignoring him. I said no. I told him to get off, I brushed his hands aside, shoved him away. Many times. Only beating him worked.

You seem rude. I said the slapping is not ok and a breach of acceptable conduct. Her calling him a rat is not ok (in general terms- as name calling) but justifiable in the context of this situation.

@RootyT00t

Sorry echt, you did dispute that.

I originally said that according to behaviour policy in most schools only the violence is a suspendable offence. You said not where I teach thankfully, but now appear to be backtracking.

Going by most behaviour policies, the only one worthy of exclusion was the girl who did the assault

Saying not where I teach is not disputing it, it's expressing relief.

@Loola81

You seem rude. I said the slapping is not ok and a breach of acceptable conduct. Her calling him a rat is not ok (in general terms- as name calling) but justifiable in the context of this situation.

No, sorry, ugly little rat is not OK.

All three were wrong.

In moral terms? Boy, assault friend, DD.

In behaviour policy terms? Assault friend, then boy and DD are equal.