My cat just had a shit in my fire.

[LAgeDeRaisin]

So I've just got my 1 year old to nap, I've got horrible all day morning sickness, and it's my day off work today. I'm exhausted.

I decided to go to bed for a nap with the baby monitor and was nearly asleep when I hear this scraping noise from across the room.

The cat had managed to open the bedroom door, come in, and was digging around in the ash at the bottom of the fireplace to have a shit. I tried to pick him up but he was mid squat and it was midway out. He then became outraged and ran out traipsing soot all over the carpet. He is 9 years old with no health problems.

AIBU that he is a massive arsehole? He has a catflap which he has free access to and always goes outside. He 100% did this to spite me because I wanted 30 minutes to myself in bed.

Stories of your own arsehole pets requested please; it may help me feel better.

A much mourned cat of ours went by the name of "thatcatbastard". His escapades included taking a neighbouring house cat a live baby rabbit and terrifying his friend's owner, stealing food from anywhere he could including joint of beef left to rest by the next door neighbour, sitting on an allergic/phobic neighbour's sofa and refusing to leave, shitting in the bath when my daughter had friends for a sleepover, hitching a ride in the engine bay of a van and bailing out 40 miles away, attacking terriers and the odd small child, chasing the binmen & postmen, eating the breast off the the Christmas turkey and generally creating mayhem... he was a rescue cat whose previous owner was going to have him put down, you'd think he'd have been a tad more grateful.

My cat used to wipe its arse on my wooden floor after it has been in the litter tray leaving shitty skid marks! They both used to vomit on my bed and somethings leave a steaming patch of vom outside my bedroom door that I would step on when I went for a wee in the night! The most dickish thing they did was leave a dead mouse in my bed as a present 🎁 Cats are pricks, but I love them. Not sure why 😂

My Nanna anticipated her cats assholeness in advanced and named her cat Boofhead

My mum got me a cat as a child. Had him for years. He was from a shelter that took in abandoned cats. He was born on the street - completely feral. Never happy at home. He drank from our pond - never saw him drink fresh water. Barely touched actual cat food - he hunted birds and mice.
He was always bringing birds home and leaving them on the roof outside my bedroom window (there was an extension). Once; he even caught a seagull. Crossed a main road to bring it home. It was twice the size of him and still alive but he brought it all the way back home.
The neighbours that backed onto our garden had huge trees at the end; we used to see his head poking out the top on the highest branch - I'm talking second story.
He was fine to be petted by me but once he had enough he always scratched or bit to let you know. Never let strangers pet him tho. He absolutely hated my dad.

Our daft arsehole (no longer with us) was about a year old at the time. We had just had our beautiful cream wool carpet laid in the lounge, dh was seeing the carpet fitter out and arsehole cat had a massive sloppy shit in the middle of the room, then sat there on the windowsill looking as proud as punch. Twat

@Lurleene

I remember the Christmas we discovered the cat had been pissing on the presents under the tree.

If you're exhausted now with work, a 1 yr old plus housework, how much more tired will you be when you have 2 under twos?

@Dontwanttolivewithmylover probably more exhausted. But at least I won't have nausea all day and pregnancy tiredness on top.

Cats, generally, do not do "grudge" shits.

I had one that revelled in grudge shits. The worst was when we had a new boiler so no heating for 48 hours plus workman all over the house and coming in and out of the front door - she started to shit on the doormat and he created what can only be described as a shit rainbow as he opened the door. He was also stupid and it happened 3-4 times during the two days he was in the house.

Our cat does do annoyed shits, he decides sometimes he doesn't like using the litter tray so will protest shit in the bath tub there is no underlying medical or cleanliness reason, or if DH has offended him by cuddling another cat in his presence again he will shit in the bathtub.

My FIL had a cat who would purposely climb into a newly cleaned bathtub look SMIL in the eye and shit. Apparently he was depressed, they took him to a cat psychologist, and he was prescribed cat equivalent of Prozac, DH reckoned the cat was just a common garden dickhead cat.

In general, in our family at least the cats are just deeply spoilt.

Ours didn’t protest poo but he would wee if you annoyed him.

@Dontwanttolivewithmylover

If you're exhausted now with work, a 1 yr old plus housework, how much more tired will you be when you have 2 under twos?

Not helpful or necessary!!

Just the title of this thread had me in stitches!

Do I need to grow up?

LTB!!

@Aussieadopter nailed it! 🤜🥰

@Wallyandasnog thanks

370+ posts there was bound to be one having a pop at the OPs life choices for no reason! This is AIBU so I'm waiting for someone to comment on my damaging carbon footprint having children or pets in the first place

Cat has now been put on a diet due to being a bit of a fatty. He has taken to eating bits of cheese that have been thrown fallen from DDs highchair.

No more fireplace shitting, but secret cat stealth shit has not yet been found.

Ours used to shit in the bath. I'll never know why...

For those with bath shitters, do they do it over the side or go in to do it? Would a couple cm of water deter them?!

@LAgeDeRaisin

I don’t have a bath shitter. But I do have a sink plug pee cat! She stands with her rear over the plug whilst her front paws are resting on the edge of the sink. At least it’s easy to clean. She usually does it whilst I use the loo.......

@Bargebill19 that's heartbreakingly adorable. Do you think she thinks the toilet is the human toilet, and the sink is the cat toilet?

@LAgeDeRaisin

She’s a haughty tortie always wanting the higher ground. I suspect it’s the one time she feels taller than me. And to rub it in she can pee higher than me too! A little bit of “I can do that too, only better”?!
She uses the litter tray for no2s.

Several years ago; a text from my (then) teenage son: I'm really sorry Mum; I overslept. There's two dog poos on the landing and the cat has been sick on the settee. I accidently burnt the microwave. I haven't got time to clear it up because I'm running late.

My cat bit me on my shoulder because I dared to talk to the snake rather than him. He then tripped me on the stairs just for good measure.

In the 80s our cat crapped in my espadrille. I can still remember the moment of discovery, like it was yesterday.