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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My cat just had a shit in my fire.

392 replies

LAgeDeRaisin · 23/03/2021 15:20

So I've just got my 1 year old to nap, I've got horrible all day morning sickness, and it's my day off work today. I'm exhausted.

I decided to go to bed for a nap with the baby monitor and was nearly asleep when I hear this scraping noise from across the room.

The cat had managed to open the bedroom door, come in, and was digging around in the ash at the bottom of the fireplace to have a shit. I tried to pick him up but he was mid squat and it was midway out. He then became outraged and ran out traipsing soot all over the carpet. He is 9 years old with no health problems.

AIBU that he is a massive arsehole? He has a catflap which he has free access to and always goes outside. He 100% did this to spite me because I wanted 30 minutes to myself in bed.

Stories of your own arsehole pets requested please; it may help me feel better.

OP posts:
PuddyMuddles4 · 24/03/2021 20:30

A German Shepherd I once owned - I planted a small tree in the back garden. I obviously shouldn't have done it while she was watching. Arrived back from work the next day to find she'd dug it up. I planted it again - same thing next day. So I planted it again and put heavy paving slabs around it thinking "take that dog!". Came home from work the next day to find that not only had she dug it up again, but she'd eaten the bloody tree!!

Spaceprincess · 24/03/2021 20:33

My cat has shat in the washing machine in the past for no reason apart from to be a dick.

fluffiny31 · 24/03/2021 20:35

One of my cats decided she wanted to give birth on my leg.

Ilovegardens · 24/03/2021 20:40

My dog likes to scratch his collar in the wee small hours so that it makes a loud jangly noise to wake me up. I assume he wants the toilet so i traipse downstairs to let him out only to find he's already peed in the kitchen and was just letting me know about it. Twat!

Apocalyptichorsewoman · 24/03/2021 20:44

I'd just spent £65 on a farriers bill, and leading my ungrateful horse back to the field, he suddenly saw something on the other side of the muck heap that in his febrile fantastic imagination, he had to have.

He shot off like a rocket, and it was 7 stone Versus 91 stone as I clung on grimly swearing and threatening - didn't do any good - I still had a face first tour of the yard muck heap...

Arsehole 😠

FrazzlesMum67 · 24/03/2021 20:50

Our cat spotted an open jigsaw box and clearly thought it was a new litter tray - absolute b*stard

ERFFER · 24/03/2021 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

feellikeanalien · 24/03/2021 21:06

I was lying in bed one morning when one of our cats (sadly no longer with us) got on the bed. I could smell a burning smell from him and noticed that some of his fur was singed on one side. The stupid thing had decided he was cold so thought that sitting in the ashes of the fire would be a good way to keep warm.

A delightful habit which my cat has is being sick and then eating it!! Envy not envy!!

Mumtoone39 · 24/03/2021 21:51

My cat recycled the car keys - nobody noticed till the blue bin had been lifted -£200 for replacement ( keys, not cat). He also pissed all over the babies pram - it stank; could not be salvaged and we ended up burning it- £80 for a replacement of gum tree. He only eats really expensive food and vomits in really inaccessible places when he eats it too fast. I rescued him as a kitten with horrendous cat flu - he was not expected to survive- as they say - no good deed goes unpunished.
A previous cat escaped on the way home from the vets and pissed all over the car seats before being recaptured ( she had an overnight stay and clearly had not had a wee in that time) £90 valet - still smelt cat piss on a hot day.
I don't know why I have pets.

Avonandice · 24/03/2021 21:55

I used to own Ronnie and Reggie - named after the twins as I think they were the twins reincarnated - who were the terror of the village.

They killed many, many things but took a dislike to an ex. They waged war on him. Often one would throw up on anything he left around while the other would pee and poo by it. One night they decided to play on his bed and he started to think they were coming round as they hadnt left any protests that day. They chased each other round the bed, over the bed, across the floor and then up and under the duvet. He slept naked......... they found prey to play with.I miss the pair of them - him not so much.

This current ginger wrecking ball I own seems to think he is an air raid siren.

This cat I

ilovebagpuss · 24/03/2021 21:58

My DB cat is a lovely fluffy arsehole. I picked my kids up from his one day and got half way home, stopped at some lights and aforementioned arse popped up from the boot seats.
Gave me heart failure and whilst screaming at my DD’s to wind their windows up had to do the reverse trip to deliver the little bastard.

wellerhugs5 · 24/03/2021 22:17

One of my cats shIt in the fruit bowl when I stayed the weekend at a friends.

The fruit bowl was on the counter in the kitchen. He must have done it as soon as I'd gone.

Boyfriend and flat mate had left it there all weekend for me to clean up on my return.

wellerhugs5 · 24/03/2021 22:25

I've just remember another one!

Under the stairs used to be a dumping ground for our shoes/outdoor bits etc.

Cat shit in my hubby's favourite leather shoes and his cycling helmet.

