My cat just had a shit in my fire.

[LAgeDeRaisin]

So I've just got my 1 year old to nap, I've got horrible all day morning sickness, and it's my day off work today. I'm exhausted.

I decided to go to bed for a nap with the baby monitor and was nearly asleep when I hear this scraping noise from across the room.

The cat had managed to open the bedroom door, come in, and was digging around in the ash at the bottom of the fireplace to have a shit. I tried to pick him up but he was mid squat and it was midway out. He then became outraged and ran out traipsing soot all over the carpet. He is 9 years old with no health problems.

AIBU that he is a massive arsehole? He has a catflap which he has free access to and always goes outside. He 100% did this to spite me because I wanted 30 minutes to myself in bed.

Stories of your own arsehole pets requested please; it may help me feel better.

@Lantanacamara

Our cat always knows when I've been gardening and last week dug up a newly planted border of lily of the valleys and did a massive crap just for luck.

@Lantanacamara I'm pretty sure Lilly are very poisonous to cats, it's worth checking before they bloom.

My old boy is almost 15 and has taken to trying to shit in the laundry basket in the middle of the night. He managed it not long ago, the smell was indescribable and was what woke me up. He'd managed to shoot crap up the newly painted wall too.

The younger cat is 1, and he sprayed shit straight out of his arse all over DS not long ago, I think it might have been a fart that went wrong.

One of the worst things the old boy did though was eviscerate a mouse on the stairs one night, leaving its entrails all over the last few steps. I came down them in the dark to get the baby's bottle and skidded in them, by now cold and disgustingly slimy, down about four steps and sprained my ankle. What a twatty cat he is. But we still love him!

@Lantanacamara

Our cat always knows when I've been gardening and last week dug up a newly planted border of lily of the valleys and did a massive crap just for luck.

Lilies are extremely toxic to cats. If they ingest or breathe in even a little bit of the flower or pollen it will destroy their kidneys. Maybe he was telling you that you need to get rid of them.

@LAgeDeRaisin

Thanks everyone and yes he is a prick.

Of course he's a prick, all cats are pricks!!

Cats are the coolest animals ever!!

Yes, you really have to be careful with lillies.
They are my favourite flowers but I've not had any for 10 years since I got the eldest shitface

Awww @Sunny4876
I love how he just doesn't seem to give a shit.
Typical cat, but he's gorgeous 😍

A week in the life of work at home with my two tyrants, I mean well behaved fluffy beings.

Monday: Jump up on the desk and sit in front of the screens and smack each other while mum is on the phone
Tuesday: Another smacking fight while mum is on the phone, this time knocking over one of her screens.
Climb on mums head while shes working and manage to kick her in the face
Wednesday: Sit on mums laptop keyboard and manage to call a meeting with mums team and get 6 people to join the call
Thursday: Jump into mums arms while shes on the phone, smooshing her headset controls and disconnect her from her call
Start going to town scratching the lounge even though I don’t normally do that and make mum excuse herself from her call to stop me
Friday: Knock mums laptop off the desk while she is in a meeting and presenting. Manage to disconnect everything
Steal mums post it notes to shred, even though they had important work information on them
Try to break into treat bag and end up knocking it off the counter all over the floor then try and eat as much as possible before mum stops me

Lucky they are so cute and fluffy to make up for the arseholeness.

My cat is a laundry dick. He loves pooing on fresh clothes just off the line and the laundry sink. He also has pooed in the washing machine drum and weed in the dryer. You can’t really get cat wee out of a dryer. It runs through the drum. I mean, it eventually evaporates but the smell stays forever. Luckily we were planning on getting a new dryer so just brought forward that purchase,

@DynamoKev

Can't imagine why anyone has a cat.

My two have never done anything like in this post. Except occasional vomits on the rug.

Why have a cat? When you hold them and they knead their front paws gently against your chest, purring like a fire engine, rubbing all the surfaces of their head against your cheek. Swapping from shoulder to shoulder so they can get both your cheeks. When you're sitting on the couch and they jump up purring, and settle themselves down, and rest their head and one paw on your hand and feel so, so warm and cosy. When you're in bed having a cry and they jump up and curl up next to your chest, and lick the tears off your nose and cheek, and then settle with their head tucked under your chin. When you smell their fur and it smells like warm cosiness. When you're going to sleep and they drape themselves over your back which makes you feel nice and settled.

My cat when I was a kid hated my step father and took great pleasure in tormenting him.
The cat would hide and throaty growl at him whenever he was near, hide on top of doors then attack his face, wait til he was asleep the sneak under the covers and attack (claws out) him then bolt out of the door, if his car window was open would piss on his seat and only his seat, shat on his shoes regularly, on cold days would piss in his coat or Woolie hat.

To the rest of us he was an affectionate snuggly cat but the sort of hunter than came home with the neighbours pet rabbit or guinea pigs as a snack and used to sleep curled up on top of our dog. (Who was in terror/awe of the cat)

We had the cat from birth till his death of old age.

Mine had a piss in the kitchen sink all while maintaining eye contact. Then walked off looking over her shoulder daring me to lose my shit.

@IHaveBrilloHair

Oh I'd forgotten about one of mine who is obsessed with licking the shower curtain, she does it all the time. Weirdly I had a lick to see if I was missing something. I wasn't, it tasted like um shower curtain.

I can just picture you now making eye contact with the cat and licking the curtain before saying “well why? It just tastes like cartains!”

Just from the headline I was visualising a burning fire and the cat with his back to it doing a projectile shit.

@Sunny4876 we should have a thread purely for photos of our cats sitting on or in our jigsaw puzzles. That would fill up fast I reckon.

Our dear late gorgeous girl would think sitting in a jigsaw box was pure bliss. And then would bite us if we tried to dare stick our hand in for a couple of pieces. Miss her everyday!

Soubriquet
It was almost exactly like that.
I'm really not sure why I did it

I was having some -ahem - private phone time and 36Cat jumped on the bed for cuddles. As I was otherwise occupied, I told her no and she grumpily curled up on the end of the bed. I did give her cuddles later.

Next morning, I get up to a poo and small lake of pee outside the bedroom door. Next to her litter tray.

Don't have much of a love life and she punishes me when I do get it.

I need to share here that one of my cats broke my fridge freezer this week.

Yes. My fridge freezer. FFS.

He's so heavy he somehow managed to rock the thing while trying to jump on it and it packed up. It was 15 years old to be fair but might well have soldiered on for another 5 years unmolested. I've replaced it with a REALLY tall one he can't jump onto. I'm expecting him to order bungee ropes any day now.

Ha ha my cat keeps pooping next to her litter tray, ahgghhh

My cat is such a brat sometimes

Trying to wrap dd’s birthday presents and she keeps pouncing on the paper

I ball some up and throw it and off she runs...then comes back pounces more on the paper

Though at least this time she isn’t chewing the corner of the present

That was interesting giving it to someone...”sorry the cat chewed the corner of the box”

Our cat is a prick. He attacks our feet and yesterday puked all over DD’s bedroom carpet, rug and pyjamas (after raiding the dog’s bowl, so you can imagine how fragrant it was... ). Discovered this little gift 10 minutes before I was due to start work. He is also the scourge of local wildlife, and has killed numerous birds and small rodents

She's thinking outside the box ......

One of our cats just vomited UP a newly painted wall and all over newly laid carpet. She must have been sat facing the wall waiting. It’s gone into the skirting and I cut my hand on a bit of exposed carpet gripper scrubbing it out. Fucking prick

Our cat opens one of my ground floor bedroom shutters if she wants me to get up and let her out. She also attacks loaves of bread chewing along the top and spoiling each slice. Once when I was in bed she sqatted beside me and peed on my white bedding. We still love her though. In a weird way we are quite proud of her.

Also should note the vomit contained all bits of my plants she’s killed whilst braking into my bedroom