Nothing that belonged to me 😁 (smugface)

DoWhatYouWantTo · 24/03/2021 22:38

I don't often say this but LTB

Bunnyfuller · 24/03/2021 22:59

One of our cats has taken to shitting in the garden, on the lawn, virtually into our dirty fucker pug’s mouth. Yes. The pug eats it.

He (the cat) has also taken to pissing up non-wipable furniture. And kitchen appliances, He is stressed because we moved house. His stress hasn’t stopped him catching everything from pigeons to frogs. Or shitting in the pug’s mouth.

The other cat is elderly, slightly demented, tries to crawl on me constantly, and does deafening yowling to call me when he feels like it.

They’re pricks.

FangsForTheMemory · 24/03/2021 23:09

Mine hung on for three days when I was staying in someone else’s house and then left four mahoosive turds on the mat next to the litter tray. Fortunately I saw them before anyone else did.

grannieali · 24/03/2021 23:12

You have to understand a cat's mentality. The ash in the grate was sufficiently like soil to be considered legitimate litter.. Trying to pick a cat up in mid process is as outrageous to him as it would be to you. Cats are programmed to be private when they do theirbusiness and to scratch earth over it in the wild. The other thing for domestic cats is that if they picked a place to wee in inside the house and nothing happened then they feel, safe about going there again. However they can pick up that you are not pleased if you actually catch them at it, or about to. Ranting at them hours later just perplexes them.. My Siamese is about as old as I am in cat years (82) and now is ruining carpet and rugs regularly by throwing up, especially on the stairs. She can use a cat door to a garden, but it's just too cold for a very old girl. If your cat has a lot of teeth removed as it ages, it can't chew or crunch properly, bolts its food and then brings it all up again. I now feed only so-called wet food in the shape of high protein chunky pate consistency from Animonda, a German make. Seems to be helping.

autumnboys · 24/03/2021 23:19

Ours did a shit on the windowsill when we had snow earlier this year. I can only imagine he didn’t fancy getting his bum cold and maybe had a vague thought that it would be like being outside if he could see the outside while he did it. He is not the sharpest knife in the draw.

Mamanyt · 25/03/2021 00:09

Cats, generally, do not do "grudge" shits. There are, however, a LOT of other reasons it can happen. Most of the time, it is a health issue...the cat uses the box, he's a bit constipated, it hurts, and rather than associate the pain with his own bottom, he associates it with the box and takes his business elsewhere. Other cats just insist on a clean box for that particular bit of business. Before calling your cat a "prick," do look into other reasons he is doing this.

I spend about 4-7 hours a day advising people on cat issues. This is who I am. I'm betting that there is a definite reason for this behaviour, and that it is reasonable...from the cat's point of view.

Harmonypuss · 25/03/2021 00:12

It's not just cats that are little shits, dogs are too!
My spaniel has 24/7 access to the back garden but he hates going out if it's raining so occasionally I find a puddle on the kitchen floor, I haven't relay minded in the past coz I wouldn't fancy having to go out in the rain for a wee.
Recently he's been piddling in my kitchen all the time and just not going out even when the sun is shining. I came downstairs one day last week to find the Thames, Seine and the Rhine all over my kitchen floor!
He's even been known to just stand there and click his leg up the leg of the kitchen table whilst I'm in the room.....little shit!

ThatchersCold · 25/03/2021 00:44

My dog randomly pissed all up the leg of my jeans while I was getting money from a cash point 🤷‍♀️

Livingmybestlifenow · 25/03/2021 00:49

House/pet-sitting for a friend. 2 year old Tortie (they’re always a bit special in my experience), comes into the kitchen from outside, jumps on the side, then climbs on the toaster and in the 2 seconds it took for me to clock her odd behavior and wonder what on earth she was doing, she peed in it. Wtf?!

therocinante · 25/03/2021 01:22

@Mamanyt

Cats, generally, do not do "grudge" shits. There are, however, a LOT of other reasons it can happen. Most of the time, it is a health issue...the cat uses the box, he's a bit constipated, it hurts, and rather than associate the pain with his own bottom, he associates it with the box and takes his business elsewhere. Other cats just insist on a clean box for that particular bit of business. Before calling your cat a "prick," do look into other reasons he is doing this.

I spend about 4-7 hours a day advising people on cat issues. This is who I am. I'm betting that there is a definite reason for this behaviour, and that it is reasonable...from the cat's point of view.

Please can you tell me why my bully cat is such a witch and how to stop her bullying the other two? Cos we've tried everything - seperating resources, but sharing treat and play times, Feliway, herbal calming stuff, lots of individual fuss, plenty of little and food and water stations, safe space only she can access, different food, ignoring bad and praising good behaviour... She's just a cow. Since one of the others came back from an overnight vet stay she's a space and resource and human guarding dickhead.

She's my little best pal but she is just a witch to the other cats. Humans only 🙄

therocinante · 25/03/2021 01:24

God I know this thread is a demonstration of how much of a nightmare cats can be, but I just love the wee bastards.

Pureau · 25/03/2021 08:05

When I was a kid I had a hole in the lawn to play marbles. That was until I found my cat squatting over it one day.